Part 93: Episode LXX: In Which We Find Some Old Author's Notes About an Ill-Conceived Aborted Subplot

Episode LXX: In Which We Find Some Old Author's Notes About an Ill-Conceived Aborted Subplot



The Lost Verses might be some strange detached side stories grafted onto the already existing and completed previous storylines we've already experienced. But that doesn't mean they cannot hold the last couple of arms listings in Accord's weapon shop. The second to last weapon for sale in our narrator's goods collection is unlocked after completing the first Lost Verse and sells for a hefty 73,500 gold.



Look, I'm not going to tell you your job or anything guy. I know Weapon History stories really add to the value of weapons on the free market. But maybe you should have put down your pen around the time a man was attempting to stab you with the very blade you're writing about, eh?



Music: Strumble



All right, next up... we've got this recording from Branch B.



No, not that one—that's Branch C!



And THAT'S Branch A! Come on!



There we go. That's Branch B! Finally...



Okay then! Let's have a look at recording M2410_E0005_FL...



Lost Verse 2: Accord's Song
Music: Wilderblades – Battleground



...but after obtaining a vital piece of info from Cent, we decided to head back into the mountains...



So remember that really pointless mission back in Branch B where all the faeries were killed by the poison fog and there was a My Little Pony reference? Well, that same day Zero and the gang decided to fuck off for the afternoon back to the Land of Mountains for a bit on Cent's recommendation. So at least they weren't wandering around a poison filled forest for 22 days. Just 21 and a half.

So what piece of vital information did Cent possess important enough to derail the entire pursuit of Three and One a good two week and change into the whole affair?



Cent had a line on some really tasty fruit growing out in the mountains, of course. What? You couldn't eat any of the crap in the Land of Forests. It was covered in poisoned vapors! It ruined the taste. To make no mention of what weird shit the faeries, Three, or god forbid Octa might have done with anything growing there beforehand. No, this Cent line on some dank ass eats out in the snowfields sounds legit.



You better not be wrong about this, Cent.
Me? Wrong? Ha! How absurd. The most spectacularly delicious fruit in the world is juuuuuust ahead!
No fruit is worth trompin' through all this ice and shit. If I'd know it would be this cold, I'd have stayed in the forest and tracked down Z's sisters.
<shiver> Well, you can't fight on an empty stomach or... whatever.
Yaaay! Whatever! Whatever is my favorite!
But this better be the best damn fruit I ever tasted.
Don't you worry. It is delicious beyond compare! The fruit is called a mendesian. Heh. Delightful, no? Eaten alone, it has a clean, crisp taste redolent of spring. But you can also make it into a rich jam to spread on bread or meat! And nutritious? Oho myyy heavens, yes! Far more so than your typical fruit, I might add.
Tell me, is it any good for the old trouser snake?
Good? It's nothing short of spectacular!
Oh ho ho! Well, there's a piece of fine news. I can already feel my mem—er, emotions stirring at the thought!



Zero's here... She's invading!
Back me up, I'm going in.
I've got your back!
Oh no, the medics!
Can we really kill an Intoner?
Ohhhh... Such a dreadful sight!



Surviving soldiers from Zero's first exploits through the mountain immediately begin shitting themselves at her unexpected return. At least we can thank them for repairing the bridge and the severely damaged 4th wall in the weeks since our last visit to the region, before slicing them to ribbons just like their predecessors. It's the least we can do to thank for their services rendered.



Our reverse course, from the stone tablet pointing to Mt. Whatever toward wherever the precious fruit Cent is leading us toward, holds a few obstacles down its path. First up, another gray cerberus. I'm fairly certain there's no sign of those beasts by the time Drakengard 1 or 2 roll around. Gotta continue to make sure they're completely wiped out to maintain continuity. That's how prequels work, right?



Hey, you think he tastes any good?
Who can say? I doubt many ever had the chance to sample one.
I ate one once. Not bad. Lots of gristle.
The gristle was the best part!
Nnngh... Lady Zero, your diet is a bewildering thing.



Alright, everyone. Let's stay on point. You can trip over a cerberus these days if we ever want to chow down on one. Okay... well maybe there are only like maybe five left in the entire game, tops. But still. Cent has promised us this wonderful fruit named after a tributary to the Nile river in Egypt in these frozen mountaintop snowfields in Drakengard Scandinavia and dammit, we're gonna find it!



Oh, we're close! Heh. Ever so close.
I'm going to turn it into jam and eat it by the spoonful!
I'm gonna rub it all over my... uh... self!
I can't believe we're actually trusting this idiot...



Show 'em what we mortals are made of!
There she is! Chaaarge!
Raaaaaah! The only way to overcome your fear is to charge forward! Do it!

This fruit must be highly valued if all these unemployed soldiers are willing to throw away their lives to protect its secrets. That or word never made it all the way up here that Four got gutted and tossed overboard from her own airship half a month back. I'm kind of doubting communication lines were high on the Intoner priority list when they weren't out gallivanting about or committing crimes against humanity or running on platforms of ethnic purity in the name of justice.



That treasure chest there!

Oh, well there you have it. That's simple enough. Let's just crack that sucker open and...



...Oh dear.



Ah... Ah ha ha! Yeaaah, I'm thinking I may have been a little off on this... Oh, I just remembered! It's actually in the chest up ahead!



I wonder if Drakengard 3 has the huge arrow pointing directly from the player character in the direction of the next objective in response to idiots who couldn't find the right fishing spot in Nier. Since the giant red omnipresent X on the mini-map was far too vague and mystifying.





Anyway, the next chest Cent double plus swears contains the fabled fruit is only a bit of a ways down the path. I do hope this Egyptian fruit holds up well to freezing.



...Reminder this Branch B is the timeline where Cent takes a huge heel turn and gets most of the party murdered by the end...



Um... Maybe the next mountain over? Orrrr maybe the next nation over?
...Cent?
Yeees?
You're just making this shit up, aren't you?
Me? No, no! Never! No! _...No. It's definitely, probably, somewhere on this continent.
That's it! I'm gonna pull your heart out your asshole!
Oh, hey! Now I remember! It's right over there!



Get over here, demon, so I can kill you!
Watch what you wish for, fool! Remember, she's an Intoner!
...A dark Intoner bent on destroying the world.
I'll kill you... I swear I'll kill you!
S-She's too damn strong!
We knew that when we took this job.
That's right. We knew we were fighting an Intoner.

Great, alright. Well there are only three chests allowed in a stage. So this had damn well better be the fruit in this last box that's past these idiots, Cent.





Jesus Christ, Cent. There are three possessed sand ogres in the way up here! That's one of the hardest match ups you can have in the entire game, Cent. There had goddamn well better be a payoff to all this, Cent or we're turning you back into a bird and having you as a makeshift meal. I'm not sure if that counts as cannibalism. I don't care!



Well, this is the end of the map if I'm remembering my recycled geography correctly. So you'd best be right on this one.



.....
.....
.....
.....
.....



Next time we see a cerberus, we're gonna feed it Cent.



...we were forced to take shelter on a snowy mountainside.

Music: Aethernox



Welp. Thanks for nothing, Cent. You've got a stranglehold on that biggest fuck-up of Drakengard 3 championship belt.

As the situation stands, everyone but Zero has checked out for the evening. But the party is evidently full of people that mumble in their sleep. So we can do a quick pass around the campfire to see what they're dreaming about.

Oh ho ho... Behold my... massive trunk... Zzzzzz... Oh... You haven't... seen anything yet... Zzzzz...

<groan> Can't... take this anymore... Zzz... Mmmm... Stew... So nice and warm... Zzz...

Zzz... Mmmngh... H-Huh? Oh, my! Zzz... Unnngh... Jam... all over... mmm... face...

Zzz... Mrrmm... Yum... my... <smacks lips> Zzz... Mrrmm... Zero... Zero...

That all sounds about right. Speaking with Cent as he sleeps standing up like a Metal Gear Solid guard will bring this campfire scene to a close. So...



How... strange... Zzz...
I'd better get some rest, too...

Sure, you could do that, Zero. But first there's just a small matter to take care of...

Music: Ends



Hey, Accord. Didn't see you there. What with the teleportation and all.



I know I've said it before, but if you don't change course soon, things are not going to end well.



That what your little book says?



Indeed.



<snatch attempt>
Nuh-uh!



<grab fail>
Nope!





<whiff>
Sorry!



Accord giggles at Zero's piss poor performance at the simple task of dunking a nerd's books. This, of course, doesn't sit well with our heroine.



Not that going against some jerk standing in her way has ever stopped Zero from getting what she wants. Even if the person in question has teleportation and full access to the game's script.



If nothing, Zero gets an A for Effort.



Seeing this is clearly not going to let up anytime soon, Accord switches to another method of clowning on Zero's headstrong curiosity.





Alright, Zero. Go play catch. You can jump like ten feet in-game. And several stories if the plot demands it in the Cutscene Zone. Go for broke!



Zero begins her leap for Accord's Drakengard 3 script signed by Taro Yoko aaaaand...



Welp...



Accord, if you could please stop abusing your Zero Shift abilities to fondle the main character's tits, that'd be great. This is a family production LP we're trying to put on.





At the very least stop clowning on Zero. It's bad enough she gets turned into a child or something at the end of this timeline or whatever the hell that ending was about.



...So you're not gonna show it to me?
I've been instructed not to interfere with the world.
Liar!
No, it's true! But... well, nobody said I couldn't give little bits of advice, at least?
What the hell are you, anyway?
We're Recorders.
Recorders?
Right. It's our job to record world events, from the ancient past to the distant future... You know the “Old World” you people are always going on about? Well, I was sent by folks from there.
Listen, I don't know jack about the Old World.



But if you're following me just to make recordings or whatever, you can knock it the fuck off.
Well, sure, that's all I'm supposed to be doing...

Slams book shut...



But after all these bad endings you keep encountering, I'm really tempted to help.

Accord grabs her oversized suitcase and walks off...



Now, let's try and wrap things up in a way that benefits all of us, hmm?
Like I need you to tell me. I can wrap things up myself!



Nah, I've seen the end of this timeline too, Zero. And you done goofed. But, we'll worry about that another time. Our bizarre second encounter between Zero and Accord ends the second of the three Lost Verses. Tune in next time where we fill in a few more blanks in this story... that may raise more questions than answers. As well as when I complete the Cavia mandated, even after its death, 100% weapon collection for a fourth time for the Internet.

I'm glad Nier 2 has little more than a minute long credits, concept art, and 15 second of CGI trailer and they've already put out in front “Yep, weapon collection shit will be back get ready to do that again, motherfucker!” Cuz of course! Of course... Drakengard!








Video: Lost Verse 2 Highlight Reel

Skip to End of Mission Cutscene (You should at least watch this.)



Accord Concept Art