Part 43: Update Forty Two: Get The Fuck Outta My Face, Miyagi

Welcome back! Last time, on Earthbound, we got stoned on the beach. Today, thanks to my rampant insomnia, we're going to take a most interesting test. So, let's get started.





Our camera is panning over a new location...



One that appears to be sitting upon a pink cloud...





It's inhabitants are dressed strangely, as compared to the locations we've already been.



Oh, shit, son. We have left Summers.



Thank God that's just the Prince's name, otherwise this would be a horrible palace.



Jesus Christ, Poo looks so fucking pissed.



Oh, I see. Today is a special and stressful day for Prince Poo.



The "Place of Emptiness"? I thought I'd have a snappy joke here, but I got nothing.



I will say, though, I'm surprised by all the mentions of prayer in this game; the word "Holy" comes up later, too. If I remember right, this game and Final Fantasy VI were released in the same year, but "Holy" in FFVI was renamed "Pearl".



I'm assuming that to Poo's right, the royal treasury is hanging out.



Is looting with permission still considered looting?



Sweet.



Double sweet.



Ooh, this sounds like a triple sweet!



This is accomplished just by your keeping this item. This is great, because if you can't concentrate, you can't use PSI.

Holy shit, this thing sounds sweet. It prevents PSI block on whoever is carrying it. And since there's only a handful of enemies who can do that, combined with the fact that a PSI block will wear off in a few turns... Yeah, this thing is kind of a piece of shit.



Before we go too much further, let's save our game real quick-like.



I-Is... Is Poo trolling Nass' dad?



And not telling him the truth?



Oh, Poo, you're a card.



: spent, you should now have $2,833 in the bank.

Alright, sweet. We're one step closer to being able to afford Lucky Coins for everybody.



Oh, yeah, Poo doesn't start at level 1 with 2 in every stat. We'll see his stats in a minute, though.



I included this screen because I think it makes Poo look like a trollin' jackass. I like it.



Anyways, Poo comes at a decent level, to where it actually does look like he's been training. He has no equipment at present, so all of his stats are completely natural.



He's also got a fair bit of PSI at his disposal.



Nass is no longer the only one who could be stuck on healing duty during a fight. Poo is quite a valuable support character.



He can fill just about any role you need him to, barring shooting Bottle Rockets. Even so, he has enough PSI at his disposal, it's not like he needs that ability. His "Other" PSI is empty for now.



Seriously, he just looks so fucking all the time.



And apparently Poo is the biggest player in Dalaam.



If I knew anything about cultural architecture and stuff like that, I'm sure I'd have volumes of things to say here. But, I don't, so all I can say is that I think those elephants look pretty sweet.



Heading to the west not only gives Poo a very nice view, but also confirms any suspicions you had about us being on a floating island.



A floating, Asian-esque island.



Oh, look at this guy. He should go to the Stoic Club; he'd fit in very well, I feel.



No reason for coming here other than any pretty view.



Ah, a man who appears to be in meditation. What nuggets of wisdom will he yield?







After that enlightening chat, let's see what this girl has to say.



: It seems like that's all you do these days. Why don't you take some time to play with me? I'm so lonely without you...

Oh, Poo, you dog.





Way ahead of you on that front, old-timer. And I'm going to assume what "look around" means in this context is "take the contents of my lone chest."



Bottles of Water are extremely nice for Poo; for just one $4 bottle, he recovers about 10 PP, while Nass or Kim would restore about a single PP point. A Bottle of DX Water would restore about 40 PP to Poo.



There are quite a few NPC's around here.



Jesus, Poo gets around.



Does she think he now has a concubine or something?



Because look at that guy. Look at that walk. Look at fucking swagger he's got.



Poo looks like he can't limit himself to just one lady. We shoulda named him "Bitches".





Does that mean Poo punches the shit out of cows to get stronger? Because, if so, that's fucking awesome.





Inside this house, there's another NPC and another chest; Jars of Delisauce are badass. They're the ultimate condiment, as in, they go with any food you have. It doesn't matter if it's a Picnic Lunch, a Peanut Cheese Bar, or a Croissant. Delisauce will go with it.



Oh, look, a Poo joke.



Hell yes, he is. All the ladies love Poo.



I like to think Poo only started his training about a month ago, and nobody figured it was for real.



As opposed to accepting ~ dollars.



Some of you may be thinking these shots of Poo being popular with the ladies are superfluous, but the sheer magnitude of all of them needs to be shared.



Dalaam Restaurant has some very nice things for sale, but not from this guy.



Well, in a manner of speaking...



Y'know, Poo, you could speak up and let him know who he's talking to.



Fuel for mind murder, man. Fuel for mind murder.





As you can see, Poo doesn't have a single dollar to his name. Normally, I'd raise a fuss about him being a prince and all that, but why would a prince of a foreign country, one that doesn't use dollars, have any on his person?

Oh, and take a good look at this menu. Add a Bottle of DX Water to the list, and that just about sums up the list of foods that Poo is cool with. Seriously, anything else restores only about 6 HP to him, as he is picky and not used to food outside of Dalaam.



That's the real reason for it, too. Poo's never had a Hamburger, Pizza or Croissant before, so his tummy isn't used to dealing with it.



But, hey, that's what PSI is for (when it's not used for murder). Life Up will heal him the same as it does anyone else, so we just have to watch what we feed him.



We're almost done with our tour of Dalaam; it's not a very big country.



Really, it's about the size of the Vatican, I suppose.



Alright, we've got that training to finish up.



And here's our generic old man mystic guy.



But first, a sign!



If you can make your mind blank and learn the true meaning of "Mu," you'll pass through. Mu is Mu...)

Ooh, mystical and chilling.



He starts by hitting on Poo. This training is just going places, isn't it?



: level of intelligence... However, I'm still realizing and learning this higher level... I'll see you again. So long!



And he flies away. Or teleports. Either way, he's gone and we have ropes to climb.





And Poo climbs like a champ. That training is paying off.



Another pretty view. How peaceful.



Why wouldn't he come himself?



That sounds like a very un-mastery thing to say.



: such as this. Your Master wishes it... please rise, Prince... Your highness, you must give up this trial for now... believe what I say, it is the truth...



And she departs; we can get up and leave yes, but this is our final trial. Nothing must break our concentration now.



And so, Poo meditates, waiting for the trial to begin.



He is clearing his mind of all thought...







Poo has entered the place of Mu.





And now, his final trial begins.



: To complete your trial, I am going to break your legs. You will lose use of them.



Yes. In this journey Poo is going to embark on, physical pain cannot be a fear.





: Next, I will tear your arms off... I shall then take your arms and feed them to the crows.



Yes, we do.



Poo's health has hit zero; is he dead? Or is he simply incapable of moving his body and he's as good as dead?



: Now, I'll cut your ears off. You do not mind my taking your hearing away, do you? Do you accept this?

Of course we accept this. Our training is of the utmost importance.



: By floating words through the air, I must ask you... Do you care if I take your eyes? Do you want to live in eternal darkness? I shall steal your sight. Do you accept this?)

As we have for the rest of your questions, yes, we accept this.





We are now completely blind, deaf, and incapable of moving. Poo is truly helpless.



: Your mind is all you have left... In the end, I will take your mind, though you probably don't want to allow that, do you?



: If you lose your mind, you also lose any feelings of sadness... Do you accept this?





Once again, we have no choice. We can't allow feelings to hold us back. Not on this journey. Our new friends would lose much if we were to do so...



Our training is complete.





Poo's training has been completed, but his stats have not changed. Not all training is physical, remember.





For some reason, this palace makes me think of some Legend of Zelda dungeon. I cannot figure out why.



The Mu training was difficult, yes. As for the breaking of Poo's legs, I can sympathize on some level; doing that section reminded me of the pain of when I shattered and dislocated my hip and ankle, and broke my pelvis.



Holy comes up here again. For the life of me, I cannot think of why they wouldn't censor that. I mean, it is NoA.



Holy shit, he's getting messages from God. Poo is now a man on a mission from God.



: the greatest struggle of all time... The only ones who can challenge the entity are three boys and one girl. One named Nass is the leader of the four. One of the boys is you, Prince Poo. Now that you've completed your training, search out Nass at once. For all beings, for the earth herself... I pray for growth in the might of the four.



Poo proceeds to gain three levels. The prayer for growth is already working.

For his three levels, Poo gained oh, baby! Offense +7, oh baby! Defense +5, speed +2, vitality +1, IQ +1, luck +1, HP +9, and that rocks! PP +8!







Yep, Poo just learned three new PSI powers, too. Including one that puts our new teleport skill to shame.



And Poo wastes no time in getting the hell outta there. Seriously, there's no other dialogs or anything. He just learns Teleport Beta, and immediately leaves. Though, apparently this is the only instance to where it can be used inside.



He overshoots Nass and crew just a little bit. Apparently, they've just been higher than kites, hanging out on the beach for the last forty-five minutes.



Whoa, hey, servant is a bit of a strong word.



: My life is in your hands.

Well, at least he pronounces Nass' name right. Though, don't ask Susan about that whole "life in your hands" thing. He probably has a negative view about that whole thing.

Alright, guys, this is where we're stopping off for now. Voting will end at midnight, tonight (eastern standard time), so keep voting. I can easily go back and change the name if I need to.

But, next time, on Earthbound, let's see what sort of exciting shit has opened up to us! Stay tuned!

End Of Update Status Shots