Part 59: Episode XLI: In Which I Actually Miss the Faeries

Episode XLI: In Which I Actually Miss the Faeries



Welcome back. Zero's mishap the end of the previous mission has shaken out another piece of updated inventory in Accord's Shop. So let's get that out of the way first.


Turned out the white horse was a Watcher and the old man done fucked up the first rule of Cult Club. Tsk-tsk.

Verse 3: Faerie-free
Music: Pulchregeist - Battleground



I dunno... I'm starting to get the feeling Dito might have been onto something with that poison fog. I'm gonna say right now: if it turns purple and Amazing Grace starts eerily being sung in the distance, we are getting the hell out of dodge!



Well, this is odd.
What?
There are supposed to be faeries in this area.
I don't see anything.
Ah HA! See? The poison gas has killed every last--
Please shut up.

So we are now back in the faerie's forest. They're all dead from the apparent chemical weapon attack occurring in the area. Trouble is, as it turns out, those stupid faeries were the only interesting thing going on in this stage. Without them this is the filler middle child of the chapter. So let's just blaze through it as quickly as possible.



First up we have to face some trolls. Wallowing in a toxic environment is just second nature to 'em. Trolls are one of the few enemies in the game that do not get an upgraded form. Innovation in their method is too far afield from their comfort zones I'm afraid. Scrapping the bottom of their barrels for the easiest scraps of attention is their lot in life, eternal.



Ugh. Trolls. Ugly, smelly, and dumb... They deserve to die.
That's rather judgmental of you.
You're damn right it's judgmental! Hell, we're doing these jackasses a FAVOR by killing 'em! I mean, it's not like they're gonna do anything worthwhile with their lives. Trust me. They'll be much happier once they're dead.



Well, who am I to argue with that logic? I mean if the highlight of my day was sitting around all day in my own filth being a giant sack of shit to everyone around me, I'd probably deserve to be punched in the dick so hard my arms popped off. Wait, what were we talking about...?



She said Lady One is in this forest, yes? And that she holds a secret of some sort? The mysteries multiply amongst themselves...
I, too, have been considering this question at some length. But alas, whenever I think of Lady Three, my mind is distracted by non-stop images of our epic late-night fleshmongering...
You aren't even trying, are you?

Dammit! W-What the hell is happening?!
Is this fog the will of Lady Three...?
What are we gonna do?! More and more of us are falling ill.
Yeah, well that illness won't mean shit if they get past us here!
<wheeze> D-Dammit! I can't b-breathe...
Where'd Lady Three go?!
Back into the forest.
If only Lady Three were here with us...





Following a platoon of evidently less than healthy soldiers, we come upon an Arch Titan for a proper battle against one of these bruisers. Except... Arch Titans just have their stats upped and possess a single new dashing slash move. Otherwise it's just a reworked to a tree version of a titan that is somehow far sturdier than its metal compatriot.

At least its redesign looks kind of neat. I mean it did back in the cutscene where they were handing Zero her ass. Hell if I can tell how it looks with this ever increasing green filter. You could place a majestic scene that took a team of a hundred a total of thousands of man hours to render in front of me. And then slap this filter over the entire thing and it would look like settling trash left out in the sun to bake regardless. Even if this wasn't a filler mission I'd want to rush through it because it is offensive to my eyes.



Hehe. What did you do to deserve such punishment, eh? 'Cause I know I didn't do anything, so... it must have been you.
Quit whining and do your damn job!



Cent proceeds to resume poking the arch titan in its tree automaton equivalent of ankles and then grunt satisfyingly to himself. All before being knocked across the arena repeatedly like a golf ball then beginning the dance anew. All in a day's work for a disciple. Say what you will about Mikhail, at least he is on the ball with being summoned and shooting fireballs at things that need to be set on fire. It's workmen like in execution, but it gets the job done.



Anyway, our campaign of deforestation and wildlife ruination continues. Just one last thing in the way before the end. Yep it's the end already. Like I said, this is a nothing mission. Sorry I skipped like five minutes of grinding soldiers and skeleton soldiers between each point of mildest interest. I'm sure you all won't mind the omission.



Last up we have just a regular old boring centaur. I still never figured out what the deal is with the nude woman bust. But I suppose in light of Three's activities in the forest regarding flesh implied sculpturing and soul reassignment... You know what, I'm alright with not knowing the answer to creatures' physical anomalies.



What is this, a goddamn monster amusement park!?
The beasts of this forest have changed, to be sure... We'd best track down Lady One with all haste.
Agreed. But first we kill my pretty pony here. Then we can go find One.





It might have involved murdering it, but that was a My Pretty Pony allusion. Nope. I'm out. Mission over! I'm going home.



Have a weapon story. We found it somewhere in the middle of that vomit green bog between the trolls and the who cares. <gets into car and drives off>








Video: Branch B Verse 3 Highlight Reel