Part 116: Hinnom - Turn 18
Turn 18
Well, this is it. My first attack on Lanka's capital! All those many turns of planning. The lost Melqarts. The late nights. The crying. The tubs of ranch dressing and cases of code red.
But first, let's see how those poor fools fared who thought Applejack was better than Fluttershy, shall we? And that's why they were put in front. Nobody argues with King Hippomnomnomnom about animes and lives!
And now to see our inevitable glorious conquest of those horrible tiny monkeys!
You have no idea what I've been through to be here.
AH! Uh, dude, uh, nice island you got here. I was just, uh, dude I was just
tikka tikka tikka Fuck.
Let's see what happened. That, that is a lot of atavi and markata.
The plan was for my cavemans to use their nets to hold down Palankasha so the Dawn Guard could bop them on the head. All those markata streaming forward are going to fuck up the plan. Thunder strike and acid rain spam isn't helping either. But, some of the biggest damage comes from the atavi archers. Acid rain destroys armor and leaves my dawn guard naked as a babe before the poop-smeared barbs of the monkey legions. This is a clever thing TheDemon did - destroying the armor of the arrow catchers I mixed in so that his tiny monkey arrows kill my giants.
By the time the cavemans even make it to the enemy lines there are less than half left. In my year two mistakes list I will, once again, include my failure to use battle magic. It would be difficult to overstate what a mistake that has been. Oh, and having another unkitted unbuffed Melqart attacking. He... he doesn't make it. I can't watch.
Behind, in Nardago, two Melqarts set about raiding. At least if I can cut off some of TheDemon's income he will feel those markata losses a bit more... fuck. Just fuck.
I bid a huge 306 gold on the Ship wreckers. They are an amphibious mercenary company that can wreck ship
Last turn I hired obscuro so none of the nations without air access could get him. As Mictlan I always try to hire this guy for site searching. My plan is that he will build a lab to recruit those jade sorceresses who have a shot at w2 so I can site search water too.
Diplomacy
This turn is the low point of this game for me. That's not saying it gets any better in terms of my morale, just that it never gets worse. I had what I thought was a clever response and I had thought that my plan for a multi-front war was finally working, despite heavy losses I thought we were finally there. Let's take a look at a little chat (only paraphrased a tiny bit) TheDemon and I had on IRC after this.
Do you like my mustache?
Dude... what? Can't you just leave me alone.
Ha-ha! Just kidding, look at how I have destroyed your pixel mans. I'm coming for you and I'm going to kill you next.
Dude.
You might have killed my cavemans, but at least I'll be alive twenty turns from now.
I kill everyone.