Part 151: Hinnom - Turn 51
Turn 51
More gems flood in from King Hippomnomnomnom's allies to power the secret weapon and trade continues with Sauromatia even though Sauromatia's contribution is conspicuously absent.
Blood hunting is down to zero as the heartland of Hinnom is besieged by Zmey.
Otherwise, nothing unexpected this turn. The Zmeywaffe continues to roll across my remaining territory, resulting in a huge number of battles as King Hippomnomnomnom's people continue to suffer for their faith.
A polite message from Schneeble about our trade.
Research in evocation 6 is complete but I'm headed to 7 for rain of stones and a few other big evos. I think there's a natural stopping point at 7 and in a lot of games folks won't ever hit evo 9. I put the remainder of my research into conjuration. It's time to work on summoning some badass SC chassis.
Mictlan has violated every convention of war and sacrifices virgin slaves atop
's bloody alter to tear the veil of reality and send horrors from beyond at the peaceful noncombatant populace of Hinnom. 
In Wicker Woods, a Zmey is lazily burning and pillaging the countryside, eating the people and raping the inns. From out of nowhere a black van pulls up across the street and the door slides open. The A-Team steps out and after a few brief moments of violence (children avert your eyes!) the van peals away, leaving only a lightning riddled Zmey corpse.
The A-Team foolishly takes a souvenir.
In Isurian, Kugri wisely sees fit to send a noble minion to bring the joyous news of King Hippomnomnomnom's ascendancy to a grateful people.
Nothing can stand before the might of King Hippomnomnomnom's mechanical giants! Well, not province defense anyway.
A few jaguar warriors reclaim the field after :Zero Emissions: flies away to spread the good word elsewhere. They claim a victory over the mighty dragon, but in their hearts they know the truth and give thanks that he moved on.
:Zero Emissions: continues to decimate Mictlan's mage corps with its finely honed arguments.
That is a lot of troops.
King Hippomnomnomnom's last blood hunter flees to safety.
In Wicker Woods, the black van accelerates away from the scene when they hear the whoosh of gargantuan wings and a gout of flames throws their van off the road.
Zmey, Zmey go away, come again some other day.
Did you know the Mictlan language has 37 words for "three-headed fire breathing dragon" but not a single word for mercy?
Through hard work, a commitment to truth and the gift of a perfect jawline, :Zero Emissions: has become one of the world's most beloved heroes.
His increased agility allows him to deftly evade straw men, non sequiturs and false dichotomies.
Now that the kids are in bed, let's see exactly what happens with the A-Team, shall we? Fortunately for them, SUCK IT TREBEK brought Tempest along. Tempest is an artifact I forged a few turns ago that lets the wielder cast Thunder Strike. More importantly, it auto-casts storm so the Zmey will have to slog across the battlefield to get to my mages. They also bring a couple bottles of living water which spawn huge water elementals to block for them.
Thunder strikes rain down on the Mictlan's front lines.
Obliterating Lilli's screen of troops.
It really is nice to be on the other end of this for once.
RIP tiny pixel mans.
Now there's just the Zmey left to face. Lock and load lads.
Have I mentioned how much I love orb lightning?
These mages are off-script but they continue to rain orb lightning on this Zmey. That's how good it is. The AI actually prefers it to ghost wolves!
After a round, the poor Zmey is getting tired.
PEW PEW PEW
Hush little guy, it's :Zero Emissions: turn to be in the hall of fame.
I have to admit it hadn't occurred to me that this would happen. The A-Team cloud trapezed onto a Zmey and held its hand as it went gently into the dark night. That happened in the magic phase. In the normal movement phase,
completed his move to the province. Enraged at the sight of Murdock cutting the lycanthrope amulet off of the freshly dead Zmey, attacked.
Damnit Murdock, that is a lycanthrope amulet and you are a caster. Murdock is now berserk and will charge straight at
. Any wagers on how this ends?
I've been playing entirely wrong for so long. Thunder strike is wonderful!
Poor
has taken part in more than his fair share of battles. 
The poor dragon's body is a patchwork of scars.
PEW!
PEW PEW!
was young once. His mother and father were the first dragons, ancient enemies of the previous Pantokrator. After the ascension war they occasionally clashed with the Pantokrator, but they were too powerful for the Pantokrator to destroy without risk and the Pantokrator was too well guarded for them to reach without sacrifice. This state of uneasy peace continued for eons and in those eons
's parents hatched a brood of little dragons. From the earliest days he could remember, was their favorite. His tiny chirping brought smiles to their faces for the first time since the ascension war. They loved their brood well and truly and for a time it seemed as if the ascension war might remain a distant memory. But it was not to be. The Pantokrator was a vain and wrathful god and he carried the memory of their opposition with him always. One day
returned home to find the cave in ruins. The Pantokrator had enlisted the aid of the Hangadrott of Helheim to cover his armies with glamour and open the gateways of Hell to travel, unseen by 's parents. 's father had been at home, caring for 's brother and sister and he had wreaked terrible destruction upon the Pantokrator's army. Perhaps, together, he and 's mother might have overcome the Pantokrator and his army, but alone he was not strong enough. In a furious battle he destroyed the Pantokrator's army and wounded the Pantokrator but his children were slain and his wounds were mortal. The Pantokrator fled and when 's mother returned she found 's siblings dead and her mate wounded beyond her power to heal. Assuming that too had been killed, she took to the air in pursuit of the Pantokrator. She was determined to exact revenge for her mate and children and end the Pantokrator's despotic rule once and for all. flew to his father, dying amid the wreckage of the Pantokrator's army. In the distance a vast explosion sounded and and his father both knew - 's mother was dead, but she had exacted her vengeance. With his dying breath, :smaug:'s father looked at his son and said "remember us and live well."For a time, a grief-stricken :smaug: had caromed aimlessly among the people's of the world. Some sought to worship him while others fled in terror, but it was not until he landed among the terrible blood stained pyramids of Mictlan that he found a home.
As :smaug: closed his eyes for the last time he looked back with regret on the path of war he'd led his people down. He hoped that his father would understand. It was grief that had driven him. Perhaps with more time he might have come to rule as Pantokrator wisely and with kindness, but it was too late for that now.
And with that, he was gone.
Kugri's gift had allowed one of King Hippomnomnomnom's scouts to take Isurian unopposed. In gratitude for their release from Mictlan's enslavement a grateful citizen led the scout to a statue in King Hippomnomnomnom's likeness.
The citizens linked hands and chanted together. "His coming has been foretold." it was a bit odd, but the scout would report the presence of the statue to his superiors immediately.
In Histyra, King Hippomnomnomnom signals the counter strike. His brother, Savnok, Son of the Grigori Kokabel, is clad in the most powerful weapons of war the world has ever seen and with a small group of compatriots he ventures forth to do battle with the flower of the Zmeywaffe. Their brother Ornias, Son of the Grigori Ezekiel, prepares to break the chains that bind the four winds together and unleash a storm such as the world has never known. A storm against which even the Zmeywaffe cannot stand.
a plane crash asks Kugri to send yet another minion to bring peace and the light of King Hippomnomnomnom's teachings to the infidels of Mictlan.
With the Zmeywaffe grounded (Perpetual Storm cancels all movement that requires flying. So if you're moving one space then you can still move, but if you were moving three and flying over difficult terrain then that flight will be grounded and you'll be stuck at the departure gate until next turn) King Hippomnomnomnom's forces break out all over the empire. In High Woods, PEW PEW PEW equips the hat of lightning bolts and ventures forth.
In Pania, fighting webfoots flies out to compete with the turkey for the title of fightiest bird.
While in Histyra, Savnok, cool step dad, scuba steve, silly sammy slick sipped 6 sodas, MOM'S TENNIS INSTRUCTOR, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH and The A Team Van all ride out to find death or glory.
Let's take a look at their scripting
Savnok has tons of HP so the AI should target him first. He is casting Astral Shield and then chilling out while everyone else buffs him. cool step dad is blessing him and then casting winter ward. Winter ward will bring his 50% cold resist up to 100% and will make him fully immune to bane lord cold auras. Then cool step dad will join scuba steve on dropping cleansing water on the bane lords. silly sammy slick sipped 6 sodas will buff him with body ethereal while THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH will cast regeneration and help him regenerate even more HP a turn. The A Team Van will spam ghost wolves to slow down and break up the advance of the Zmeywaffe.
Let's take a look at Savnok. Magic duel takes pearls to cast and so far I haven't seen any indication that Lilli has brought any pearls with her turkeys so I'm not worried about it in this battle. Just to be safe, I brought silly sammy slick sipped 6 sodas who will eat the first one (or until he dies). I'm also facing fire and ice in the form of Zmey breath attacks and bane lord frost brands and cold auras. Once in battle, Savnok will rely on Aegis to do his killing for him. With eleventy five attacks a turn and only 18 MR, Zmey should murder themselves quite quickly (think of it like an eye shield except instead of blind you're turned to stone and die). Still, it's important that he survive to deliver all that death. Astral shield, which also keys off magic resist will help with that as both it and aegis's petrification proc on attack and not on hit. Anyway, let's take a look at what I've given him to make sure he does. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions.
Faithful will give him luck without using a misc slot. I was tempted to double up on shields and give him the lucky coin but I figured he ought to be able to stab stuff just in case.
Hydra skin armor gives him 10% regeneration (8hp/turn) which is nice but not quite enough if astral shield and aegis don't end up working against the Zmey. It also gives him immunity to poison.
Birch boots give two reinvigoration and 50% immunity to cold. Winter ward will give the other 50% and make him entirely immune to bane lord cold auras.
Regeneration stacks so this brings his regen up to 20%. That should stack with THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH to bring him up to truly absurd levels of regeneration and keep him in the fight even against multiple Zmey and bane lords.
Krupp's bracers provide additional reinvigoration and a nice defense bump.
With Krupp's bracers and the birch boots he's at 5 reinvigoration. With a bless he will be at 7, more than enough to reduce any fatigue he accumulates from casting astral shield and keep him at 0 fatigue throughout the fight.
20% regeneration is 17hp/turn. That's pretty good and will be made even better by the spell from THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
This is Aegis. Every time something attacks it has to pass a magic resistance check or it dies.
Final confirmation that TheDemon's secret weapon is Perpetual Storm. Before casting this my understanding was that it triggered storm in every battle and stopped everything that doesn't have the rare #stormflying tag from flying on the strategic map. That would leave my iron dragons and any Queens of Air I summon free to continue raiding. Next turn we'll see if that's how dom3 actually works!
In Hinnom, King Hippomnomnomnom sends did I catch a niner? and this is a sweet gig out with three Horite Hunters to break the siege. If all goes well, Savnok will rip out the heart of the Zmeywaffe while I break the sieges on my other castles and the Mechanical Giants and :Zero Emissions: continue raiding.
Gemgen Counter
Blood stones: 59
Cost: 292E, 436 slaves
Gems Generated: 480
Diplomacy
Are you fucking kidding me? I haven't seen this kind of luck since you in Portal 1.
Uh, dude, what?