Part 11: The worst liar.

Update 09: The worst liar.



Zis is most exciting. I vonder vat sort of sings ve could make…

All sorts of great ammo, I’m sure.



I voz under ze impression Slimenia voz a safe place!





Hmmmmmm…



Vel, at least you von’t get lost zere. It is a very small forest.



Yes, that does seem prudent. Fortunately, I already loaded up the Schleiman at the end of the last update.



So hello, and welcome back! We’ve been thrown right into a new area, and with it…



Bam, cutscene!



I got him here, now you goons finish the job. You know what to do, Woodlums!





But the boss really does have ya sister.

That seems like a very unwise decision on his part. Also, why would you actually bring the hostage if you’re doing this sort of thing? I mean, really.

We gotsss you now! No one getsss away from the Woodlumsss.

Whoa-oa! This is the Woodlums’ world. ♪ And you ain’t gonna leave it, baby! ♫

The way we usually fight battles is so boring. Let’s spice things up a bit!





The boss ain’t even gonna bother with ya unless ya can beat us three first.



We’ll let you decide which order you wanna take us on in. You can take your pick. Okay, so we’ll be waitin’ for ya through there. Be seein’ ya shortly.



Well, that was very polite of them. Let’s take a quick look around.



You know how Ducktor Cid said the Backwoods are very small? That zoomed-in view up there shows every room on the map. Yes, this place has four tank battles and not very much else. It’s basically a little boss rush of sorts.



There’s only a few non-tank related things to take of here, and most of them are in this side area tucked away in the corner.



There are only six slimes in the Backwoods; four trapped inside the tanks, and these two here.



Guilty as charged, your honour.



Watch out for those spooklear bombs of his. You can’t knock them out of the sky unless you use an item with holy powers.

As Drake has so kindly pointed out, we’re about to get our first encounter with spooklear bombs. They’re kind of gimmicky ammo, but we’ll see how much of a threat they pose soon enough.



The chest in between the two slimes has our next seed of life! The chest itself is also the only item available for collection in the Backwoods.



I suppose I should - huhh - get in shape a bit. Then I might - huhh - stand more of a chance.

The out-of-shape Earl is kind enough to give us a Steel Broadsword, which will shortly be used to upgrade the Schleiman to a hearty 410 HP. Oh, and it turns out that I actually have enough resources to make more Shurikens than the Schleiman could possibly hold. Still, I’ll save some chests for later recipes.



Did you know you need holy power to fight off spooklear bombs? No other items work against them. Make sure you remember that!

Since Drake is so focused on ruining that one mole’s gimmick, he gives us another dose of holy water.



Now, there’s just one more thing to take care of before getting into the tank battles. As you may have noticed, there are no enemies wandering around. However, this is not always the case. This patch of leaves just below Rocket will occasionally have a Goodybag spawn amongst them when you enter this screen. With nothing else around, this is the best place to collect thirty of these flighty fiends.

It’s soooooooo tedious, though. I’ve prepared a video of the thirtieth capture, just so you can have a little taste of what I had to do.



After eventually getting the necessary Goodybags, let’s take a brief trip back to town before we settle in for the tank battle gauntlet.





And they won’t get the better of us slimes either.

You can count on it, Drake! And now, the moment which Dr. Fetus has been waiting for with baited breath…





A rare but valuable discovery, these precious monsters drop treasure when attacked.

The Goodybag puts his high speed and teleporting powers to excellent use during tank battles, zooming over to the enemy side and snatching whatever nice bit of ammo it can from them before rushing back and loading it into our cannons. He completes his trips fairly swiftly, depriving the enemy of resources they need to attack and defend… The Goodybag is one of the game’s best crew members, no doubt about it. We’ll be having another vote for team members… After next update, I think.



For the time being though, the thread has spoken. We’ll see how this little squad handles things as we take on the Woodlums.



Might as well start from the bottom.



I tell ya what. I’ll release one o’ your slimy friends if you can beat me. You betta not be thinkin’ o’ cuttin’ me any slack cos I’m a lady, doc.



The ladies in the Plob seem pretty concerned with being taken seriously. Comes with the business, I suppose.





The Carrot Top’s had a tune-up since we last saw one, but its gimmick remains the same. Let’s show Bugsy what’s up.



Hooly and the Jailcat head on out, but the Hammerhood stays back to help me load the cannons for now.



As it turns out, the Hammerhood is even better than I thought he would be. The ones we saw back in the tomb were either slowly wandering around or stationary, so I expected ours to be sluggish like Baron Blubba; instead he appears to have at least average speed. I’d say that makes him pretty awesome.



The jailcat doesn’t last very long with its 3 HP and the enemy Bunicorns’ charge attacks. Hooly doesn’t fare much better, as I keep seeing him getting knocked out the Carrot Top’s front door.



Friggin’ ow. Bugsy’s ammo is mainly iron balls, iron arrows and steel broadswords, but I guess she had an ace up her sleeve as well.



I do end up sending the Jailcat to fire like crazy after a while, so Rocket can wade in and wreck some stuff.



Alright, just gotta keep the Platypunk away from this button, and the Death Carrot won’t fire.



...Oops!



oh boy oh crap oh darn



You’ve got me hopping mad now! Bunnies, CHARGE!

As it turns out though, the Hammerhood and Jailcat had things totally under control. That iron shield they tossed out counts as three hits against the death carrot, so it works wonders for stopping the dastardly drill dead. And yes, Bugsy is using the same tactics of charging our tank as our last encounter with Carrot Top.



I don’t know what hit him, but the Hammerhood is now…



Yeah, that. And here he comes to bumrush the enemy as payback.





I’m not sure if the upset Hammerhood just talks on a timer or whenever he beats someone up, because he says these lines twice each during the ninety seconds or so he’s flailing about inside the enemy tank. If it’s the latter, that’s pretty impressive.



Anyway, that’s the longest fight of the update done with.





We should do this again sometime, huh?



I think you’re in with a chance there, Rocket mate.



I sense… I sense a fellow slime. Release my soul from the darkness! Free me from this box!

Alright, so long as you stop being so melodramatic.



I am Goosashi of the Goonins. I can bounce back to town on my own now. Thank you again. And farewell.



...Huh. Guess His Royal Wobbliness’ ninjas are actually somewhat capable.



The truth is… I seem to be afraid of the dark. But I trust that as a fellow warrior, you will keep this shameful information to yourself.



Holy water plus apples equals , apparently. Alright, moving swiftly along!



You’re nuttin’ compared to usss, but they callsss you a hero? Who are you kiddin’, ya jumped-up putzsss? I’m gonna messs you up!



Unlike its owner, who’s just plain ugly.



Dracky Dan has both a new tank and some new faces to show us, the latter of which pops up in the next area (so I’ll talk about them then). Let’s lay his tank to rest.



As we were told before, those spooklear bombs just phase right through most of our own ammo, and we don’t have nearly enough holy water to block all their shots. However, they only deal thirteen damage each, and since he’s prone to firing tons of them from one cannon all at once… You can generally get in a whole bunch of good hits. Combine that with the fact his tank has much less health than the last one, and you can pretty much guess how this goes.



No! Holy powersss upset my ssspooklear bombsss!



This one really isn’t a hard fight, though it does have one small wrinkle.



The engine room’s a new design, and it has two paths. The south one’s a dead-end, so avoid it to save yourself some time.



Oh, joy. I’m sure I’ll never use this.



But you betta believe thisss: you ain’t gonna outplay the bosss, pal. He’sss gonna wipe that sssmile off your face, my friend. And it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Yeah, yeah. We’ll see soon enough.



There are no friends or foes. Only one karma. But once I get out of here, the Plob will be history! Haa-so! Sei-ya!

I do believe I’m detecting a pattern here.



I am Gooshido of the Goonins. I won’t forget the debt I now owe you. Farewell for now. Sayonara!



They’re very polite, these Goonin.



I will retrain so I can be of assistance to you. Perhaps I should call you ‘sensei’.



The miracle sword is a signature weapon of the Dragon Quest series, healing the user for a proportion of the damage done. In our case, it actually heals all of the damage it deals… but only does 35, despite taking four broadswords to make. Still, I’m going to be wanting a few of these.



Are you in the groove, my man? Ready for some funky action? Right on! Yeah… Get on up! Oh, yeah… ♪ Show me what ya got! Yeah, yeah… ♫



Cool it, daddy-o. Or something.



It’s time for Chrono Twigger to make its return! So let’s bounce.



But move over an’ gimme some heat, daddy-o. I got my own hot licks to play, jitterbug!



Like hell you do. Gimme that…!

Chrono Twigger’s periodic item drops have been upgraded to Strong Medicine, which heals thirty HP instead of twenty. Probably best to keep it away from these moles, lest this battle take longer than it needs to.



Which isn’t very long at all. There isn’t a whole lot to say about this one, but it’s still a decent fight.



And of course, we get some of their medicine to take with us.



The Plob ain’t dead! No, no… ♪ We’re still in the game! Yeah, yeah… ♫ Next jam we have’s gonna be one-on-one! Just you and me, baby! That’s a date, you dig? Don’t stand me up!

I think Bugsy saw Rocket first, Molone. Sorry!



Hey, I know you’re out there, man. C’mon, lemme out, it’s totally heinous in here.

…



I’m one of the Goonins. They call me Tokyo Tom. Goo to meet you, braw! I’m gonna split back to town now, man. Stay cool!



I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that dude’s favourite food is pizza.



Check out this recipe, man. I’m givin’ it up for my hero in blue!



Fire water is pretty easy to make, and we’re certainly not short of chimaera wings. This recipe will probably see a fair bit of use later on.



Now that all of the Woodlums have been dealt with, we can take on that punk who has Rocket’s sister.



Not sure what the point of this little transitionary room is, though.



Well… I, I ain’t scared o’ you, slimeball! I already beat that Grim Reaper guy, Slival.



You betta believe it! I had that fight in the bag from square one. ...Huh? Wait a minute. Who said that?



Pffft. What a chump.



Now I’ll take you on instead. It’s time I paid you back for Mt. Krakatroda!



So let’s get started. It’s time to have some fun!



So, despite what he might have said, Slival and his tank really haven’t changed much. More health, better ammo, but still only one lone slime manning the cannons.



At least it’s a good opportunity to listen to his awesome battle music again.





Slival battles are always neutered exactly the same way, though. Just go in there and smack him about until your crew members finish whittling down the Schwarzman’s HP. Perhaps I should fight him without invading one of these days…



The prize is definitely nice, though.



Just what’s under that blue skin of yours, Flute Warrior?





See you next time, Slival!



I’m really hungry, Rocket. Let’s go home.

And so Rocket is reunited with his sister at long last. Let’s head back to Boingburg.



Lay this on the ground and wait. When the enemy gets close... Snap! Followed by... Ouch!

Hello, travellers! Seriously though, the clap trap is exactly what you think it is. Put it down somewhere and wait for the enemy to blunder into it. Apparently it’s strong enough to kill most enemies, but I’d assume it’s single-use…



-------



I want to go on a picnic. Just the four of us together. With some of mum’s sandwiches… Where are Mum and Dad? I miss them.

Don’t worry, little Bo. I’m sure we’ll find them soon enough.



… is the right reaction to that, I think.



Whenever you require our assistance, the Goonins are here to help.

Hai. This is the first principle of Goonin martial arts: the principle of ‘On’.

So what’s going down, dudes? Are you in trouble town, or are you surfin’ free?

Well, we don’t know where our mum and dad are. You could help us with that!



Well… I think they’ll certainly try. That much, I can say for sure.

Now, we have our usual bit of chatter… Except that the Goonins are nowhere to be found, so we only have one slime to talk to.



Will you take me with you when I get a bit older? Pleeease! When I’m bigger, I’ll be able to look after you!

Ha, she’s a gutsy little thing, ain’t she?



I didn’t eat a thing the whole time I was cooped up in that box. But now I’m back home, I can eat as much as I like!

Just be careful you don’t end up like Early Burly.



Ah, the beloved Goddess herself. Her statues are only used for a few alchemy recipes, but they’re rather important ones, and require these items in large quantities.



You know, over the bridge, to the extreme west of town. There’s something secret there!



Playing here is strictly forbidden! _{The Management}



Hmm… How very curious.



Well, doesn’t look like there’s anything else to be done here.









We must disappear into the shadows now. This path, you must tread alone.



Don’t be a stranger, braw! We’ll be waiting for you to stop by. Goonins rule!

In that case, let’s head back and have a quick chat before we depart.



The enemies you face there are never-ending. Sometimes the wisest plan of attack is not to attack at all.

Callmigh Bluff... Yes, there are evil spirits there. It is a bridge between this world and the next. Be careful, and...sayonara.

Bodacious, Rocket! You’re gonna take Callmigh Bluff by storm. Don’t wipe out, little blue dude! You’ve gotta save your mom and dad.

Some sage advice and eager encouragement from the Goonins should serve us well, I think.



See you all next time, as we scale Callmigh Bluff!