Part 29: Fake update #4: A tour of Glenborus
Fake update #4: A tour of Glenborus
Let's take a look around the Dwarven Village of Glenborus. There are sights to be seen. All dialogue in this update is from the game.
Let's start with Rowan the pig farmer.
Male! Can't you tell?
Not really. You see, your human habit of shaving your beards means you all look female to me.
Well, there are other physical pointers to indicate human sex, you know.
Ah, but I'm a well brought-up dwarf, you see. I would never permit myself to pay attention to any physical feature below your neck. Even if standing below you makes that rather difficult. My name is Rowan Camelwig. I'm a pig farmer.
Yes, I could tell by your... boots.
Heh heh. My wife always says to me: 'Rowan, I know you can't breed pigs without walking in shit, but can you please not tread it into my carpets!' Lovely woman she is. Very understanding.
You must do a roaring trade, seeing how much you dwarves love your pork and bacon.
And pig's milk too, don't forget! I know you other races don't like the taste, but we dwarves couldn't start the day without a big swig of pig's milk. Best hangover cure there is!
Well, I can see how it would help you throw-up any booze left over in your stomach from the night before. I'll just be off before I step in something.
Call 'round any time stranger! I'm always ready to chat, day or night.
That dialogue doesn't change if your gender is female, by the way. Yes, the actual game's dialogue includes the word 'shit', but that's the only place.
Thorgrim the Death? What an odd name. Are you a warrior or an assassin?
Nay, nay! I'm a stonemason. I cut headstones for graves to be exact. Best in the business. Indeed, I'm the only one in the business. I'm the only professional headstone carver in Rivellon since old Bettlemere the Elf died.
So if I'm planning to die, I have to come to you?
Only if you want to be remembered after your death: if you want to go to an anonymous grave, that's your business.
I mean to leave a tombstone of fame and glory to keep my memory alive after I die.
Fair enough. But folk might still have difficulty finding which plot of earth on which to lay flowers in your memory if you don't have a marker stone.
I think I can live with that...
T'aint living that's in question here, mate. It's dying. Maybe after you're dead, a bunch of flowers may mean a bit more to you. Still, it's your funeral.
In the game, the map labeled Rivellon shows all of Rivellon. But personally, I believe that the planet (or at least continent) is called Rivellon. So I think his claim to be the only headstone carver in Rivellon is an exaggeration. There are a quite a lot of headstones just in this part of the game map alone.
Also, in his house is a unique book for gravediggers. I was planning to show it in Chapter 22, but I found a better spot for it later on.
I might ask the same of you, dwarf - you stink of dung from two halberd's length's away.
Oh, a human. I thought it was Rowan the pig breeder. Why is it all you humans smell like pigs?
I don't know. Why do you smell like a dung-pit?
I am Grod the Dung-lugger. I haul excrement from the village out to fertilize the fields. It's an ancient and honorable trade, and profitable, but the odor is a bit of a setback. I suppose you don't know any girls with no sense of smell, do you? Any race, I'm not picky.
I did know a nice little imp woman in Rivertown a couple of years back. She couldn't smell a rotten fish if you held it under her nose. Her name is Foornix. If I see her, I'll tell her to pay you a visit. Last I heard, she was single and looking for a husband.
Sounds perfect! Foornix, you say? Maybe I'll wander down that way and pay my respects.
Good luck. I'm sure you'll make a lovely couple.
Obviously, this conflicts with my fictional backstory for Jeremiah. There also aren't any imp women in the game (as far as I can tell), and certainly none called Foornix. Perhaps this was a deleted quest.
Also, in his back room you can find the 6th volume of The Adventure of the Dreaming Gem.
What makes your ale so superior to that sold in the taverns?
Ahhh... now that be my secret ingredient that adds much more than a sweet smell to my brews. Most dwarves have a liking to become drunk quickly and this ingredient makes my ale mighty powerful. Two bottles of my ale and ye'll be dancing for days.
What is this wonderful ingredient you are using?
Hah! Not a chance, human! Old Rimmer here can make a tidy fortune with that secret and I'm a taking it to my grave.
Yes I would like a bottle. How much for it?
That will be 5 gold bits. I only sell large bottles you know.
Rimmer's ale is very special. We'll come back for some during the course of the narrative. Now, let's take a tour of the area around the town. Here's the map.
In Glenborus, the local jail is conveniently located beneath the tavern. I get the impression that things get rather rowdy there on occasion.
Rimmer's house is the unlabelled marker located underneath Grod Dungluggers place (please forgive my misspelling).
East of the town, you can find a whole lot of booze just lying around. Why? Who knows.
South of the booze, you can find some human thugs/bandits hanging around some barrels and a builder pile. But if you move some of the boulders, you discover that they're concealing a niche in the rock. Inside is a unique Great Sword. I think it's called the Blade of Chaos or something. It's not related to a quest, it's just a nice sword.
North of Gregar's house are more thugs guarding two locked chests. Locked chests in the middle of nowhere are really annoying, because you can never be sure if there's a key for them or not. I spent two minutes scouring an area in the Dark Forest with the Alt key held down looking for a key to a chest over there. Nothing.
Luckily in this case, the keys are two screens to the west, barely visible to the un-alted eye. The chests contained some traps, gold, and a couple of other things. Nothing interesting.
Southwest of the village is the Shrine of Good and Evil. Touch it, and one of your attributes is raised or lowered based on your reputation, to a maximum of +/- 5. If you have a neutral reputation, like I do here, it's a crapshoot.
The portrait pictured is that for a generic entity, don't worry about it. It's used several places, including when you want to walk from one map to another.
In the game I retried until I got +5 to something, in my case strength. That's good, a free 2 attribute points is always nice to have. That's not a typo, I did say that the shrine gives you 5 and that I would end up with 2 free attribute points. You'll find out what I mean by that later...
I hate this. I do not have any bloody idea what this key is for. There are no chests up this way, or the other way. It's just a context-less key sitting in the middle of bloody nowhere, opening something nowhere near it. I might even find the chest and lockpick it open before finding this key, and then I'll forever have a useless key in my backpack. Screw you, mystery key.
Further along is a mystery scene of abandoned stuff. Who left this here? Why? Were they practicing using Meteorstrike on that burned tree? Who knows. I like little scenes like this. Either way, it's a free point in Meteorstrike.
That's pretty much all I want to show of Glenborus for the moment. There's not a lot let, really.
Tomorrow's update, Jeremiah goes to war.