Part 99: Answer

_{content warning: suicide mention}

BGM: Powerless


07/09 (MON), Morning
Morning. I'm stricken with a sense of loss upon waking up. My alarm rings after I've spent some time staring at the ceiling. I've managed to wake up before it went off, somehow. I check my phone only to notice a message from Miharu. It's about the card she obtained last night.

Ro, huh? I wonder if he's Chinese...

He was that chubby old man, if I recall. I'm not sure what sort of life he led, but I can only assume he'd gone through his fair share. I send her Numeral VI's name as thanks. Her name was Chan. She was probably in her mid-twenties judging from her appearance, although her desperate plea for someone to help her stood out the most. Her life must have been at its highest point for her to react in such a way. Every single person has led their own lives. Sounds obvious, but I've come to appreciate that reality much more.

I get a follow-up text from Miharu as I'm thinking. “Finals start today. You ready?”

Bwuh...

I spew an unintelligible sound in response. Looks like she has more to say. “There's no need for us to rush since it's just us left. Let's get exams out of the way before we think about how to handle Divine Selection.” Both Alan and Federico were eliminated during last night's election. Miharu's right. We can take our time to think things through once we're done with exams.



Alan...

Curiosity gets the better of me, which leads me to do an online search of his name. His position meant that even Japanese news outlets would report on his death. It was labelled as a death under unknown circumstances at first, but now it's been chalked up to suicide.

There's no way he'd commit suicide...

Anyone who knew him would agree. His death occurred two months ago now. It's too late to try and do anything about it. Not like anyone would believe me if I did. It's not like it affects my life in any way, but it still frustrates me. Alan expected things to play out this way, though. That means there's a more important issue to consider.

Amrita!



Per the contents of his will, the position of CEO will be taken up by the late CEO's younger sister. Apparently there were plenty of arguments over it, but she got appointed in the end. She even changed her name to Amrita Scorpion to carry on his legacy and is working hard with the support of others. I guess people aren't thrilled with this show of nepotism, judging by the comments on the articles themselves. Doesn't matter. I know she'll forge a path ahead without giving haters the time of day. There are photos of her in the articles, too. You can tell she's still young, but she certainly is gorgeous. I'm not really sure how we're similar, but I can now take pride in Alan's claim that we are.

Okay...

Time to move on with my life. I've decided to put reading the diary on hold until I'm done with finals. Much as I want to finish it, I'd rather not come across something important right now. It'd kill my ability to focus on studying.

I enjoy a nice big stretch and then get ready for school.

…...

BGM: At Amecha Girls' University High School


07/13 (FRI), Noon
Free at last!

An arduous five days of exams finally come to an end. The time spent at school was short due to each day being limited to two subjects, but that didn't make it any less grueling. Miharu and Naomi made sure to drag me to the library every single day, too. The risk of me not studying was just too great. Sure, I started late, but I definitely didn't spend any less time studying than anyone else. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good about the results this time around. The price I pay in return was a dear one, however, leading me to sprawl out over my desk the moment I hand my last exam in.

I'm exhausted...

All we have left for today is homeroom, so now I've got to wait for the teacher to arrive. I sense Mao approaching... She's probably noticed that I look like I'm dying.



You sure look beat.

I am. I haven't studied this hard since our entrance exams.

That's an issue in and of itself...

A monkey could've gotten better grades than you before these finals.

Savage...

The first half of my first year went well enough thanks to what I learned while studying for entrance exams, but it's been downhill ever since. I can't even offer Mao a witty comeback when even she's been outdoing me. What did I even do with my time? It's not like I had the store to worry about or anything.

You did go all out this time, at least.

Yeah, so please... lemme rest...



No can do, princess. Right, Miharun?

Indeed. Apparently the four of us are going to karaoke after school.

Uggh... I take it Naomi's coming as well?

Yup! You're opening the store tomorrow, so we gotta go crazy today. We never did get to go after the culture festival, so now's the time to make up for it.

The culture festival... Oh, right. We couldn't go due to Naomi getting injured from the “accident” that happened back then. That's how the events were rewritten. Mao had something planned for the week after as well, but nothing came from it in the end. This might just be the best time to cut loose, then. But I'm still exhausted...

L-Lemme rest...

I made sure to keep it a secret so you could focus on studying. I'm on your side here, but we'll have to convince Mao first.

That sounds more exhausting than just going...

Oh, well... Talking Mao down when she's raring to party is too much of a hassle. It's been a while, so I guess I'll have fun.

…...

BGM: Regular Ordinary Girlish Chat


07/13 (FRI), Night
Ugh, my throat's killing me...

Same here... Where do you get all that energy, Mao...?

Going to bed nice and early did the trick!

You made sure to study as well though, right?

...I do not comment on rumors and speculation.

We end up staying at the karaoke place until seven, which is when free time ends. After grabbing some food, we make our way to the nearest station. I haven't gone all out like this in a while.



I'd be lying if I said that wasn't fun.

...Likewise.

I whispered that to myself, but even so, Miharu chimes in as if to say she heard me. Mao went wild even when she wasn't singing. Naomi actually had a pretty good voice when she overcame her shyness. Meanwhile, Miharu outright refused to sing. My voice was completely forgettable, but for some reason, Miharu kept taking pictures and videos of me. She tried to be sneaky about it, but it was hard not to notice. At least I know the reason why.

Miharu approaches and tugs ever so lightly on my left sleeve.

...Oh.

Mao takes immediate notice and grabs Naomi by the arm.

Hey, Naorin, I think I left my phone back at that place.

Weren't you using it just a second ago...?



You must be hallucinating. So hey, mind coming with me to get it? Rinny and Miharun, you two can head home first.

Th-There's no need to drag me...!

Despite her pleas, Mao drags Naomi back along the path we were just walking. It's just Miharu and me at the station. There's no need to wonder why, either.

...Can we go somewhere else for now?

Sure. How about Tokyo Tower? Just like our last night out together.

The park where we first met might've been more appropriate, but it's closed at this hour. Both of us figure that we should avoid Lion House, too. That's why it feels right to go back to where she confessed.

…

BGM: Two Crossing Paths -S/I V/S-
We don't say anything on our way there. We just stand side by side, taking in the sounds of the train carrying us to our destination. It gives me time to sort my thoughts out. I'm aware that I've made her wait far too long. Two whole weeks and four days. That's how long I've put it off. Her decision to not rush me for an answer also means she's had to spend all that time worrying about it. I have an obligation to answer her now.

Maybe that's not the right way to put it. I just need to be honest with her. About how I feel at this moment. That's why I spend most of our journey thinking about my answer. Well, I've already settled on the answer itself. I just gotta figure out the right way to tell her.



Our silence continues until we reach our destination. Tokyo Tower really is lovely when it's all lit up. It feels like a different experience in summer compared to spring. I'm not quite sure how to kick the conversation off with Miharu. I decide to just roll with the first thing that comes to mind.

So... let me apologize for making you wait this long.

...It's fine. Mao told me it'd take you some time, plus there was Divine Selection and finals to worry about. “I promise. You'll get an answer, no matter what. Just... uh, give me some time to think it through! Um, please?” ...I was prepared to wait when you fumbled your way through that answer upon my confession.

Seems like she remembers exactly what I told her. Hearing it repeated like that is embarrassing.



I should mention something as well, actually. It was all Mao's idea for us to be alone after our day out.

I figured as much.

But, well... i-it's true that I've wanted to hear your answer as well.

Of course.

Miharu tugging my sleeve was her way of saying this is something she sincerely wanted. She must've been overwhelmed with emotions when she did so. Worry. Hope. Anxiety. Now I better understand all that she's been going through compared to before.

There's something else I need to tell you, but it might take a while. Are you okay with that?

...Yeah. Go ahead.



It's about the contents of my cause of death card. I want you to know about the events that led up to my choice to take my own life. It's unfair of me to expect an answer from you when I'm still keeping secrets. So I want you to make your decision after hearing about me at my worst.



Don't respond just to my confession, but answer whether or not you can accept someone as horrible as me.

Sure, although I should make one thing clear. I'll never think poorly of you, no matter what. I won't hate you, nor will I reject you. That just won't happen.

Miharu nods in response. I feel that this goes without saying between us nowadays. If Miharu's willing to open up, then she will.

All I need to do is listen.