The Let's Play Archive


by Travis343

Part 4: Fuck tha Po-leece

Part 3: Fuck tha Po-leece

The caves were faintly lit and smelled like stagnant water. The ceiling sloped sharply up and seemed to go on forever. Tiny, indecipherable sounds echoed in the distance.

A few feet in, I heard a faint chattering slowly get louder.

It was a little mouse, gradually making its way towards me.

Suddenly it bared its teeth and leapt at me. It had been a little bit since I'd fought with a crazy animal, and I had almost forgot what Buzz Buzz had told me.

Reacting quickly, I swung my bat at the soaring rodent. I heard a loud crack, and looked around for the body. I hadn't seen it hit the ground. Where was the little critter? I was starting to feel bad about it when a tiny little growl came from directly overhead.

It must have grabbed on in mid-air! Any second now it would drop onto my head and start gnawing towards my shoulders. Thinking fast, I swung the bat around to keep it off-guard. Sure enough it clamped down with its teeth to keep from being slung off. Then, BAM! I smacked it hard into the cave wall.

I examined my much-abused baseball bat. Two thick, deep bitemarks now joined the patchwork of dents, chips, and cracks in the aged wood. Damn. Ah, well, I thought, Dad keeps my bank account fairly stocked, I'd just pick up a new one once I was done with this cave.

The ground sloped upwards and I followed, still unable to see the ceiling. I had no idea a place like this was in my hometown.

Several feet in, I realized I had lost track of the doorway. Seeing the dark outline of a passageway on the rock wall ahead, I decided to check that out. That ended up being a pretty large mistake.

Taking a few steps in I became aware of several little ants running here and there on the rocks. Big deal, right? Ants. But the farther I walked, the more there were...

And suddenly, the ground dipped and I fell into a low crater. I felt something crunch under my knee and suddenly the ground was writhing...

Ants! Everywhere! And, ugh, what the heck was that?!

There must have been hundreds of them!

I swung my bat around but it was futile. They were too small to hit and the slugs were clinging to my bat, coating it in a gooey slime. Panicking and feeling queasy, I scrambled up the drop-off and bolted back the way I came.

I spent the next fifteen minutes or so brushing bugs out of my clothes and trying to make sure they were all gone.

Now, as I wandered through the dim cave, my eyes were noticing bugs everywhere. I tried to stay clear, but like the mouse earlier, something was driving them to violence. Fortunately, they weren't all concentrated in one huge disgusting pile, so I dealt with them the way you would any bug.


There was something different, at least-a long rope led up to a higher level in the cave.

Now I could see another door ahead of me. Steeling myself for the possibility of another room full of bugs, I stepped through it...

...and found myself in a narrow corridor. The light suggested I was almost outside...

Sure enough, I stepped into the blinding sunlight and looked around. I was up on the mountain overlooking the clown's shack. I didn't see Giant Step anywhere, but there was another cave leading back inside.

More ropes. I started to wonder who had put these here, and how long ago? They didn't feel too fragile, at least.

At the top of the second rope, I was stopped by a strange force, and a voice called out from the darkness.

: "Master Giygas has informed us of your approach. This is Giant Step, the first of 'Your Sanctuary' locations. But it's mine now. Take it from me, if you dare...!"

There was a flash of light, and a huge creature materialized in the doorway. At least six feet tall, with long, spindly legs, and a swollen, bulbous body, it looked at me with a simple, malicious grin. Suddenly I noticed ants, small ones, swarming on the walls around it. The giant ant was calling them to it somehow.

I wasted no time in unleashing my psychic powers against the insects. The smaller ants were blown away by the force, but the huge one hardly flinched. I gulped. I tried to remember how Buzz Buzz had fought against tough enemies like this.

Psychic shield! I wondered if I could do that too.

The ant came swinging from overhead with its two right fists. I rolled out of the way, and aimed a swing of my bat squarely at its legs. It groaned in annoyance and chased after me.

Now or never! I focused my mind and formed a protective bubble around me. The ant charged and smacked headlong into it. The shock knocked me down, but the ant was in worse shape. It caromed off the shield like a speeding car and crashed into the wall. It got up unsteadily, and I realized my chance.

Not wanting to give it a chance to recover, I leapt into the air and planted the end of my bat right in one of its beady little eyes. It howled in pain and fell to the floor. Panting, I climbed on top of it and brought my bat down on its head over and over until I saw cracks appearing in its exoskeleton. I kept swinging, crunching its hard outer shell into pieces, until my bat hit the cold cave floor.

Boss Battle: Titanic Ant

Google Video / Backup

Jeez, that was messy. I hope I don't have to deal with bugs for all eight of these. Exhausted and covered in goo from the ant's head, I staggered through the shimmering doorway behind him.

Stepping once again into the dazzling sunlight, I covered my eyes and blinked. Ahead of me was Giant Step. It was a huge footprint stomped right into the mountain. Around it, verdant green grass grew. A light haze seemed to hang over the area, and a soothing hum filled the air. It was as if this area existed separate from time. My head started to feel light as I took a few steps toward the footprint.

W...what was this?


I didn't have time to ponder it. The Sound Stone suddenly began to thrum in my pocket. Pulling it out, I watched as it began to sparkle. A gently soothing melody began to play, and then stopped abruptly.

With eight Sanctuaries, I supposed the melody would be complete. I tore myself away from this strangely comforting place and headed out.

Hmm, what's a policeman doing down there?

: "Well, yeah, but-"

: "So you just figure the rules don't apply to you, huh?"

: "But the mayor gave-"

: "Shut yer pie hole, twerp! You're coming downtown!"

With that I was handcuffed and dragged downtown to the Onett police station. I wonder if this is what the mayor meant by avoiding responsibility?

I was brought before the Chief of Police, a stern-looking man who glared stoically at me while the other cop went on a long rant about...something.

: "Now you listen here...Do Not Enter means just that: DO NOT ENTER! And furthermore...Blah blah...Blah blah...It's usually those tax evaders who...Blah blah blah...We don't enjoy blocking off the roads, you know...blah blah blah...It's usually the local whiners who make a big deal out of emergencies and meteorites! Blah blah..."

: "Um..."

: "Why was that shack locked? Important evidence! Your tampering may have cost our department millions of dollars in wasted time!"

: "I didn't touch anything-"

: "I'm gonna have to take you back for questioning, kid."

I was led to a dark room in the very back of the police station. The captain flipped on a light switch and I saw five burly cops standing around the wall.

: "What the..."

: "Take him."

The cops jumped into action and charged me. I was more than a little confused, but I had just beaten a giant ant to death with a baseball bat, so I wasn't scared of a couple of donut-eating beat cops. One tried to tackle me, but was thrown against the wall by a psychic blast. Another came at me with his hands straight for my throat. I ducked underneath him and kicked him in the shin as hard as I could. He toppled over, tripping the rest of his buddies, and I was able to knock them all to the floor with one final burst of psychic energy.

My mind was just coming to terms with the idea that I had just beaten up five armed policemen when I heard the click of a gun being cocked. Captain Strong had his weapon pointed at me. My heart was thudding in my chest and I wondered if a psychic shield would stop a bullet or not.

: "Not bad. The mayor was right about you, it seems."

: "What are you talking about?"

: "He knew once you beat up all the Sharks in town you were too dangerous. What was gonna stop you if you decided to take over Frank's operation? He let you go to Giant Step assuming you wouldn't come back."

: "You've gotta be kidding me..."

: "Fraid not. Only, you came back from Giant Step. So we had to bring you in. We were gonna take you down for the good of Onett. But, it seems you're too tough for that too."

: "So, I guess you're gonna shoot me now, huh?"

: "How about we come to a compromise? You skip town, right now. Leave Onett. My men'll escort you to Twoson. You don't show your face back here ever again. You do, you'll be under arrest. And you might just "disappear" from your cell sometime."

: "Do I have a choice?"

: "Nope."

Boss Battle: Onett Police Force

Google Video / Backup

And there it was. I was led to the city limits at the southern edge of town by the cops. They hadn't even bothered to give my bat back.

I'm not ashamed to tell you I started to cry a little on the walk to Twoson. All I was trying to do was save this stupid world and now I had been thrown out of my hometown by the police. I was sure I'd never see my mom or my little sister or Otoro ever again. Just because some stupid bee from the stupid future came out of nowhere.

At this point I was so upset I didn't even notice or care when a tiny mushroom on legs started to chase me.

I remember thinking that nothing else could phase me after the ant and the ordeal at the police station. Walking mushroom? Get out of here. I kicked at it irritably and it sort of squeaked and sailed off into the bushes.

Finally, here I was in Twoson. I realized I had to try to stay positive. I wiped my face dry and looked around. Twoson was a much larger city than Onett, after all. Big buildings like I'd never seen before stretched in front of me.

: "...thanks."

Directly ahead was the hotel. Suddenly the fact that I hadn't slept since that meteorite woke me up hit me like a ton of bricks. Giant Step had refreshed me slightly, but I was sore, sweaty and exhausted. I knew I had to make my allowance from Dad last, but damn it, I could really use a stay in that hotel.

I forked over my $50 and somehow made it to my room.

Not even turning down the covers, I flopped onto the bed and fell asleep. I didn't know it yet, but things were about to start looking up for me.

Next time: Ness investigates the shady side of scenic Twoson! Don't miss it!