Part 14: Death!

Part 14: Death!



Snake, I'm in Paris…Napoleon's moving his forces to attack Genghis. He's not waiting for you. Also…this place is incredibly well-fortified. Looks like he practically recreated the Great Wall of China here. It's almost impossible to assault cleanly; we could skirt through the gaps in the wall but our movement through it would be slowed to a crawl. This must be why Genghis is having so much trouble with him.

So you're assuming we'll have to tangle with Napoleon too, huh?

Snake, he never ceased his assault on the world until he was defeated by Russia's inhospitable terrain. And we're not Russia. Until we have sufficient reason to believe otherwise we should assume that he's going to be just as ruthless as everyone else we met.

Great. So a land assault's out. Our maps suck but, is a sea approach possible?

Maybe from the west, but…that's the other weird thing.



Our scout ships have circumnavigated the globe. This can't possibly be Earth. The world is tiny. There are no other continents! And yet the gravity seems Earth-normal.

Weirder and weirder…

Maybe we all got sucked up by aliens and put on another planet as part of an experiment!

…you know, I'd say that was unlikely but looking back on my life, saying anything is unlikely would be pushing it. If you told me a cyborg mariachi was destined to save the universe from an evil football player I'd buy it.

Oooh, that's a great idea for a story! Let me write that down!



Shit…Snake, we have evidence that Alexander's sent a spy on us, and is stealing some of our technology. If we didn't know he was up to something before, we have ample proof now.

Right, then. I'm ordering the construction of more guns and cannon. We're going to make sure he can't do anything to us…one way or another. I've had it with that kid.



Valetta's giving us…elephants now. Were the Maltese known for handing out elephant knights?

This world is a crazy quilt of historical inaccuracies, that is the least of our problems. Are they at least good elephants?

They assured us that they're very strong and very fearsome, just not as fast in a dead run as a horse.

Well…good, I guess. We can use them against the Greeks. Get Alex on the horn, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.



Alexander. You're up to something. Stop it immediately or I'll resort to force. I just killed Attila the Hun with my bare hands, you think I can't handle a prettyboy like you?

Hmmm…why don't we talk this matter over…face to face…like gentlemen?

Fine. But in the meantime…let's have a conference call with the other leaders, alright?



Gentlemen…we have two choices. We're all alone here on this weird world, and there are no higher powers to contend with. We can either start acting like civilized people or we can kill each other. Can't we try to do something together for once? Maybe not drop all our guns and join hands, but…something. Anything.

What do you propose?



I don't…a fair, I guess? It'd take a while to organize the thing but…the people would get a kick out of it, at the least. It'd be a good way to impress the independent states.

Hmm…possibly…I do enjoy a competitive spectacle…

I think this is a delightful idea!

Hmph. More frippery. This is so typical of you people. Do as you wish.

If you think you can possibly contend with the city of lights, I entreat you to try. Your efforts will be amusing, at least.

Okay then. World's Fair, we'll officially vote on it next month and then get to it.

Hmm…next month you say?

What?

Things might be different by then. We shall see.



Ahh…democracy. A chance for the little people to think they're important.

Didn't you Greeks invent democracy?

A few of us did. Hardly worth the while…it's just a way for villages to organize. I was taught to know better. The people need a strong, visionary leader whose divine right cannot be questioned…though allowing them to think they have a say in matters is a useful form of control. Like owning a dog without a leash--if it's been trained to obey, it needs no leash.

You really think you're hot stuff, don't you?

Of course. I have a divine lineage; Heracles and Achilles were my ancestors. Some people are simply born better than others; some to rule, others to be slaves. That's how it's always been; my master, Aristotle, taught me this.

*grumble* …how'd you like to discuss this in person?

Nothing would make me happier, Big Boss.

Well, as it happens…some of my forces are approaching your capital.



I seee…heh heh. You're going to attack me, aren't you?

Yup.

*cracks knuckles* Heh. It may not go as well for you as you think. My army is greater than it seems.



AAAUGH! SIR! SIR! Some of the city-states are attacking us! They beat the hell out of our cannons…the people…even the ones we've been protecting…they're…it's…it's like someone flipped a switch! They're attacking us!

Soldier! Get out of there!

GGGAAUUUUGHGGGHH…

I told you. Why don't you come and face me yourself, Snake? Maybe you'll do better than your peons.

Snake!

WHAT!?



Snake…Napoleon's marched on Genghis in a sneak attack. He's wiped out their capital city like it was nothing, without any warning.

Dammit! I told him to wait! Genghis is holding Strangelove hostage! Get that asshole on the phone!



I told you to wait! Genghis Khan has one of my key personnel! I don't want her to die in your bloodbath!

Your needs are hardly my concern. However…I assure you…she'll be quite well. I plan on adding her achievements to my own, as soon as my soldiers find her. Can you imagine the glory of France once it has a genius from the 20th century added to it? One who, if the stories are true, helped build world-ending weaponry?

You…AARRRGH!

Tend to your own affairs. The Greek will surely kill you if you do not.



We smashed the hell out of Sparta, sir, and we're trying to snap the attacking citizens out of it--good thing we have those tranquilizers and fulton balloons. He's turning his allies against us but we can turn them right back.



Some good news at least…because of the war we were able to negotiate some better prices for hiring mercenaries and other stuff from the city-states.



It's not easy, but we're moving our forces north…the city-states keep attacking us and raiding our supplies, though. It's like they're in a trance…



Hahaha, suck on my musket balls!

Ew.

Everyone ready for the final push? I'm heading in there personally!

Next: Alexander Boss Fight