Part 9

9. There is no spoon



She rhymes. This is awesome, I want this fish. Get in my steel cage!

 it doesn't work 

Okay, what does the omniscient voice of reason have to say about Calvinfish?

A secret panel in the Temple wall has opened to reveal the Oracle. Cassandra the Oracle is a John Dory fish. Like all John Dory fish, she has a mysterious third eye on her side. Perhaps it is this third eye that allows the Oracle to see into the future.

Her name is Casandra? Huh. It's not like she told me that or anything. How did the voice know that?

: "My name is Adam. I came here with Dolphy to help save the kingdom. What can I do to help?"

: "A prophecy from ancient year,
Spoke of days of death and fear.
A human boy, kind and brave
Would the Kingdom of Eluria save.
Three riddles will your soul reveal,
Use your heart, the truth to feel."

I wish I had the newer version of this game. Cassandra has this angelic voice that was really nice compared to the hilariously out of place voices the rest of the game throws at us. Adam sounds like a choking seagull and Dolphy sounds like Mickey Mouse with a barb up his ass.



...oh. I guess that puzzle was important after all.

: "Whose march to progress dooms us all,
Lives aloof to Nature's call,
Before he walks, must learn to crawl,
And be a friend to great and small?"

Clickin' on the man in the middle because the answer is obviously man because we suck according to fish.

: "Is the answer Man?"

: "The riddle have you answered true.
A vision will I grant to you."



IT'S MONSTRO

RUN

: "Here's the second you must master,
From the picture, choose an answer.

What glides like a bird but does not fly,
Lives and plays 'nearth an emerald sky,
Feels the hook's pain but cannot cry,
Has no voice to question why?"

Does the Oracle think I'm retarded? Seriously?

: "Is the answer Fish?"

: "The riddle have you answered true.
A vision will I grant to you."



OH JESUS
THESE VISIONS ARE FULL OF NIGHTMARES

: "Here's the third and last to master,
From the picture, choose an answer."



...um, what? Hmm...

: "Is the answer Dog?"

: "That's not the answer that I see.
The ocean's voice speaks not in thee.
Return when you understand the sea."



Motherfucker.

Fine, I'm going to click randomly until I find something.

: "Is the answer Love?"

: "The riddle have you answered true.
A vision will I grant to you."

_{I also went through Frond and Earth and Sun, I think.}



Man, humans sure do suck.

: "The prophecy says a child of man might help save Eluria? Could that be me?"

...it does? Where?

_{edit: oh yeah I guess it did at the beginning. Adam pays attention to the little shit.}

: "Your answers show that you can see,
The carelessness that haunts the seas,
But the citizens must give their trust,
To you alone - win them you must.
This 'Sign of Trust' bring back to me,
And you shall have the prophecy."



...okay. Well, um. Back on out, I guess.



Hey, Dolphy. That was a long ass breath. You've been gone like, twenty minutes.

: "You met the Oracle, huh?! What'd she say, Adam, what'd she say?!"

: "She says I should find a 'Sign of Trust' from the citizens. What could she mean, Dol?"

He actual calls him "Del" but that implies his name is something other than Dolphy.

: "Hmm. A sign of trust, eh? Beats me. Maybe you should talk to the city's Mayor and the Guardian of the Greens. If you can find them, that is. I've seen hardly anyone since I've been back."

That's because all you've done so far is go into an apartment and go back up for a realllllly long breath break.

: "It IS kinda creepy. Where do ya think I should look for the Mayor and the 'Guardian of the Greens'?"

: "Somewhere INDOORS! I'll meet you back at the Fish Apartments later. Come by if you can't find who you're lookin' for."

Oh you useless ass. I'm supposed to be HELPING you, not doing your whole fucking job.



I guess we'll go into the only other indoor building that we're allowed into.



Ahahaha who's this douche

The booming voice seems to come from nowhere.

Fish are irritating.

Though seeing no one in the room, Adam tentatively calls out...

: "Who... who are you?"

: "I AM ME. Which is to say <Ahem>, the GREAT SENATOR. Tremble before me."



: "Oh. Well, okay. I'm Adam. Dolphy brought me here to help."

: "Adam? I know of no Elurians named Adam... <EEK!> You're HUMAN! A SON OF MAN? HERE? Where is that blasted blubber farm of a whale?!"

: "What whale? You mean Cetus?"

No the other whale you -face

: "Of course, Cetus! But I didn't say 'blasted blubber farm of a whale'. Not me! I never said that <gulp>. 'Benevolent, impressively large whale' is what I actually said.

Great Cetus maketh the food plentiful and the city pure. He banisheth the sharks and conger aliketh, he maketh the water clear and filtereth the yuckey stuff. Oh, and he maketh us cleanseth behind our gills."

...this is a really sad attempt at 'the comedic relief'.

: "But Cetus is missing."

: "I KNOW THAT!!! Alas, poor Eluria! Cetus has vanished. For lo many days, Cetus is gone. Only Poseidon knows where he has hithered to. But fear not, for the GREAT SENATOR will personally see to it that Eluria, great kingdom, survives."

You can't even keep the trash out of your great kingdom. How exactly do you expect to find a whale?

: "How will you replace Cetus, Great Senator? Things look a mess to me. Maybe I could help."

: "Help? You? The GREAT SENATOR needs no help. The GREAT SENATOR has not acted because HE is still pondering the situation. If YOU'RE so smart, try solving the challenge of the columns!"

: "What challenge of the columns?"



Oh boy. Another riddle.

: "And now I will answer no more questions, human boy. The GREAT SENATOR will now stay silent and silently ponder."

When I find you I'm going to filet you.

I'm not fucking kidding I'm going to fill you with butter and eat you, I swear to God, you irritating sack of shit.

_{Next time}: The challenge of the columns!