Part 30: Update Twenty Nine: Downtown, No Finer Place For Sure

Welcome back. Last time, on Earthbound, we explored most of the Dusty Dunes Desert, discovered two sesame seeds separated by space, but bonded by love, and we were promised gold, for giving a miner a Picnic Lunch. Today, we're going to the city, so let's get started.



The Dusty Dunes Desert is actually pretty big, but if you follow the border up top, it doesn't seem so bad.



Since we're so close to the tunnel, let's see about that traffic jam. Maybe there's something we can do to clear it up.



Well, there's an interesting thing. We'll play with this in just a second.



Over west of those guys, there's a very nice present box.



I'm almost certain it is connected to them...



: cheerful trio...



...Since the slot machine is broken and those three are serving as an improvisation so that I can still gamble in the middle of the desert. So, we toss in our buck...



And these guys spin around. Jesus, it has got to be hot wearing those get-ups.



Aww, Goddammit. I was so close to the triple seven!

I had to look up their rewards, as I've never been lucky enough to actually win anything from this. My source here tells me it is based on the cardinal direction they're all facing, with oranges being north, sevens being south, limes being west and equal signs being east.

North: A Chick
South: A PSI Caramel
West: A Can of Fruit Juice
East: A Skip Sandwich

All in all, I wouldn't mind the PSI Caramel or the Skip Sandwich. Cans of Fruit Juice don't restore enough HP to be useful. Chicks can be sold, though, and help prevent homesickness. Three out of four rewards being useful isn't too bad.







Yeah, these three dudes are pretty awesome. Sure, they're an annoying slot machine game, but c'mon, Tomas Jefferson. How can you dislike a man named that? Besides, if those two other dudes are cool enough to bro around with Tomas, they gotta be cool, too.



The traffic jam is cleared now. So, we never have to go around it again (even though we did it once)!



Alright, let's get to Fourside. It'll be nice to take a tour around the big city, I think.





This bridge is really fuckin' long. I've gif'd it up, just so you can fully appreciate the walk.



That's only half of the bridge, too. It's a hell of a long walk. But, hey, the supports of the bridge being reflected in the water is a really nice touch.



I could have taken the bus, sure, but I like the music around here. It just fits the big city feel.



Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fourside. It's the New York City of Eartbound.





: hit the big time. It's been good for the city.

Uh-huh. My JRPG senses are telling me this guy hasn't actually done any good for the city.



The hotel here is kind of expensive, but enemies drop enough money to where it's not a huge concern. Really, money is never a huge issue in this game, and maybe this is just me, but since it's in dollars, it always seems to be a ton of cash for a lot of things.



Hey, look, a drunken cabbie and a misplaced sign.



OH GOD THE SIGN IS EVIL



Crazed Signs have 295 HP to play with, and their defense and offense are pretty good. They're fairly slow, but they're a sign, so that's to be expected. They have access to Paralysis and Hypnosis Alpha and have no weaknesses, barring Brainshock/Hypnosis.



After Nass and Susan act, the Crazed Sign gets his turn, and Jesus, does he hit hard.



All in all, not a super-tough fight, but it is interesting to know that Giygas' evil influence is spreading to inanimate, non-sentient objects.



And they drop a good bit of exp., too.



Enough to get Kim another level!

For this level, oh, baby! Offense +4! Defense +2, speed +1, IQ +2, HP +1, and that rocks! PP +9!



Oh, that's not a drunken cabbie at all!



Just a Mad Taxi! That kind of has googly eyes.



These guys are fast, as could be expected from an attacking car. This is one of two actions they can take; the other is just running your ass over, for a good bit of damage.



Their exhaust fumes make one person start crying, which can be a pain in the ass. Oddly enough, their defense isn't very good, even though they are a ton and a half of metal.



He never attacked me during this fight, which I'm okay with. They only have 253 HP, and Nass was doing about half of his HP (when he hit). Mad Taxis have no weakness beyond Paralysis, so PSI isn't as useful as you'd think.





They also drop an oddly low amount of exp. I think it's the lowest in the area, but the Mad Taxi isn't the easiest enemy around.



Since enemies around here can dish out some damage, I give Kim a quick boost. I don't particularly feel like going to visit a hospital any time soon.



Fourside is big. Like, really big. It's easy to get around, sure, but it's just big.



Ooh, a bar cafe!





Man, this looks like the kind of hole-in-the-wall bar I'd just love to go to.



Well, honestly, I thought you were just an unassuming local.

: I have no information or items to help you out. Don't you think it's natural for a guy like me to be here?! I enjoy the atmosphere here.

The next time I'm in a bar and someone random starts talking to me, I am going to give them the no information line.



: left? 5 minus 1 is 4... so 4's left. ...Ah, it's not funny? Okay, here's another one...

But I will not be doing this part of the shtick.



: either...

...Master Pokey? And he has a maid? Dammit, Pokey, what have you been up to?



: bathroom fast! When I got there, I accidentally knocked on the wall instead of the restroom door... The next thing I knew, someone asked, "Who is it?" and really surprised me! Maybe I just imagined it...

I like how he's talking about a caffeine buzz, but is clearly holding a mug. Full of beer. Then again, maybe here in Fourside, they make amber colored coffee?



The bartender has some information for us. I guess Nass and co. are asking around about Monotoli, so they, too, have figured out he's probably not good news.



And we're looking in the wrong area for Monotoli. But, there is somebody here that pertains to Monotoli.



This guy here. Let's see if we can learn a few things about this Monotoli.



: My house and land were taken away... Now I'm homeless... Monotoli didn't used to be so powerful. I want to find out his secrets, so I'm spending my time here, watching to see if he ever drops in.

Hmm...Monotoli quickly and suddenly gained a ton of power, and ousted his former employer. Interesting. I wonder if Pokey relates to that. And I think he's less watching for Monotoli and more drowning his sorrows in his whiskey latte.



Well, if it has a good HP restoration, I'll drink whatever I like, lady.



: Mr. Monotoli's here? You got that wrong, kid!

And with that, we've exhausted the cafe (with its bottles of coffee and water, apparently, behind the barman) of information. So, back to the streets!



We'll just be making a loop around the city, hitting a few interesting parts. We'll go in deeper next update. For now, let's just get our bearings, shall we?



: including my house and my land. Weep, weep... They are evil incarnate. Lawyers, policemen, everyone that follows Monotoli! They're all his toadies! No matter how you fight him, you can't win!

: Sir, you've never seen us fight.

:



: Nosy!

Hmm...It appears that Monotoli has a fanbase of lawyers and cops, but the people on the ground don't seem to be fans of him.



Jesus, that is a big hospital. Hopefully, I won't have to visit it anytime in the future.





All of the buildings here that we can't enter just help to enhance the feeling that we're truly in a big city. And I think we're next to the Central Park analogue, even though I don't think it says that anywhere.



: out at Jackie's Cafe. You know, the totally unpopular place. I heard he quietly goes in and out.

Interesting...We didn't see him there, but that one man was waiting for him to show up. Maybe there's something to that, after all.



And here we have Monotoli's building. There's a cop standing watch outside.



Umm...Kim's a girl, you know. She has a ribbon and everything. Oh, and a dress, too. Unless he thinks we have a teenaged crossdresser with us (and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to encounter someone like that in this game). So, maybe he has a point with that.



: Be prepared! Got it, Nass... Ha ha ha. I've already checked out your name...



Hmm...Since the cop directly outside of the building has already checked into us, maybe it's not a wise idea to head to the building just yet.



So, let's go shopping instead!



Was the guy who made this sign dictating it? And did he have a stroke at the end, but the writer didn't realize it?

_{Also, Castle of Arrrrrgh, *insert Monty Python joke here*}



Me too. There's good shit in there and I know it!



: having strange happenings.

Well, hell, now it's a certainty. Monotoli is up to no good (and not just because he fucked with my shopping)! But what is his plan?



Not too far from the Department Store, we find this lady.



And to her right, an interesting man looking at a very interesting spot.

: Maybe it's your place.

Raise your hand if you think it is. Though, I'm more interested in the chest we can see here. It's a tad...Foreign looking, is it not?





After hitting the pavement again, we find another cop dedicated to Monotoli.



A cop very dedicated to Monotoli, it seems.



Just a short distance from that cop, we find the Bakery. Let's see about returning those Contact Lenses, shall we?





: To tell you the truth, I'm the owner of this bakery.

Well, let's see what you have to offer.



Nothing too bad, but I don't really need any of this. I may be back for one of those Skip Sandwich DXs, though. Twenty seconds of running speed lets you cross a ton of real estate in good time.



Upstairs, we find this man. I'm guessing he lost the contacts.



What the hell, asshole? I'm trying to give you your lost memento back!



You have to actually use them on this guy, which confuses me.

: Contact lens? Thank you. Thank you sooooo much! It's our family tradition to keep things forever. ...Okay, I'll give you something as a reward. Here's my socks that I use only for special occasions. I've worn these socks for just five years.

...Your socks? We recover a memento and we're rewarded with socks!?



Oh, well, no holes in them! That makes it all the fucking better!



: I'm being generous! Please take good care of my socks... *sniff!*

Well, let's see what these socks can do...



they cannot fight. Gone after one use.

Well, that is...Certainly something. Maybe I'll use them later. For now, let's keep moving along.



: agent. Now he has the power to control the police force. I don't think the city of Fourside is better than before.

So, Monotoli used to sell real estate. I wonder if he went to show off some property in a small village somewhere...



Last I knew, one of the was having a picnic.



: They'd be able to pay off a million dollar debt very easily. If I were them, I'd go to Japan and live it up!

Aww, hell, our gold is going to be spent on that million dollar debt, isn't it? Son of a bitch, I just want to be rich!

And I've heard good things about having fun in Japan. I wouldn't mind going some day.



The building to Nass' left is the Topolla Theater. Hey, didn't the Runaway Five mention they were going to play in Fourside?



We'll find out more soon enough. For now, let's rest our tired bones.



Eh, why not. I'm carrying over $9,000.



This room is a touch sparse, I think. For the level of fanciness I expected from the Fourside hotel, I am unimpressed.



Ooh, exclusive services! Tell me more, bellhop.



: Fourside Post... "Over 70% of Fourside citizens support Monotoli"

That's not a unique service, you asshole.



Alright, I'll keep an eye out for someone like that. I'm, uh...I'm not positive on your chances, though.



It's okay, guy. She'll come along eventually.



Since we're at the end of this update, let's give Dad a holler.



We've gotta get to Onett, soon, and buy that house. It's entirely worth the $7,500.





Status Shots







Alright, folks, next time, on Earthbound, we're going to the theater. Stay tuned!