Part 1: Don't let it get your G.O.A.T.

Don't let it get your G.O.A.T.


Okay, calm down, Lizard Wizard. You've clearly just...gone somewhere where it's your tenth birthday. Perfectly normal. Guy in the coat? That's my dad.


That kind of old guy gave me some bracer thingy. Well, more like forced it onto my arm. It's tight.


The Overseer's kind of a dick. Now, let's get a look at this PIP BOY.


Well, the little man on it is happy, and all of his body parts are full, so that's good. Wait, am I the little man?


MY BEAUTIFUL BODY


Y'know what? That's cool. It's my birthday. I have a whole party to enjoy. Let's just socialize.


Happy birthday! We really surprised you, didn't we?
_{(Yeah, in more ways than one.)}
Ha ha. Your dad was afraid you were onto us. But I told him not to worry. You're so easy to fool.


Our first dialog tree! Pick a thing, say a thing. I'll be trying to transcribe dialog windows whenever possible, and taking liberties with it at times. Dialog trees will get more interesting later, but more on that when we get to it.
You're such a liar! Okay, if you're so smart, what did I get you for your birthday?
Ask me anything about my birthday present.
Do you think it's a-
NO FUCKING CLUE.
Ha! I knew I'd surprise you. Who's your favorite barbarian? That's right, Grognak! Issue 14, and with no missing pages! I found this in a box of my father's old things, believe it or not. Imagine him reading comic books. I guess everybody was ten once. Well, I'd better let you get back to "mingling" with your guests. We'll talk later, okay? Happy birthday.


Nice, a little book. Wait, what? My Pip-Boy just made a little chirp.


Huh. I guess it keeps track of my stuff, too. That's handy.
Grognak the Barbarian is one of many magazines scattered around in Fallout 3. Like skill books in the Elder Scrolls games, these give you a skill boost. UNlike skill books in the Elder Scrolls games, there's no real words inside.


I liked the part where he hit the guy with the axe!
They also disappear on use.


I spoke to the Overseer, too. He's still a dick.
He also looks hilarious. Thanks, screenshot!


This old lady is quite a bit nicer.
Goodness, listen to me ramble! You're waiting for your present, aren't you?
I didn't even know you HAD a present for me. Fire away!


BEST. HAG. EVER.


Oh hey. I should probably get a hat.





Oh man, is that cake?


What...what is that centurion doing?


HANG ON GUYS I GOT THIS


UH. SORRY ABOUT THE CAKE THEN


Tastes fine to me!


How do you like that Pip-Boy, son? Fit all right and everything?
It's pretty neat. I think I'll get a lot of use out of it.
I'm glad you like it. Some may think the A series a bit basic, but I've always preferred them for their reliability.
Uh...okay. Thanks again!



It's a hat! I think I like the other one better.
Clothing and armor tend to have skill buffs attached to them. For example, while we're wearing the baseball cap, we're better with melee weapons. It's a nice mechanic. Like I said, though, I prefer the party hat for now.


These guys were just talking amongst themselves about what to call their club or something. Whatever.


Jonas is waiting for you downstairs on the Reactor Level. Go ahead, I don't think anyone will mind if you slip out for a few minutes.
Ordinarily, Butch (one of the kids at the table) will come up to you and demand your sweetroll, instigating a little fight which the security guard has to break up. I guess Dad just walks up to you no matter what if the game decides you're done fucking around. I'm just as surprised as you are, viewers!


Well, at least the reactor level should be easy to find.


Ooh, science-y.


Wh...bu...Dad said it was okay...
Hey, relax! I was just teasing. Listen, now that you're ten you don't have to take guff like that from grownups any more. Got it? Ha ha ha. Hold on one more minute. I think your dad will want to give you the surprise himself.


Oh hey, there he is.


I should hope so.
The Overseer gave you your Pip-Boy, and you're old enough to do some work. So I figure you're old enough for this - your own BB gun! It's a little old, but it should work perfectly.
Oh boy, a BEE-BEE GUN! Just what every normal child wants! _Right?
Let's go try it out. Jonas and I have found a nice spot for you. Follow me.


Well, what do you think? You can come down here and shoot any time you want. Couldn't have done it without Jonas' help. You make sure to thank him.


(Let's see here...there's a little trigger on the bottom. I wonder...)
PTANG


(Whoa, okay. It's like some kind of high-tech crossbow. I think I like this gun thingy.)


Yikes. Let's see if I can squash that bug, then.


I'm not really sure how to explain it, but I pointed my rifle at the bug, and I focused. Time slowed to a halt. I said to myself, Lizard Wizard, you're gonna shoot that bug and you're gonna shoot it again.


Then I did, time moving at a mudcrab's pace. Easy. It was exhausting, though. I wonder if that's a side effect of the jump?
What you just saw is V.A.T.S., or the Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System. You basically stop time, pick a body part or two to shoot, and queue up a few shots. The numbers indicate how likely you are to hit a given body part. Every shot you take in V.A.T.S. consumes AP, or Ability Points, which slowly regenerate over time. It's very handy, and I hope you like the way I handwaved it!


Good work! That's one less Radroach to deal with. Let's get a picture together. Capture the moment.
Get a what.


OHGOD TIMEFUCKERY.


Goats're on the what now?
The Generalized Occupation Aptitude Test. G.O.A.T.! Everyone here in the Vault takes it when they're sixteen. Helps to figure out what sort of job you'll have here in Vault 101 when you get a bit older. So, pay attention and try not to fall asleep.
Well, if you say so. Bye, Dad!


I think I'll poke around a bit before I go, though. Weird pictures.


Ooh. Can I take this?
Sure, go ahead. Not really my style anyway.


Just like the dialog says, bobbleheads are good for our skills! We'll have to be on the lookout for them.


Now what's this thing Dad's fawning over?


Huh. It's like a bigger version of my Pip-Boy. The information on it means nothing to me, but that's pretty neat. Dad said it was a computer, as in "Stop touching my computer and take your test."


Fair enough, Dad. Hey, wait a minute.


What's going on here?
None of your business, kid. Get outta here before you get hurt. If you mess with the Tunnel Snakes, you're asking for it. Got me?


Maybe you're right. We can deal with her later.
Lots of dialog trees have skill checks. In this case, we used our speech skill to persuade Butch to lay off Amata. I haven't chosen my skills yet, but I have a derived speech skill from my Charisma stat, as I'm using a tentative stat spread for the tutorial. We'll get a chance to change our stats at the end of the tutorial.


With that nonsense out of the way, we can take our test.


Just squeeze into our desk here, and fill it out. I didn't understand all the terms, but I think I did all right.


(I didn't understand a lick of that, but obviously the scientist is crazy. I'd get the fuck out of there.)


(An infection's the same no matter where you go. Medicine would probably be best.)


(The boy is obviously poor. Go easy on him, right?)


(No clue what baseball is, but I do have a certain aptitude for hitting things.)


(I love you, grandma, but if you've got one of those gun thingies, you can handle your own murders.)


(Can't open a lock? Pick it!)


(I said it before, and I'll say it again. Medicine. Note to self: radiation is bad.)


(Burglary is optimal. I get to keep my prized possessions and my knock-out drops...whatver those are.)


(He'd make me clean up the water, I'm not sure what a toilet is, THAT'S MY DAD'S MEDICINE YOU ASSHOLE TEST, and electricity is hilarious.)


(Is there a "none of the above"?)


Off you go to, Mr. Brotch, little form!


Could I be talking to the next Overseer? Stranger things have happened!
PLEASE no.
Okay, look. The test isn't always right. I like you, so just tell me what you like and I'll fill out the paperwork for you.


He slid me a small form with the aptitudes the infallible G.O.A.T. had determined for me.
I'm going to need a minute.

Voting time, goons and goonettes! You can each vote for three skills. We start out with a boost to each of our three tagged skills, but it doesn't determine our character so much as it did in Morrowind. Just starting skill bonuses.

BARTER is rather self-explanatory. Get better prices when buying and selling goods.
BIG GUNS determines our effectiveness and accuracy with heavy weapons like rocket launchers, flamethrowers, miniguns, that sort of thing. I wouldn't recommend it for the early game.
ENERGY WEAPONS are laser guns. Pewpewpew and all that.
EXPLOSIVES is good for throwing grenades, as well as laying and disarming mines.
LOCKPICK is just what it says.
MEDICINE lets us get more oomph out of our stimpaks and anti-radiation meds.
MELEE WEAPONS is all about, well, melee weapons of all sorts.
REPAIR lets us repair our equipment by using similar equipment for parts. For example, if we found another BB gun, we could use that to repair our current one. We could repair our stuff with a low repair level, but higher is better.
SCIENCE is used for some dialog tree checks, and lets us hack into computers.
SMALL GUNS determines our effectiveness and accuracy with common firearms like pistols, rifles, and even our BB Gun.
SNEAK is good for being undetected. We can pickpocket, and if we attack someone without being seen, that's a critical hit.
SPEECH is used exclusively for dialog tree checks, and it can be handy for that.
UNARMED is for fisticuffs. That said, there are a handful of weapons for the skill, like brass knuckles.