Part 31: Update Thirty: Let's Go Earn Ourselves Some Gold

Welcome back. Last time, on Earthbound, we made our way into the big city and discovered there is something rotten going on there. Today, we're going to discover some old friends need a bailout.



But first, I mistakenly went back to the desert thinking that I had done all I needed to do to advance the story. As it turns out, I had gotten ahead of myself, but Susan still gained a level.

For this level, he gained +1 offense, +1 defense, +1 speed and +3 HP.



Anywho, with my dumbass attack finished, we're going to hit the Monotoli Building and maybe catch a show.





Welcome to the Monotoli Building. We don't get to see very much of it, but most of it is pretty dreary.



...How do you lose your shirt in a solitaire tournament? Better question, what the hell kind of solitaire do you guys play where there's not only tourneys, but also stripping?



Depending on who's playing, I may need to simply...Observe a game or four.



I'm sure you're elite in the same way Wally from Dilbert is "elite".



Today? Just casing the joint. At a later date? I'll probably be here to kick your boss's ass.



Let's see where we can get with this elevator.



WHAT!? POKEY HAS A FUCKING ELEVATOR ALL TO HIMSELF!?



: Why don't you stand somewhere else instead of behind me?

Bitch, I'm in front of you! Now run the Goddamned elevator up to Admiral Porker's ass!



Well, at least Nass listens to the lady. As for me, I'm too pissed off that Pokey has his own elevator. He probably needs it, though, but I'm amazed that we have strong enough machinery to haul his ass around.



He's got bodyguards, too? Jesus, Pokey, how hard did you blow Monotoli?



Well...Kind of. Nass and Pokey are neighbors, at least.



Hmm. Good thing it's okay to visit. That way, nobody will question our approach when we go to beat Pokey like a red-headed stepchild.



Maybe we won't directly assault Pokey. I don't think any of us could survive a bullet.



Normally, I'd be all here, but I'm concerned he has a machine gun.



Instead, we'll just slip through that door there. This hall has another door further down, but let's head in the closest one first.



Son of a bitch, he's right there. Before we go too much further, let's see what his bodyguards have to say.





Well, those two are just lovely, aren't they?



You can practically feel how slimy Pokey is. Even more than before, as if this greasy little pig could get any slimier.



: me for some money? Oooo la la.

POKEY!



: Get it? I'm now Geldegarde Monotoli's partner, and I give him political and economic advice. I heard there were some ratty-looking kids asking for Mr. Montoli... Was that you Nass? This isn't a place for the likes of you! Get outta here! Now, loser!



Don't you assholes dare touch me! Kim, light his ass on fire, Susan, explode the corpse, and Nass, bat him off the building!



Oh, you bleeding jerkoffs!



Fine! Let me put on a mask and then beat him to death!



C'mon, Kim, you can still hit those two with PSI Fire Beta! Oh, fuck it. Let's see what's down the hall.





Hey, where's Lardna? Did Pokey's father make this adventure all by himself?



: I'm Aloysius Minch, Pokey's dad. Due to my son's success, I now live the life of a rich man.

Oh, great, he's one of those dads who sponges off his son's success. Hey, he's kinda like Michael Jackson's dad. He even beats his son!



: hahaha! hohohoho! GWA HA Ha Ha hahahahahaha! Ha hahahaha.... *cough, cough, COOOOOOOUGH!* Oooo...My jaw is tired.

Alright, let's get out of here before I murder Aloysius and then have to crush every bodyguard in the building. There was another elevator around, let's see if we can do something there.



Monotoli Building Manager.)

Aww, nuts. Let's just skedaddle then.



Jesus, lady, in ten years, you'll like it when young men actually look at your ass.



Let's just catch a show to cool off. Maybe there's something good playing.



$30 for a ticket? That's quite a bit better than I was expecting.



You'd think that, since this guy just saw us buy the ticket, we wouldn't have to actually show him it.



Oh, well. I can deal with it.



Wow, this theater is a bit more full than the Chaos Theater.



Nobody here has anything worth listening to, by the by.



Except this guy. Let's go see our old buddies. I wonder how they're doing.





What are you apologizing for--Oh, no.



: I don't exactly know why...it's just a hunch.

I'll keep it in mind. I can see how having a popular band being helpful in meeting someone famous.



: Do-wap, do do wop.

How much are you guys in debt for this time? I might have enough in the bank to clear you guys.



: We're stuck here with a phony contract. Oh yeah!

I suppose we could hire you guys a lawyer to help you out there.



Yeah, you guys are. Don't worry, we all still love you.



I'll find a way to sort this out. Don't you guys worry a bit. But, for now...

LIVE, FROM THE CITY OF FOURSIDE



THE RUNAWAY FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!







Man, those guys are great. Let's see what we can do about that shit contract, shall we?



Uh-oh. She doesn't look quite as stupid as Poochyfud.



Well, they've suppressed my urge to murder Pokey, so you could say I am a fan.

: So, could you let them out of the contract? I've got a bit of money...



: It's actually quite a bit. I'm pretty sure I could bribe a judge with this much money.

: Yeah, whatever, kid. This band owes me a million bucks. If they break their contract, they'll be in deep doo-doo with the police.

: Just, uh, how deep?



: Oh, that deep.

: Unless you're able to pay a million dollars on their behalf? You'd have to find buried gold or you would never be able to pay such a huge sum of money. Ho ho ho... Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!



Well, everybody, thankfully, we were just offered a shitload of gold. Let's go see if we can collect on that offer.





Oh, 'sup, Bad Buffalo?



Well, he's gotten some work done.



Enough to gather a crowd, apparently. Is he doing stand-up while he excavates?



Well, they were going to find my gold, but now...



: relaxing on the floor.

Normally, I'd call this out for being bizarre, but I do think it'd be kind of neat to see gold being excavated.



The guy to his right is just a healer. No special dialog for being out in the desert.



This is true, it does.



I could have sworn Popsicles healed sunstroke, but they don't. They restore about 20 HP, though.



Oh, that's like when I have The Next Generation playing while I work on an update.





Let's head on in and see how Gerardo is faring.



I don't like that he's by the entrance. Especially when I can see slightly more of the mine to the left.



A poster earlier mentioned quitting around this point. I can't really blame him, but the maze isn't too bad. If anything, it's an exercise in tedium, as it's not very difficult to navigate around, but kind of a pain in the ass.



Oh, yeah, and there's five bosses down here.



: from worrying too much. I'm helpless to really do anything.



Don't worry, Gerardo. We've got this covered.



...You can't beat a fucking Coil Snake? What the hell, man, you have a shovel.



Never mind, this is the Coil Snake's big brother! He's thirsty!



So, these guys have 270 HP, with good offense and defense. They're vulnerable to Freeze and Paralysis, but Nass and Kim better preserve their PP. I wasn't joking about the five boss fights down here, along with other enemies that are better PSI'd out of existence.





This is it's main attack; it can also just regularly bite you, or coil around you and bite you. They're very bitey.



Thankfully, Kim wasn't poisoned. I honestly expected it to try and poison Susan, though.



However, Kim did not appreciate that snake's bullshit, and displays it in the most appreciable manner.





They drop good exp., as do most things down here.





Heading north, we find a ladder leading down. Just how far did Gerardo dig before he encountered all these enemies?





Ooh, a rope-thingy!



And everyone's favorite enemies, The Mad Duck!



Noose Men have 231 HP, and their attack and defense is pretty similar to the Thirsty Coil Snake's; their only vulnerability is PSI Fire, as could be expected from a creature made out of rope, and they will either bash someone or immobilize them.



To quickly eliminate the Mad Ducks, and to prevent them from robbing any PP, I have Kim turn them to ash.



They're later served to the other monsters around here with a nice orange sauce.



Noose Men aren't difficult by any means, and they rarely appear solo.



Their damage output can be slightly dangerous if there are more than one and they focus on either Kim or Susan, but generally, it's nothing to worry about.





Yeesh, how pathetic is that? The Mad Ducks were nice when we first encountered them as Susan, but now...

They're still awesome, though.



I see a human skull in there. There has to be good treasure in there.



But first, apparently, that Noose Man missed his buddy's demise. Let's show him how it went down.



Alright, with that business out of the way, let's snag that present box. Since we just finished a fight and we're still blinking, we can just slip up to the box before the mole assaults us.



Hey, alright, now this is good.



Since I decided to divvy them up between Kim and Susan, Kim gets this one. IQ helps PP growth and since her PSI is more murder-oriented than Nass', she can put this to better use.



: We are all moles, of course. I believe I'm the third strongest among us. Take your best shot!





This guy really is the third strongest. All of these guys can be tough, with insane defense, high offense, and their only vulnerability is PSI Flash. This one's got 386 HP, which seems low, but he's got a lot of other things to back his low amount of HP with.



They also come with an automatic Shield Beta, meaning they'll reflect damage back.



But, it helps if you have a plan. I, for one, have an excellent plan.



It's a bit risky, but it's fool-proof, really.



It starts with Freeze Gamma.



And ends with Freeze Gamma.

I honestly didn't intend for the fight to go like that, as I remember this guy being tougher. Either way, it's just about the best way to go when fighting any of the masters, as they can dish out some good damage and can extend the fight with Life Up Alpha.





The third strongest master also drops a fucking ton of exp.



Not enough to gain anyone a level, just yet, but I'm not going to complain about nearly 5,800 exp. And I'm going to end off here, with a mini-status shot.

Next time, on Earthbound, let's finish off this moley-maze. Stay tuned!