Part 7: Chapter VII: Lu Bu is Destined to Disappoint and Anger

Chapter VII: Lu Bu is Destined to Disappoint and Anger



Meanwhile, in Chang'an..

"We can finally live without fear of Dong Zhuo."

"Do you know Yuan Shu? He is said to be a very cruel man."

"Yuan Shu calls himself the Emperor."

"If Yuan Shu and Yuan Shao cooperate, they'll be very strong."

"Wow! Beautiful girls!"

"I've never seen such a big castle. With so much to drink and so many women [a grand total of one in this entire town], this must be paradise."

"Oh! Stay away from me, you brute!"



I... should probably update my equipment, we're carrying weapons we found in dungeons, still in robes, if they even have robes, and no one has a helmet yet.



Before:



And after, while the A.P isn't too much of a drastic change, the A.C values will make melee commanders even more amusingly obsolete. Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu would have been even more silly than they were if we bothered equipping people correctly.



In case you were wondering, you can save the game in houses that look like this.



No, "Invite" doesn't let you set up NES wi-fi to battle with your friends, but it calls Liu Bei over to the town you're in, so he can sit on the throne in all his glory. It also exists to be a prick and be all like, "hey Liu Bei, we need you in Chang'an. Nope never mind, we're in Xuzhou, Jingzhou now!" In this case, we actually need Liu Bei in Chang'an to progress the plot.

"Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, you have served* me well. Please rest here."

*Not so bro' for life of him.



Hundreds upon hundreds of men all sleeping on three beds.

"Guan Yu... Guan Yu... Liu Bei is calling you. Zhang Fei. Wake Up. Liu Bei is waiting."



What is it, o great dictator not-so-brother?

"Excuse me Lu Bu. I'm sorry to wake you up so early but a messenger from Cao Cao has just arrived."

"The great General Yuan Shu of Nanyang has somehow acquired the Imperial Seal and now calls himself the Emperor. We can't allow him to keep it. The Imperial Seal is the proof of royalty. If it falls into the wrong hands..."

In case you're wondering, he found the seal in a well at the destroyed Luoyang, but I guess "finders keepers, losers weepers" doesn't apply when it comes to ruling a nation.



Hate you too, Liu Bei.



Some commander guy tries to hold the party up, but they scare him off, or do something with him not involving death so that he comes back to harass them five battles later.



Anyway, I'm sure Yuan Shu who is like the worst person ever because he refused to supply Sun Ce with food, and god forbid picked the Chinese crown off the ground won't do anything too rash while we explore this establishment in the south.



"Hey barkeep! Get me another drink."

"I'm Zhao Yun. May I join you.[sic]"
Yes
No
"Thank you. I currently have an obligation to Gongsun Qian, so I will have to wait until after the battle to join your force. After the war, I'll be back here."

This game needs more bars, seeing as a good chunk of the story is central to drunkards.







Maybe it's a good thing that one cannot consume alcohol in this game, seeing as a good number of generals were killed while they were drunk.

"To the battlefield! Destroy Liu Bei's army!"





More like Lei-mo.



Also, the Lu Bu we faced was the trial mode, this is him in the party. He basically does what Zhang Fei does, while Guan Yu runs circles around the two. It must be his lack of invisible haxxy equipment that he once had.

"This is Yuan Castle. People here have suffered greatly from Yuan Shu's reign."

"He calls himself the Emperor? That's ridiculous."

"Yuan Shu ran off with all of our young girls. What will we do?"

Yeah yeah, and Yuan Shu also traveled through time and was the one who directed the meteor to hit Earth and wipe out all the dinosaurs according to how this game is progressing. He also gave Ganon the the power piece of the Triforce, invented the Metroid and taught all the enemy warlords how to use tactics with their revamped armies that he funded from the profits earned by the young women in this village whom he forced into prostitution.



But I just bought- like I mean- or-



Branches on the world map include two paths that gradually lead to a castle. We take the mountain path, because we're real men, and mountains don't bother us.



"Prepare to fight Ji Ling."



Basically, Lei Bo all over again, only this time we have new fancy Padded Armour.



The good side is his companion isn't THAT much of a joke as Lei Bo's was. Both are still pretty dumb and will subsequently suffer greatly for it; that's China!



We go with the age old tactic of stabbing the second commander, while Guan Yu blasts the other guy. Have I even mentioned the Rebel Forces since the Yellow Scarves?







The enemies have heat seeking missiles on Lu Bu.



Fortunately upon defeat, there is an inn in this village to repair the badly beaten (as usual) Lu Bu.

"Zhao Yun at the bar is one of the tigers."

"That's a young girl! I thought Yuan Shu had kidnapped all the girls here."

No.. no, that's just Lu Bu's strength manifesting into human form that you're seeing.

"Are you Lu Bu?"
Yes
No
"My wife has something to tell you."

"The west gate of Nanyang Castle is under construction. If you attack now, you can probably break it easily."

Or you can just storm the front gates, not like anyone with any ability is going to stop the team.



Before any of that is done, establishments come first!



"He is very busy. He can't meet anyone."

Son of a- we can see him over your head kid, he's pacing in place, possibly examining the pot in the room.



Welp, that was productive, let's see what freaks we are against today.

"Crush them!"



Enemy battle formation look familiar to you? We already faced and totally destroyed Han Xiang multiple times in commander battles throughout this area, and his friend:



Excels excellently in being a mook.

"This is Chencang, no one's here but me."



No one will be needing this then.



Lies upon lies upon deceit upon lies!

"Lu Bu, this is a letter of introduction for you to give to Shui Jing [the guy looking at the pot in his house]. Go to him and he will help you."
Lu Bu has a letter.

-Backtracking to that one guy's house.

"That letter is from Xu Yuanzhi? I'm sorry sir. Come right in."

"So, you know Xu Yuanzhi? Then I give you my advice freely. If you use Fu Long or Feng Chu as your strategist, no one can stand before you."

Uh, thanks for the sage advice, and the EXP gained from hiking over here? Believe it or not, but this conversation is needed to progress the game, as he will help us very soon.



Moving on, a bit north of Chencang lies this cave in which we will raid for weapon upgrades and completionist purposes. Unlike the previous cave which housed the Gold Key, this one only has items and is completely optional.



That being said, it's still pretty nice just to have a few Spears kicking around. Although this cave has a fair share of branches, it only has two sets of stairs that both lead to treasure.





New commanders also begin to ride our asses around this area. We'll inevitably end up having to fight them in warlord battles.







I just bought these for everyone!







This is the only good reason to go through this cave.





Horribly outdated armour, woo?



When used in combat, this item guarantees the user will strike a critical hit.





And money, which will be abruptly pissed away when I go back to go buy new armour for the group.



To prevent the soldier bars from intertwining with the enemy's, upon gaining a certain number of troops, the bar changes colour and condenses. However at higher levels, they do end up intermingling with the enemy's bars anyway.



Rarely though, you do get attacked by a dickish commander, but it's best to run, as this cave is long and annoying.



Lu Bu!



Lu... Bu..



Yuan Shu was such a cool person; too bad his reign was so short that it could be summed up in a single update.

"Take them out before they are ready."



Now you see him..



Now you don't!

"Crush them!"



And the Liang brothers are the same jerks who decided to follow the team into the cave.



And the big guy, this is one of my favourite segments in the game due to the sudden difficulty curve.

"Prepare to die!"



At least they saved the hardest commander in the area for this battle, or this would be another snore fest.



That being said, Yuan Shu is by all means not a push over, and Lu Bu, Zhang Fei and co will have to resort to traditional physical fighting for him.



This might be the first time in awhile that Guan Yu cannot decimate everything without having to risk missing.



And of course, guess who they make hitting a priority?



For the first time since the Yellow Scarves, the tactician is on heal duty, as Yuan Shu can KO someone easily if left unchecked.



After him and Lu Fan are out of the picture, it ends like how every battle ends.

"You are very strong. But when strength fails, running is a good strategy. Goodbye Guan Yu.

-But Yuan Shu was surrounded by Zhang Fei-

"You dare defy me? Let me go, I am the Emperor."

"Yes"

-Yuan Shu ran away to Bohai. His brother Yuan Shao was waiting there.*



This chapter is almost finished, I swear! Hopefully, this will be the longest update I'll post.

"This is Nanyang Castle. Yuan Shu was killed and we were freed.

I guess he died in a snowstorm on his way back to Bohai, or got gang raped by brigands while he was fleeing or something?

"Didn't I just see Yuan Shu right outside the castle. [sic]"

"All of our girls have returned."

"Lu Bu! Yuan Shao in Bohai is preparing to go to war to avenge his brother's death. Be careful."



Usually, I'd bitch about the new hat, seeing as everyone just got Caps, but with the treasure cave looted, gold isn't a problem at this moment.

We then have to summon Liu Bei to sit on the throne in Nanyang.

"Lu Bu! In killing Yuan Shu, you have served me well. But you must be careful. Yuan Shu's brother will probably come looking for revenge."

Ah well, if he does, then we'll wreck him.



La la la~~



Damn encounters so frequent, when I was a young un' *mutter mutter mutter*

"Lu Bu. I've been waiting for you. I'm Yuan Shao, the lord of Bohai Castle. I'll kill you and redeem my brother's glory. Prepare to die!"









LU BU!!

Obviously this isn't going to end well, what will happen? Read on.