Part 11: Update Eleven: Mushroomization Actually Sucks In This Game

Welcome back, true believers! Last time, on Earthbound, we beat the shit out of most of the Onett police force and nearly died ourselves! Today, we're heading to Twoson, to really begin Nass' journey. Let's get started, shall we?



Twoson is to the south, past the roadblocks.



: Take care of yourself.



: You can also use the map in Twoson. It's really useful.



Thankfully, there's a path that you can follow to Twoson.



There are some old monsters on the path, but they're still worth fighting.



As you can see, in a few short levels, Nass' offense has improved tremendously.



Three of 'em equal a nice amount of exp. All in all, this place is close enough to the Arcade and Frank's free heal that it's not a bad place to grind, if you feel like you're behind. Or if you want to get ahead.



This lone house sits out here, the only landmark on the way to Twoson.



Huh, it's like an episode of Hoarders.



Oh, never mind, the mice live here. Good to see they are such kind souls.



: are they fast! I really love these guys!

Exit mice have a real purpose, which I'll cover in detail a bit later on. Just know, for now, they can be pretty useful in big dungeons.



Insectoid enemies are everywhere on this path. I ignore most of 'em, though.



But I don't ignore presents on an abandoned path!



While not enough to fully restore our HP anymore, Hamburgers are still nice for a quick fix.



Those two empty patches in the trees look like they can be gotten to, but I couldn't find a damned thing about it. I guess it's just a red herring.



Ooh! Mushrooms! I can pick these for healing items!



No, wait, these are asshole mushrooms, just like some of them are in Super Mario RPG.



Just bash your way through these guys; with only 60 HP, they're not much to concern yourself with.



Nass can nearly one-shot them and this is the first time we've met them.



Their attacks are nothing to worry about, but they can rack up fast. Don't get cocky and let yourself get beat to death by walking mushrooms.



Though they didn't do it in this fight, Ramblin' Evil Mushrooms can also "act absent-minded", which basically means that they give up their turn to do nothing.



This is the other thing that they can do, which is assholery in a high form.





You see the mushroom inside the purple on our health box? The purple indicates a status effect, while the mushroom lets us know we've been mushroomized.



He spread some more spores, but we can't be double-shroomed. When you're mushroomized, in battle, there's a chance you'll attack yourself or other party members. It's just as awful as it sounds, especially since it seems easier to kill your party than it is to kill enemies.



Nice little amount of exp., though, huh? Suddenly, that 111 from those three Black Antoids doesn't seem like shit.



On the field, Nass now has a shroom growing out of his skull. Eventually, this will fuck up your controls, by switching the directions of your D-Pad around. In my experiences, it usually just reverses them, i.e., down is up, left is right and so on. However, sometimes, it just shifts everything one tick clockwise or counterclockwise. Either way, it's more irritating on the map than it is in battle, usually.



Our entrance to Twoson.



The colors are different here, which I think is a nice touch. Kind of adds a rustic feel here, to me at least, and it has a chill as shit theme. And hey, one of those friendly moles! What does he have to say to us today?



: It's easy to tell an enemy just by looking at them. Enemies look like humans with weird colored faces. Beware of them. However... you can't get more powerful if you avoid your enemies.



That nugget of wisdom in hand, Nass continues his trek into Twoson.





Well, that sounds good to me. Why aren't real-life random people this nice?

: There is a hospital and the wonderful Chaos Theater. There is the Polestar preschool, and a nice bus station. If you're curious, you might want to check out Burglin Park. It's exciting. East of the town, you'll find Peaceful Rest Valley. On the other side of the valley is Happy Happy Village. There's also a pizza parlor. Do you want to know anything else?

: Sure, but there can't be much more to tell.



Oh, what a tricky lady.



This might be my favorite sign in the game. I can just feel the sass coming off of it in waves.





The hotel seems a bit pricey, but money in this game isn't too hard to come by. And note that is for a single room; when we have more people, we can't all sleep together in one room. Everyone needs their own private digs.



And this man is here, too. I hope he doesn't mind the mushroom growing out of his subject's melon.



Oh, wait. I guess he used some Photoshop wizardry to get rid of it.



Or maybe just regular wizardry, to get a good photo, than put it back. Like we're wearing it as a fashion accessory.



He's an odd fellow, isn't he?



Let's go get a bike!



OH GOD DAMMIT I JUST GOT THAT ONE





Well, kind of, but Goddammit, I'm still reeling from that.



Well, ain't that just a kick to the nuts on top of everything.



: Well, yeah, that'd be great.



: borrow a bike for free. You know that two people can't ride on one bicycle, so of course three or four people on a bike would be impossible! Did you also know that you can't ride a bike with anything following you? Teddy bears, for example... Carrying a bear and riding is impossible for you. And don't even think about riding a bike into a cave.



Before we go riding, let's hit up the department store real quick.



It was here that my controls starting fucking up. Everything moved counterclockwise on me.



$1,000 oughta cover any expenses we have here.



With $1,031 in hand, Nass takes the escalator toward a bright tomorrow. If you were wondering, there was nothing better to capture in a .gif this update.



There's a burger shop and a bakery on this floor. I'm pretty good, as far as healing goes, so next floor!



A more all-purpose shop. Excellent.



This guy has nothing I'm interested in. Teddy bears have a good reason to being so expensive, but we'll see that function in a bit.



If I had a customer service survey to fill out, I'd be very disappointed!



This guy has a few new things, but...



...Not for Nass. Sorry, guys, I can't give him a Ribbon and make him a pretty girl.



Outside of the department store, my mushroom perfectly blocks this Mr. T lookin' black guy. I need to do something about this Goddamned thing.



Ah, the hospital is due north. Off we go!



It's up to the healer to cure this condition.



: your head? Come on, let's make a deal.



Wait, wait, you're going to pay me to get rid of my status effect?



Not anymore. See you later, chump!



Nass' bike has a pretty rad theme, too. If you hit "R" while riding, you can ding the bell manually!



However, you can't talk to people or go inside any place while on the back.





There is some useful information in this house.



And some not-so-useful information, too.



This doesn't sound good. If she was kidnapped, is that why she contacted us in our dreams?



Breaking into this man's house will provide all the answers we need!



: founder of the religion there.

Part is me is honestly surprised they managed to get away with even mentioning religion over here, during the time this game came out in the US.



What the hell is that guy doing over there?



Oh, God, a new enemy! His weird colored face should have been a tip-off!



This is the first of, like, five new enemies on the Twoson streets. This guy only has 99 HP, but pretty crappy attacks and mediocre defense.



He also spends most of his turns fucking off.



I'd like to think this comes as a result of me hitting him in the temple with a ballbat, but it's not.



My personal theory is that he was just a regular dude, smashed in the middle of the day, who was outside trying to get some help, until a kid wandered by and beat his ass unconscious with a ballbat.



But, good Goddamn, he gives a nice amount of exp., though. In addition to a regular attack, he can also say nasty things, which will lower Nass' guts.



And nothing up near the north side of Twoson, except that odd little dirt path. Far as I know, it does nothing. Except sit there, taunting me with its out of placeness, to make me believe there's a secret hidden there.



Ooh, the second new enemy of Twoson! And possibly, the most famous enemy in all of Earthbound.



87 HP, with about the offensive power you'd expect a hippie to have.



This functions exactly as Captain Strong's temper loss did; he gains a point of offense.





Nass is a skosh faster than he is, so this battle goes rather quickly. In addition to a regular attack, the Hippie can also use a ruler (which doesn't do a fucking thing), or brush his teeth real quick and stun you for a turn, by showing you how bright and shiny they are.



Well, I wouldn't say anything a hippie does is normal, but he finally stopped moving after being hit with a baseball bat, so that's close enough to hippie normalcy for me.



And Jesus, hippies give good experience. Everyone, gather your bats and grow powerful!



But, let's call Dad and wrap up today.



Nass is doing pretty well financially, considering we have around $1,100 on our person. He's got more cash than I do, at least.



I gained a shitload of experience on the way here and from those two battles. I didn't fight any battles that I didn't show, either. This game is fairly generous when it comes to exp. in new areas.





Sleep tight, Dad. Thanks for everything you do.

Next time, we'll figure out a bit more about why Kim doesn't seem to be around town. Until then, stay tuned!