The Let's Play Archive

Dungeon Explorer

by Crucified

Part 10

I walk down the hallway jauntily, my ego bursting at the seams so that not even my hyper-elastic special order bikini top would be able to contain it. Hell, it barely contains my massive rack as it is. That's the way I like it.

Halfway to the door marked "EXIT", however, the floor drops out beneath me. I hang on to the crumbling floor as hard as I can, but moments later, the soft material bursts into flame sending me catapulting into the depths below.

And he said there was no fire. <>

I land on hard clay in the middle of a ruined temple, and stand up just in time to get hit with a motherfucking axe.

This dungeon is short and sweet -- basically, the best offense is a good defense. In short, run like hell.

(If you're wondering where I am in this screenshot, I accidentally took the shot in the "off" state of a flashing magic item. Oops.)


Finally a boss that not only looks impressive but is also marginally difficult. Those fireballs hurt, and there are a ton of them. Not only that, but he moves around quite a bit in and out of that corner, so you can't very well get behind him.

Nonetheless, I kick his scaly ass. As the life fades from his glassy eyes, I whisper softly and slyly, "Happy New Year, love dumpling. "

On my way out, I step on his neck.

The stairs lead into a dungeon that looks suspiciously like the dungeon I was locked in by that vicious Rose creature. It reminds me of the muscle-bound hero and I sigh, shuddering. My step quickens in hopes that I might find him in the nearest village. The chances aren't great, but I'm sure a brave adventurer like him would be famous all over the world, let alone the kingdom.

And finally, the sweet smell of grass and the wind rushing through the trees. The stone huts remind me of paradise, and the birds singing on the rooftops afford me a moment's respite from the terrors I had witnessed. My first stop is the castle to find out exactly where I am, and to ask the questions I deserve answered.

: Ooooh, damn. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
: Hey fellas, have you seen a large, oiled He-man around here?
: Yeah, just about three hours ago.
: Oh yeah? Where did he--
: Oh SHIT. Let me try that again. Ask me if I've seen any large, oiled He-men again.
: ... Have you seen any--
: ...

: Why, Princess Iko! What brings you to our kingdom?
: A fucking giant rose. And don't think I don't appreciate it. <>
: Yeah, that guy's great for tourism.
: So where's that hunky fighter?
: In the bar or something I don't know who cares it's dinner time get out

The two talked for hours. Meanwhile...

: fuck this i'm tired of waiting. no woman is worth this. i'm loaded and i want to kill some motherfucking demons. eat shit, princess cocktease t

And just moments afterwards...

: Hey, where did all the manmeat go?

Next Time: More of the badass fighter and his badass ass-kickery.