Part 1

Crystalis is brought to you by SNK. I was going to say something stupid like "lol did they make any more games after this" but apparently they did. Truckloads. Thank God for doing research.



And we are treated to our first outdated apocalyptic message. The world gets fucked on October 1, 1997. Obviously, this didn't happen - Wikipedia ( ) says that the only thing that happened was a school shooting in Missouri. (rip ) Seeing as how we're coming up on the ten year anniversary of D-Day, I'd like to finish this LP before October. That shouldn't be a problem, barring unavoidable circumstances.



Boom.



Not all of them. There's a  dolphin . Punches holes in your weak theory, SNK.




This is a noble thing that they did. The world blew itself up and that sucks. They'd rather not have it happen again, so they decided to build a peacekeeping tower. Is there a problem with that? I don't have to destroy the damn thing, do I? That's like asking me to blow up a police station. Terrorism.



And so we arrive at the opening screen. I just totally legally bought this game 20 minutes ago, so there's nothing to continue. Let's start!



...and we are immediately treated to a dragon, with birds in the background. When I was a kid, I never got the purpose of this, and I still don't. Thank you for showing us this dragon and the respective birds.



So? They're just different. They look like friendly dragons.
_{As a side note, I never actually made it past the dragon screen before this. I always hit start immediately to go to the name select.}



More birds. And houses. These are lovely images. Thank you for them?



Maybe you shouldn't have voted people into power who fucked the world up. And if you didn't vote at all, then you just don't have any reason to complain, do you, Sparky?



Wait, what? Are you still going on about the tower? What the hell? It's here for our safety. It's protecting us from ourselves.



Are you shitheads even listening to me??







And here are some completely useless green screens that are thrown at us. They remind me vaguely of Mega Man.



And now our seemingly unnecessary hero needs a name. Titface wouldn't fit, so I'm going to leave it open for suggestions.

_{Unless they all fucking suck, in which case he is going to remain Titfac.}