Drakengard 3 Part #8 - Episode VII: In Which Five is Crabby

Part 8: Episode VII: In Which Five is Crabby

Episode VII: In Which Five is Crabby

Our final destination of Chapter 1 will be the Land of Seas' Shrine located in a scenic abandoned coliseum out in the middle of the ocean. Well, if you're going to have a boss fight arena I suppose an actual gladiatorial arena is a choice locale.

Verse 4: Five

Hopefully this round of attempted sororicide will go better than Zero's previous efforts. Though... come to think of it... We're probably alright here. Just as long as One doesn't show up commanding an OP plasma cannon firing demon dragon this time around. Zero did kind of already kick all her combined sister's asses in the Prologue.

Music: Nethernox

Well, if it isn't the pretty princess. So what's it like being surrounded by a bunch of brainwashed idiots?

Ohh... I see that long, sharp tongue of yours hasn't changed. Still so rude...

Rude? But I brought you a housewarming gift.

A gift? For me? Why, whatever could it possibly be?

It's revenge. For what you did to me.

Oooh, right. How could I forget?

But not anymore. Michael, the greatest of all dragons, is dead. And all that remains is that pathetic little shell of his former self. Still, I suppose I'll be nice and make him my pet once I've had my way with you.

Huh?!

Hehe. If you don't shut up, I'm gonna stab my eardrums with a fork.

Ohh, I have SO missed these titillating little chats of ours, my dear, dear sister.

And that about wraps up Five's pre-match promo. Now for the main event. What's everyone's opinion on seafood?

WaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

Oh yes, you may have noticed this young fellow hanging around with Five. Drakengard 3 has failed to mention it up until this point and it's kind vague for a while past here. But each of the younger Intoner sisters (Zero and One being too cool for school and having dragons instead) have a Disciple. A Disciple is an Intoner's bodyguard and... assistant... of sorts. We'll be hearing a lot more about the Disciples as the game progresses.

~~This here is Yosuke Hanamura, his father runs the Inaba branch of the Junes department store franchise.~~ Wait... No. That's not right. This here is Dito. We're going to let him do his thing for now. Just remember his name for the moment.

The first thing we learn about an Intoner's Disciple is they can harness and direct their master's song to open an extra-dimensional portal to the great beyond in order to summon an Angel. Which is our generic term for boss fight during the course of Drakengard 3. Having noted that, while "angel" might be a rather plain term. It's also the same terminology used earlier in the series to describe a rather malicious group of entities. I don't think it was localized the same way though. I mean they only had a mall niche cult following, after all.

The ceremony of glorious arrival... Burn into thine eyes the punishing lance of divine retribution!

Also open the flood gates. It's the Land of Seas. We're contractually obligated to have an aquatic themed boss in the lease.

And thus Dito and Five summon our first proper boss fight: Phanuel. Once more continuing the angelic naming scheme for our non-human and demi-god songstress creatures.

Wikipedia posted:

Phanuel is the name given to a possible fourth Archangel in the Book of Enoch after Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel. He is also considered to be the ruler of the Ophanim. His name means "the face of God". His was one of the four voices Enoch heard praising God. As an angel, Phanuel is reputedly a member of the four Angels of Presence. In 1st Enoch, he is also listed as an angel of exorcism (he is heard "expelling Satans"). Phanuel has also been linked with the Angel of Penance & Hope mentioned in the Shepherd of Hermas.

That doesn't really evoke much of a visual representation of good old Phanuel. But it's a Japanese game pulling biblical reference names out of a hat. So would...

New Music: Exvulsion - Phanuel

...A giant neon golden rave crab do the trick for an otherworldly angelic entity? No? Tough shit that's what you're getting and you're going to like it!

Well... that's one objective that isn't up to a lot of interpretation. Let's get crackin'!

The coliseum only filled with maybe fifteen feet of water. Tops. Phanuel is at least thirty feet tall. Fuzzy math and broken physics aside, the aquatic boss will of course utilize its ability to submerge and essentially teleport around the center of the arena. What you think water clear enough to see anything more than an occasional stream of bubbles coming from a creature the size of a house is a reasonable thing? You're demanding crazy talk.

Nope. You're on top of the list.

Oh? You really came to me first!? How flattering!

I figured I'd start with the stupidest and work my way down.

Work your way down?! Zero, don't tease me...

I'm not teasing you, Five. I'm murdering you.

My, Zero... How strong you are!

Heh. Well, I've been itching to beat you to death for a while now.

I missed you so, Zero... I was so thrilled you came to see me! Truth be told, I almost came as well...

...That's nice.

Normally when surfaced Phanuel is invulnerable to Mikhail's shots. They simply bounce off his tacky golden shell. Now if you've ever played a video game within the last three decades featuring an enemy with a hardened backside...

...You can probably figure out the solution to dealing with an obnoxious shelled enemy is to knock that sonuvabitch on its back and lay waste to the soft underbelly. Ramming into Shrine of Seas guardian once will knock it on its back down in the watery arena. But here it can quickly recover or just retreat beneath the waves. A follow-up ramming will knock the golden crab out from the water and into the stands were its stunned period lasts far longer.

If anyone makes a giant enemy crab/massive damage joke I'll close this thread for a week.

On the offensive end of this angelic crustacean is a series of high pressure water jets. This bit of business comes in the variety pack of both horizontal AND vertical slices. But, wait! There's more.

While scumming around beneath the waters of the shrine, Phanuel can shoot out columns of highly pressurized water as well. How does it do so? Look, you don't want to know how Golden Space Crab flatulence works. It's fucked up.

It *really* adds to your sex appeal... You're even sexier than you were a year ago!

You can shut up anytime, Five.

My best feature is my breasts, heh of course. So round and perky... You can touch them if you want, you know.

I think I'll pass.

Maybe next time, the three of us could have some fun together...

There is no "next time" for you!

Because you're heavy!

...What?

I said, "Because you're heavy!"

I'm having trouble hearing you, dragon. You want to try saying that one more time...?

Ow! Ow ow OW! Not the sword, Zero!

Did you just close your eyes?!

That beam thingie's really scary, okay!?

Idiot! Are you trying to get us killed!? You ever do that again, I'll close your eyes permanently!

Gaaaaaah!

One final note for this boss, before it gets converted into the world's largest crab cake, is that Zero can pop-off Intoner Mode while riding Mikhail. Doing so will power our dopey dragon buddy. He doesn't gain any new attacks, all of his normal business just gets a flat damage boost. Also the vocals during boss encounters start sounding like a robot is having a seizure. So that's fun too.

Edit: I forgot Dragon riding Intoner Mode also causes a sort of area of effect ramming shield that will damage any enemies in the nearby vicinity. It's a bad scene for dubstep crabs stuck on their backside.

That's a wrap on old Phanuel. Sorry no dramatic death sequence for our fallen golden rave crab foe. Just the screen fading to white and an acknowledgment it is defeated. A bit anti-climactic sure. But we weren't here to go trawling for crabs, now were we...?