Part 1: Page 1: Paradise Lost

Page 1: Paradise Lost


Click to watch the intro!


ODEKA ke CHOCOBO

Welcome to the title screen of Chocobo Tales! That cute little Chocobo head will follow your stylus around when it's pressing on it.



Flicking it up leads us to our save file screen. We're going with the traditional Boco, though Booko is an acceptable portmanteau and I may use it when I'm not paying attention.



This menu screen will be important later on (once), but for now, let's jump into the story!


Chocobo Village

Welcome to the Chocobo Island. Meet the top screen; you'll see him once or twice more and not often.



That's because almost all of the action takes place on the bottom screen. Everything is controlled by the stylus, with the choice to use A and B to continue dialogue.



Meet our protagonist, Boco. Like all good JRPG protagonists, he begins asleep. Truly, Square Enix are masters of innovation.



Shirma is one of the Island's caretakers, and the resident White Mage. She's a good person who truly wants the best for the Chocobos.



That....seems ominous. I sure wonder if books are predominant in this game?



Alright, we have control! Boco follows where the style is pressed relative to his position. That is, if you press to his top left he goes to the top left. It's not like where you press a spot and he walks to that spot. You talk to be people by walking up to them and tapping them.



: When story time's over, do you think it'll be time for lunch?

Like so. Chubby is the stereotypical big guy who loves to eat. He loves two things: eating, and eating. Well, I guess that's really one thing. But he really loves it.



: Luckily, my grandpa was taking his morning nap, so I was able to slip out.



: This is gonna be so boring! (Oh, man! I'm stoked!)

If you don't recognize Joe's character as the archetype of "cool guy who's a kid at heart" I don't know what to do.



No, you can't leave. This game isn't very good about the railroading it tries to hide - at least, not at the beginning.



Oh no it's the book of doom and we're all going to die and it's a dog and

: It's called "The Adamantoise and the Cactuar."

Oh. Never mind then.

: Once upon a time, there lived cactuslike monsters called "cactuars" and--

???: Hold that thought, Shirma! Heyyy, everybody!!!

We have a gatecrasher! Just when the story was getting good, too.



Meet Croma. He's kind of dumb. He's a Black Mage, and he helps Shirma take care of the Chocobos.

: Silly Croma. You and your picture books!



Well. That's uh. Certainly something.

: Croma, it looks like that book has an eye...

: I do have an eye for books, I know. It was on sale at a desert bazaar. I had to have it the moment I saw it! Just feel that leather binding!



You might not be able to tell from the screenshot, but that book blinks. Yeah. This book isn't good news.

: Did that book just...move?

: For sure! We're all going to be moved by this exciting epic! Anyway, let's get this show on the road and start reading! Hey! It won't open.

Oh no, what a shame we won't be able to read the EVIL BOOK OF DOOM. Croma, did you not read the Chapter title?



This reminds me of a puzzle...

: How do you get this open? Can somebody help me out? Boco, you're good at this kind of stuff, right? Come over and take a gander at this thing...



Well, nothing I can do will stop this.



Might as well check it out. Note the lock on the back:


Unlocking the Book

It's our first Minigame. Most of this game's difficulty comes from Minigames. This being the first minigame, it's not hard, of course. It's a simple slider - get the red dots to match the image at the top. After not getting it for a while, the solution pattern scrambles.


Sealed Book

Huh. Ominous music, a book that's probably alive...maybe this can still turn out okay?



FUCK. We're on a train and it's going to take us to doom. A Doom Train, if you would.

: "I am Bebuzzu, magical tome of the darkness. The seal binding me has been undone at last by Boco." Holy haberdashery, Boco! What's your name doing in this book!?

Haberdashery? I didn't know that was a word. Hang on...

The Dictionary posted:

hab·er·dash·er·y
/ˈhabərˌdaSHərē/
Noun
The shop and its goods and wares of a haberdasher.

Learn something new every day. Does this qualify as an informative LP now?



: Lemme see... I lost my place... "Boco is the Herald of Bane!"

No, no, he's the Chocobo of Legend! Get it right. Though now I see Boco with Bane's mask on and it terrifies me slightly.

: Croma, close that book! Don't read another word!

For reference, that's about two screenshots after she told Croma to keep reading.

: "Behold the true splendor of Darkmaster Bebuzzu!" I paid good money for this book... Who wrote this cheesy tripe!?

True splendor? That's not good. Unwinnable boss fight ahoy!



....or, not. The book is a dog?



Yeah. It's a dog.

: Look, it's alive! But how is that..."true splendor"?

: Didn't it say "Darkmaster"? Looks like some kinda slobbery dog.

: CURSES! How-bow-wow strange... It must be the crystals... But this body is more than enough to seal all of you!

Of COURSE there are crystals. It's a Final Fantasy game. What did you expect?



That's actually somewhat intelligent for a villain to do. Immediately stop anyone who could possibly pose a threat.

: Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Mwaaa-ha-ha-ha!

Oh, Bebuzzu. Never stop being you.





By the way, Boco is in neither of those shots. He's apparently buggered off somewhere else to hide.



Not that it would help him any, because Bebuzzu sucks up everybody.



Well, everybody except Boco, Shirma, and Croma, who are just kinda standing there watching this.

: (Gulp!) Now that was a mouthful! I guess they DO taste like chicken! Until the woman with the blood of darkness arrives... I'm gonna book it for now!



Bookdog away!

: This is terrible! Where did everyone go?

Oh, for....You watched them get eaten. It happened not five feet from where you're standing.





What's this? A card, with a Chocobo on it? We're collecting cards, guys. This is a new low, even for Square.


Chocobo Village

Cards are also zombies, apparently. How could it hurt us? Give us a paper cut if we're not careful?



Shirma and Croma won't be any help, so we're doing everything by ourselves. Again.


Victory Intro

Poking the card makes Chubby pop out. Go team!


Chocobo Village

: Chubby!? Wh-what happened!?

: Bebuzzu sealed me up inside that chocobo card!

You know, I'd say it was more of a page than a card, given Bebuzzu's book motif.

: He needs some rest. I'll take him inside.



Yes. That is what he said. Good job, Ms. Exposition parrot.

: The same thing must have happened to the others, too. We've got to rescue them!



Yeah, we'll get right on that.

Next time: But thou must!