Part 22: Episode XXI: Myst (Graveyard)

Episode XXI: Myst (Graveyard)

When last we left our heroine, she found herself in some sort of Rooder graveyard and Chopper was there bragging about chopping. It was good fun. With that said, let's continue...


So, we're back to Chopper chasing us. At least he has marginally less grating music (a ten second loop of thumping techno cords) compared to the default quiet tune (an unending humming like a gnat is buzzing in your ear...really. That's it.)


Oh well, I guess we have time to investigate Nancy's wrecked car. I thought Alyssa was drawn into some sort of dark cemetery which traps the souls of Rooders or some rot? What sort of half-assed dark realm let's you drive there? What's next? An expressway to Hades?

...It's Mum's handwriting.
22/3

"Guys, where is she?"
"She's not here. She's in some boarding school down the road!"
"What's this rubbish?! Nobody said anything about any school! How far are we talking here?"
"Like five miles..."
"Five miles?! You know how fucking heavy this acid tank is?! Screw that! Anyone have a car?"
"I can teleport."
"We can all teleport, dipshit."
"...I think it's cool."
"You know what? Screw it. I'm tired. My back is killing me. She could be in Algebra for all we know."
"Algebra?! Christ. Alright, the hell with it. Let's go get some lunch."


So...is it only on the date of one's fifteenth birthday that this whole ritual can fly? Or the entire year of being fifteen? If the former... How the hell can all of those girls earlier managed to have gotten themselves killed on their birthday? None of them could have just stayed in a closet all day or taken a trip out of town? It's like it's an eternal struggle between retarded children and even more retarded killers.


Alyssa tucks away her mother's doubt riddled note and flees to a nearby cabin. With three evil moths, a burning axe, and an undead albino all hot on her heels. I cannot believe I just typed that sentence with a straight face...


The domicile appears to belong to good old Mr. Chopper. Which means Alyssa is probably fairly boned at this point.


If not for the aid of a well placed shower curtain. Chopper is helpless to track down Miss Hamilton behind its impenetrable veil. I repeat... He cannot find the girl hiding in his own house...

Chopper wanders off, wishing he was contending with less of a master of stealth. This gives time for Alyssa to pilfer yet another file. Hurray.

Book of Entities III

So we find Chopper's true name... Harold. And discover he's pushing 350 years old...


Well, that's convenient. But...that also means all these killers are part of an actual group... Do they have a meeting lounge? Is there funny hats they are required to wear? A jersey? Was Harold democratically voted to head of this group? Or did he overthrow the previous leader, Jack the Tripper. A notorious prankster from the 1800s who stalked the streets of London, causing dozens of unaware citizens to loose their step and seem quite foolish.


Ham-fisted backstory aside, Alyssa returns outside to scout the area for clues.


The fountain Harold mounted has a bust of a two-eyed lion on its back. As opposed to the Six-Eyed Mountain Lions of Belize.


It also has a switch which makes its eyes glow red. What's that dull humming...? Is it the sound of a puzzle creeping upon us? Hmm... Nope... It's that fucking background 'music'!


Right, then. Down the path from the first fountain is two more fountains and a pedestal. Let's see what that has to say.


Sounds simple enough. Each of the three fountains have a lion bust with one, two, or three eyes.




To pass this puzzle, the game assumes you can count. I'm glad it's stopped holding our hand with these enigmas.



For our troubles, we receive a <insert plot device name here>. Yippee!

Alyssa backtracks aaaaaaaall the way back to the initial teleporter and up to the main square.


Well, one half down. One to go. Unfortunately, the next half is both much more boring and much more irritating.


First things first, a quick trip to the teleporter circle square to the south.


Miss Hamilton finds herself in an underground necropolis. One of which Harold doesn't bother to pay a visit to. Might as well check it out, at a leisurely pace, of course.


Only she of Rooder blood may heal our wounded spirits.


Here's the deal. There are hallways to the north, west, and east.


Really friggin' long hallways. Ones guarded by multi-colored KKK Klansmen Rooder spirits. The ghosts are no different from any other ghost in the game. They just cause a lot more filling of the panic meter than normal ghosts do. But, since Chopper isn't around and you'd need to be really stupid to get caught by a ghost three times in a row, they're a non-threat.


At the end of each corridor is a central room with a coffin.



These coffins each have a stone in them.



Each with an elemental theme.


Behind said coffins is a less than vague hint as to which stone should go into which room. The goal is, of course, to place the correct stones in the correct room. Sounds simple enough, right? Oh... But, there's a catch.


You can only carry one FUCKING stone at a FUCKING time. At no other time in the FUCKING game do they pull any sort of FUCKING inventory restriction malarkey. In fact, Alyssa is currently carrying eight FUCKING bottles of Lavender water, four FUCKING Sigil stones, three FUCKING invisibility bands, and enough FUCKING arrows to break FUCKING Legolas' FUCKING gay elf back! To make no mention that you can still easily be carrying the huge ass compass thing from earlier.

BUT ONLY ONE FUCKING STONE AT A TIME!






Oh, and don't even think you can just set the things on the ground in order to collect the next one. Oh no.


You need to go all the way back to the start to plop one down before you can grab the next.


Did I mention these hallways were pretty damn long? Not even taking into fact you have to bait the ghosts camping half way down the things each time before you can safely pass. Sure, you can get hit. But the ghost hug animation takes just as long as baiting the thing and running past.


I hit record just as I began this section. Seven minutes and twenty three seconds from teleport in to teleport out. All just to free some nameless shmuck ghosts.



Oh, and another stupid ass plot device item.

Alyssa uses the teleporter to return to the hub area.


This had better be worth it. Harold had better explode in a fountain of blood and gibs for doing all this.



Oh, fuck that!

Tune in next time for more fucking bullshit!