Part 4: Update Four: I'm Thinking In Here!

Absolutely! That's fucking awesome information!



I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to sound like a dick, I swear. I didn't mean it that way; I've actually just started Polsy'ing links from Youtube for the soundtrack, because I liked your idea. I didn't mean to sound so harsh and douchey!

Last time on Earthbound, we gained a powerful new companion, beat up a soldier from the future, and then our new companion got squashed by a fat lady. Today, we're going to the library and the drug store!



We should go tell Pokey and Picky that Buzz Buzz is dead. He saved their asses, too.



God, this house is ugly all the way around. Speaking of which, let's talk to Pokey first.





Alright, these two don't care. Pokey, I can understand, since he's an asshole. I'm just disappointed in Picky.

From what I understand, in the original Japanese, it's made much more explicit that these two actually did get their asses beat by their father. Pokey even says something to the effect of, "I won't be able to sit down for a week!"





These two just further prove they're wastes of space and terrible human beings.



Excellent, it's still night time. Let's go catch a few hours of sleep.



Oh, Goddammit. How did that take us all damned night?



For now, let's just go home and get back to bed. Maybe Mom will understand and let us catch a few hours of sleep.



For once, it's kind of alright that Pokey lives next door. Wait a second, what is that noise?





Yeah, there is a random photographer guy who descends from the sky. No, there's no explanation.



: Okay, get ready for an instant memory! Look at the camera...Ready...Say "Fuzzy Pickles!"





I love that effect, by the way. They could have just made the screen flash or whatever, but they actually put some effort into it and made it seem like a camera was actually taking a photo. I love this game.



: It will always bring back the fondest of memories...



That's not the last we'll be seeing of him. At least we got a nice photo out of it.





Let's call Dad and save our game real quick.



: Taking away what you've spent, you should now have $72 in the bank.

Dad gives us money based on the enemies (as Alien Arcana has started informing us of their exact amounts) we've defeated. I once heard a rumor that he works for a burger factory and...Well...You can guess the rest.



Dad also knows how much exp. we need to level up. He's a very smart man, you see.



Just need our game saved, Dad.



: for the night. I have created a record of your adventure to this point. Good night, sleep tight.



Mom and Bowser are wandering around the living room. Let's see what that cowardly dog has to say for himself.



: (I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a stubborn mutt.)



: Mom, there was this bee, he could talk, we killed an alien, and then Pokey's dad beat him--



And so we do!



Later that day, let's say about 2:00 PM, Nass finishes his nap and digests his delicious Cats.



Those two dogs are tempting for the exp. I could get for them, but there will soon be better sources of exp., so I'll hold off on turning them tame for now.



Over to the east, the path that was formerly blocked is now clear, so let's go to town!





These threats are awful close to town. That slightly worries me.



The first building of town we come to is the library. There's one useful item in here.



And this helpful girl just south of the building!



: You can borrow maps for nothing!

Whatever, girl. I've got this thing called the Internet. And the internet doesn't belong on dead trees.



I love the goofy font on buildings. It's just so warm and inviting!



: Onett isn't the only thing on the map. All the info is there, except for the info that isn't there. Pressing the X button allows you to view the map at any time. How convenient! You know, the X button...located near the top. Ha ha ha.



The Map isn't too bad. Though, it does take up an inventory slot.



Though, this map is very universal. It'll show the locations of all these places in most towns we visit, so at least we don't have to go find new ones for every town we hit.



The library functions as an early-game learning area for new players. There's a lot of info here and a lot of NPC's, so let's get crackin'.







Originally, I was going to transcribe this all, but I had the feeling some of you might have believed that was original dialog of mine that I tried to act like was in-game dialog.





I'm about 95% certain that this man is a reference to Jason Voorhees, of Friday the 13th fame, mostly due to the hockey mask and his silent demeanor. With this game, there's honestly a pretty good chance that's exactly what they were going for.



Since this door is closest, let's look around in here first.



A few people to talk to in here, so let's start with the closest.



: or am I just dreaming?

Oh, buddy, if this is a dream of yours, I'd love to see the meds you're taking. My dreams involved Jet Li breaking me out of the hospital, which is positively mundane compared to some of shit we're going to see here.



: It said that our modern society demands that there always be an ATM in hotels and drugstores! Just knowing that is convenient! I'm glad I read the book... I can't believe I didn't know this stuff. I'll check whether or not we have an ATM in our drugstore...





This bitch is just rude.



Huh, popular literature around here, huh?

: No, this library just sucks. It said these days, there are always telephones in hotels and drugstores. I also learned that to use a green pay phone costs a dollar, while the black phones are always free. If you weren't aware of this all your money could get eaten up by phone calls. I'm glad I read that book...



This next room isn't super-interesting, but since I'm doing the informative style, I'm going to cover this entire library, dammit. Things will get interesting soon again, I promise.



This is one of two people to talk to in here. She's got some half-interesting kinda bullshitty information.



: HP and PP. "Life Recovery Rule" ...recovering your life will give you full HP, but zero PP. ...Hmm...I bet this stuff will be on the test...

The Life Recovery Rule confuses me. It's not often that recovering yourself to full HP using PSI will leave you with zero PP. Not unless she was just warning you of the dangers using PSI to always heal up.

Masked Huzzah, amongst others, swings in to let me know what this rule is really about. Thanks for that, guys! I guess I just don't get a game over often enough to know that.




: It's very possible. You know how dodgy some of these translations can be. Are you sure you're qualified to being LP'ing this game?

Hey, quiet you!



Sorry! I'm leaving now!



Upstairs, we have a few more things to cover, then we're done here.





: and there it was, just fluttering there... I'd only seen it in the encyclopedia before. What was it? A Magic butterfly! If you get close to a Magic butterfly, all your cares fly away, just like a fluttering butterfly. Yep, yep! That's the effect of the legendary Magic butterfly. I love talking about it!



Wordy fucker, isn't he?

: You said it, buddy.

By the way, all that shit he just said? Basically, there's butterflies around that, when we touch them, will restore some of our PP.

: Well, I guess knowing that my ability to destroy things around me with my mind would relax me.

...Nass, that's a little frightening.



: I heard it possesses a special power!



Hello, what are these over here? Bathrooms? In a video game?

: It's more likely than you think!



Well, in the words of Dr. Ian Malcolm, "You gotta go when you gotta go."



: to use the bathroom!



Well, I'm just going to leave and pretend this never happened.



Going westerly, we'll just about cover everything this part of Onett has to offer.



: No, you Pigpen looking jerk. I've got a world to save!





But, guard duty for the hideout? Where would this hideout be hidden?



If we go north from the dirty kid there (seriously, he reminds me of Pigpen!), we find the top of this treehouse. Keep going that way and...



...Viola! There's one reason to come up here and it's very worthwhile.



Why were you dreaming about Nass?



You're like, twelve! Go handle it like normal twelve year olds do!



I do not like where this is going already.



:



: I know you've wanted it for a long time. It's the best cap for someone really brave like you.







This fits in the "Other" slot and triples our defense; it's free, too!



Be careful Nass, that mole has a shovel!



Oh, my bad.

: S'alright. (Would you like some hints on enemies? Listen carefully. My hint involves which way you are facing when a battle with an enemy occurs. It you allow enemies to approach you from your back or side, they may get a surprise opening attack. When they approach you this way, your TV screen, no... no...I mean the world in front of you will show a red swirl for a second. On the other hand if you approach an enemy from the back or side, you may get a surprise opening attack. In that case, your TV... Oops again! ...The world in front of you shows a green swirl. The point is, try to fight so that you always have the advantage.

Jesus Christ, that was a lot of to tell us how to get surprise attacks and how we, too, can be surprised.



Let's see if we can practice what we just learned.



Booya!



And so, we get a free round of combat. It's just as sweet as it sounds.



That fight also netted us another level!



When you see the "Oh, baby!" message before a stat goes up, that means it is going to get a significant boost. We had eight offense before, so this level, we nearly doubled how hard we can hit.



Speed determines turn order, while Guts helps your "SMAAAAAAAASH" success rating.



One PP was gained as well, which is kind of meh, but every point counts.





This can actually be fairly useful, if we find an enemy that's weak to it and that'll actually be beneficial to put to sleep. Most of the time, it's better to just keep piling on damage.



These look like the kind of guys who just wait for someone Nass' age to wander up to them, alone in the woods.

: Hey! I don't like what you're implying!



I don't even want to know what you'd use it for.



I don't know why, but Frank always sounds like a snuff/porn star name to me.



: and hotels are too expensive...



: I haven't seen it myself...



Oh. Well, that's kind of an odd building to have in town, but I guess those two aren't quite the rapists I thought they were.



We're coming into Onett proper now.



Sharks? What is wrong with this town!?

: Local gang, moron. I thought you knew what you were doing in this game.

Shut up, Nass, you're breaking the fourth wall.



At least I'm not a trash picker, Nass.



: Maybe not, but who has the Hamburger?



The Drugstore in towns functions as the weapon/item shop. It's our last stop today.



: Withdrawal Deposit

We'll need a bit of cash, so let's withdraw some.



: Please enter the amount of your withdrawal.



Taking the full $92, we still don't have enough to buy all of what I'd like to, but we can buy enough.



: Please take your cash.





See how our box flashes when we select the Tee-Ball Bat? That means it's better than our current equipment; if it stays static and doesn't move, it's either just as good or worse. If our box is blacked out, then that character can't use that item.



One nice thing that shopkeepers do when you buy an item is let you equip it in store.



It'll show your stat gains from that item as well as...



...how much they'll buy the old item for. The other thing we want here is that Cheap Bracelet, because every point of defense is important in this game.



Let's stop here for the day. This update went much longer than I anticipated. I'm also going to go hunt down a text dump, ASAP.

Next time, on Earthbound, we'll explore some more of Onett! Stay tuned!