Part 146: Hinnom - Diplomacy

Diplomacy


It didn't make sense that I be there. I mean these guys were hard-core players, but there I was. At that point, I wasn't scared, I knew I hadn't done anything they could do me for. Besides, it was fun. I got to make like I was notorious






And Flash would totally win cause he can like, vibrate through walls and stuff.


Oh, hey dude. What's up? We were just talking about Flash vs. Batman.


You trying to get a rise out of me, Hinnom? Obviously Batman!


I hope I didn't disturb you. We have a problem. I wanted to talk to you. Lilli is doing a real job on Dexanth. Three million provinces, maybe more. We need protection.


I'm just going to live alone and be one of those guys -- you know, the crazy guys -- with a big beard and no clothes who's naked and throws doodie at people.


I'm speechless! I have no speech!


I'm not knocking you. You look like you've got a good little seam going with these wars with Lanka and T'ien Ch'i. But don't tell me you don't need this.


Dude that makes sense, but don't you think we should, like, I don't know, be more proactive?


What are you suggesting?


I don't know, dude. Just, like, maybe we should go out and maybe we can make one of those water finding sticks. But for, you know, winning. The three of us.


Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished this? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!


I just can't believe we're just gonna walk into certain death.


In Pangaea, my maenads love me. They have huge pictures of me up the walls and in their home, like Lenin. I can't let them down.


We can do it, dude.


To the end? BUT WHY ME? WHY NOT FEINNE OR THEDEMON OR DEXANTH? My nation is crippled. Why me? We can never win against that kind of force!


Never say never, dude.






Going to join Schneeble? Do you love him?


AH! Oh, uh, hi dude. How's it going?


Why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?


I'm trying to buy some jerky and a slushy, and suddenly you're standing over there by the Ho Hos. What do you expect me to do? You're dead.


Half.


Dude.


You didn't know what Lilli was gonna do? You're the second player to say that to me. What, exactly, did you think she was going to do?


Dude, what do you want me to do about it?


Tell Schneeble it's going to be all right, builds character. Lie, like I lied.






Hello and, again, welcome to the Mictlan Science computer-aided enrichment center. We hope your brief staydetention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from-- *bzzzzzt*

Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias



So, uh, Arco got hit by a meteor, or an asteroid. I don't know the difference but it's gone.


Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the turkey death squads will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!


Uh, whoa, dude! What’s your plan next? Because, I’d like to see Feinne dead before your Zmeywaffe comes for me and I would be willing to delay any teaming up plans to make that happen.


Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apologies on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment. Frankly, this game was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now. No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response.


Dude, I’m not quitting! If you’re going to attack me, at least attack Feinne first because he screwed both of us over.


Quit now and cake will be served immediately.




Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a Zmey. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the Ozelotl.


Dude. At least kill me after Feinne, OK?


All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The Zmey really is the way to go.






Morning.


Mind if I join you?


Please. You want some chicken?


No thank you, I just ate.


Dude, it looks like someone steam rolled TC.


You know, a wise man once said that war was coming to this island...I think it just got here. Why don’t we team up? You’re just being stubborn and we need each other now. You can believe whatever you want, that's the truth. I know what it's like to feel joy... to feel pain, anger, fear... to experience betrayal. I know what it's like to lose a battle to a defensive movement trap. So if you wanna kill me, kill me. But you're so close to winning, builds character. It would be such a shame to turn back now.


Great idea, dude, go look into the burning death hole. Why would you team up with me after all this?


Because Lilli is convinced that she's protecting the Island from me, when in fact all I want to do is leave. So it's either kill or be killed. And I don't wanna be killed. Give me a ten turn NAP with one turn notice and we’ll bring down a storm on this world like it has never known.


Oh, it's because of the doomsday button, isn't it? Let me think about it dude. We’ve been fighting for a long time.


I gave you the opportunity to leave peacefully and you didn't take it. Because you’re convinced that you're protecting the Island from me too. All I want to do is leave!


Alright dude. But you have to, you know, tell me when I do stupid stuff.


Deal.


Do you have any idea how badly I still want to kill you?


Yes.


One of these days, sooner or later, I'm going to find a loophole, my friend.


Well when you do, I'll be right here.


Always nice talking to you builds.







I'd save your shadow blasts. So it's you?


It’s me.


You seem to be taking this extremely well.


Taking what extremely well?


The fact that I'm here.


Lilli is pretty pissed off. She'll do anything. Now I got a way to handle her without us killing anyone: but, they won't let me in without you.


I'm not a rat. But, I wanted to talk to you. The other guys - They're gonna do a job. Three million provinces, maybe more. They're going to hit Mictlan.


I'm sorry Schneeble, I think you're a little confused about what I came here to do.


Lilli went after Dexanth first. He was a good guy. Crazy though. A top notch diplomat. Then Feinne. He always worked with Dexanth. Was a real loose cannon, but when it came to the mechanics, he was right on. Smart guy. Modded whatever you needed for next to nothing.


She's never going to stop with them, you know that. This way we hit her where it hurts and get well in the mean time. As clean as you could ever get, they'll never let you go now. I'm your answer.


I gave builds character the opportunity to leave peacefully and he didn't take it.


Don't hurt me.


So what's gonna happen, Schneeble?


You get your deal and are on the scene before the Zmey. The bane lords and turkeys get slaughtered three days later. Within a few weeks, fifty more go down with them. It will be beautiful. Everybody gets it right in the ass, from the chief on down.


Same terms as builds character?


Same terms.


You don’t have his territory.


He doesn’t have my lawyer.


Alright then, let's get on with it.






And that was how it began.







Guys?


Guys!


Guys...