Part 155: Hinnom - Turn 55

Turn 55

A bit of diplomacy first as Incy subs in for Lilli after she discovers a single potato really isn't enough to power a dom3 playing supercomputer.

Diplomacy


Shit I am high. What the fuck am I doing here? What happened to those lingerie models? Ugh, I can't hear what that guy is saying. Why is he talking so bloody fast? I really hope I win something good.


Good God, I am hungover. Let's see. A bill for Mictlan Enterprises from Sotheby's? My God, what did I do last night? I don't even understand half of this nonsense. I am a billionaire business tycoon, not some kid hopped up on soft drinks and blood sacrifice.


Let me just take a closer look at this bill of sale.




Fuck.


Yes, get me the auction house. What do you mean all sales are final? Well, fuck you too.


Fuck.




Yes? Hello? Yes, new management at Mictlan Enterprises here. I wonder if we might come to an understanding. We didn't murder those people. But I don't expect you to believe that. Oh, that old thing? On the junk heap. Totally above-board now. Leveraging our expertise to turn over a new leaf. Circling the wagons and focusing on clients. Just going to hammer out this right sizing really and focus on wallet share. Yes, I know the optics are bad but we're within a nine iron of massaging these numbers so they really pop.


Yes, yes I think we can agree to that. Yes, pleasure as always. Looking forward to it. Cheerio!




This game is mine. It always was. It will be again.


Enlightenment is like your face reflected on the monitor.
Your face does not get shot with King Hippomnomnomnom's railgun, nor does the monitor quad damage.
Although you are wide and fat,
Your face is reflected even in a phone only an inch wide.
The whole face and all of your three nublet chins
Are reflected in one pixel on the screen.
-A TUB OF RANCH DRESSING

What is the sound of one hand eating Cheetos?
-Ornias

To what shall
I liken the world?
Red LEDS, reflected
In dew cans.
Scattered gently on empty pizza boxes.
-A TUB OF RANCH DRESSING

Clicks per minute, resource allocation and micromanagement --
These are the ultimate truths of real time strategy;
Letting you know how badly you are owned makes me a true gamer.
If you don't agree, please shut the fuck up and learn to play.
Hearing "wtf hax!" from a twelve year old;
This is the very point of Hippomnomnomnomism.
I can't respond to any concern about your pubbie tears.
-KING HIPPO JR

However innumerable the chewy Chips Ahoy! are,
I Vow to eat them all.
However inexhaustible n00bs are,
I Vow to pwn them all.
However immeasurable the babes on the internet are,
I Vow to fap to them all.
However endless this bullshit JRPG,
I Vow to complete every quest.
-The Four Great Vows of Datsun Hippomnomnomnomism



Incy and I broker a peace. He leaves Hinnom and I get a single one of his forts and freedom to do as I please in former T'ien Ch'i. Lilli may have wanted to burn out with suicidal focus on me but Incy is a skilled, cagey veteran and I expect him to take a few turns before regrouping and making his play. I plan on making the most of those few turns to destroy Dexanth for his foolish attacks on me and to finally exact my revenge on Feinne. One of the requirements of the peace I make with Incy is that Dexanth die. I am up front with him because I do not care if he does it or I do it, but it must happen. I will take care of Feinne myself (with just a touch of help from irony.or.death).

Blood hunting is at zero. I need to get it restarted immediately both for blood stones and because Incy has confirmed the presence of a blood site next to my construction site.



Protip: make sure your capital has at least one point of province defense so nobody scout caps it.


CHAMPAGNE OF DROPKICKS boots Dexanth out of the Shadow Seer province next to his cap.


I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store.


Name's Ash.


Housewares.


Soon shishi.


Very soon. Unfortunately for Dexanth, this shishi is stuck between me and billionaire tycoon Mictlan with slightly less sympathy for servile vassals than previous management.


Old Man Mountains. One of the heartland provinces of King Hippomnomnomnom's empire since the beginning of time. Long home to a Citadel of Loremasters and Sages, feeble old men who studied knowledge for its own sake. But war came to Old Man Mountains and with it, those feeble old men who had delved so deeply and for so long made a terrible decision. They attempted to harness the power of ancient artifacts entrusted to them for study. Dark legends among the Rephaim speak of a realm of demons where their fathers lie chained. And so, as the Zmeywaffe swept over the land and the priests of Mictlan flooded Old Man Mountains with jaguar demons bound by virgin sacrifice, a tiny cabal of the oldest and wisest of the Loremasters plotted in secret. Outside, the air was heavy with the stench of Ozelotl and blood and the constant screaming of blood slaves. Inside, the Loremasters carefully prepared. They would do anything for their King, and with terrible voices they began to chant. But men were never meant to harness the power of Gods, and for all their wisdom they did not understand the forces they commanded. As their chanting reached an unearthly crescendo, the sky darkened and with a horrible crack the ground beneath their feet was torn asunder. From the fissure, a tremendous cloud of sulfur boiled forth and a great mountain rose. On the mountain's peak, the power of the artifacts was broken and the bodies of the old men lay crumpled. Their blood mingled with the melted slag that had been the most powerful artifacts of the prior age to scribe a strange circle that hummed with power. Beneath it all, the Grigori stirred uneasily in their prison.



In Histyra, forging continues. FAT PONY WHISPERER forges the Robe of Calius the Druid. It's a great item because it provides magic resistance and 50% resistance to all three elemental resists in one slot. WALKING GEICO AD brought back both of my dead heroes in the hall of fame, PIMP ROBES and KING HIPPO JR, so now he will forge skull mentors for the foreseeable future. PIMP ROBES arms himself with the sickle whose crop is pain and goes to reap a terrible harvest from the Mictlan province defense forces left behind by Incy. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42, equipped with an eye shield, frost brand, starshine skullcap, boots of the messenger, ring of regeneration and amulet of luck, will teleport onto the shishi rampaging in Isurian on T'ien Ch'i's old border. Teleporting is (one of) the only reliable way to catch raiders. I could mind hunt the shishi, but some things demand a personal touch, don't you think?





CHAMPAGNE OF DROPKICKS has had the good fortune to land in a province with tremendous gem income, a lab and a population sufficient to support blood hunting. Any slaves he finds this turn will be immediately available next turn to forge blood stones.


LITERALLY A ROBOT IN REAL LIFE heads north to cut off Schneeble at the lake and provide a clear line between Hinnom and Mitlan. BEEP BOOP I AM A STABBING ROBOT moves to liberate another one of Mictlan's ill-gotten gains.


A teleported onto the fort at Boddern Weald. This is the fort Incy agreed to give me in our peace treaty. You can see it will make a nice line all the way up to the lake and once I take it, King Hippomnomnomnom's glorious empire will circumnavigate the globe!


A brought a gate cleaver to make things go a little faster.


The gate cleaver provides the siege strength of 50 men and will greatly accelerate the transfer of this fort.


Another , another chance at the air/water combination I need to forge amulets of the fish and let these terrible beasties roam the earth above the waves. This is nice because it lets me forge elixir of life which is basically a 1-UP and the rune smasher which is a hand slot item that makes spells that check against magic resistance more likely to succeed (it is a scepter that provides a bonus to penetration ). But it's no amulet of the fish forger.


Gemgen Counter

Blood stones: 78
Cost: 358E, 588 slaves
Gems Generated: 746