Part 31: Professor Doctor Saves the Day
[The following scene was cut from SnakeFist V before being filmed. The script for this segment survived, and can be found on the 2008 HD re-release in the Special Features section]SETTING: Convenience store, seedier part of town, night. SNAKEFIST is finally going to get the drink he wanted at the beginning of the TAXI FIGHT SCENE.
SNAKEFIST: Gimme a Professor Doctor.
CLERK: You got it, dude! That's the drink that heroes prefer!
Enter THUG.
THUG: I'm a criminal! This is a stick-up! Hand over your money!
SNAKEFIST: Okay, calm down. I'll give you my wallet, but first, let me take a drink of this delicious and satisfying Professor Doctor.
CLERK: It's the choice of a real man after a long day of doing what's right!
THUG: That is entirely reasonable, go ahead.
SNAKEFIST takes a sip of Professor Doctor, clearly savouring the taste of 8 fruits and 14 essential vitamins and nutrients.
THUG: Wow, does that look good. How about you give me one of those, along with all that money I had previously asked you for?
SNAKEFIST: Sure thing, let me get you one.
SNAKEFIST graps a bottle of Professor Doctor and throws it at THUG's head, distracting him. SNAKEFIST draws his gun.
SNAKEFIST: Fuck you!
SNAKEFIST shoots THUG, killing him.
CLERK: Wow, thanks for saving me!
SNAKEFIST: No, thank you, pal, for getting me that wonder-drink, Professor Doctor! It gives me the edge I need to take out criminal scum like that.
CLERK: And it's available everywhere, and so reasonably priced!
SNAKEFIST: Professor Doctor truly is The Right ChoiceTM!
Exit SNAKEFIST, dissolve to next scene
[The scene was likely cut due to the blatant product placement being largely against the tone of the film. Reportedly, JoyCo Inc. (the producers of Professor Doctor) filed a lawsuit against Warner Brothers, claiming that they had agreed to provide catering services for the film in exchange for the product placement of Professor Doctor. Both parties settled out of court.]