Part 4: Page 4: Inferno

Page 4: Inferno

Oh my, Chubby. Oh, my.


Mt. Gulg

Thanks to Chubby being amazing, we can access Mt. Magma. I wonder if it's dangerous at all...



Eh, probably not. We have two things to grab now.



Oh god, Boko looks so SAD in this screenshot



Apples work the same as that water pool, except as a one-time use.



I found this little trinket while Bebuzzu had me birdnapped. It's all yours!



Oh hey, this is what that Jailbird didn't want us to have. By touching the magnifying glass icon when we're in a book, we can see the requirements to unlock stuff.

I think it's pretty special. Bebuzzu was looking for it, too. He said you need it to find all the secrets inside the picture books. Me, I prefer my secrets edible...

Thanks for that, Chubby. Hey, what's that behind us?



Oh, that's what that is. Now taking bets on what the next book is going to be.



To the right is progress, because there's nowhere else to go and that apple told me to find a new book.

And we must always listen to apples.

Hold it right there!

Fuck.


Irma's Troupe

I'm Peekaboo! And we see you!!!

Agh that was terrible

We're not lettin' anybody worm in on Miss Irma's plans! What plans, you ask? Well, I'll tell you! She's gonna use the crystal here on Mt. Magma to fully restore Bebuzzu. And the picture bo--

Agh that was worse. Though strangely obliging.

Greeble! I advise you not to speak so audibly of our plans.

Oh, jinkies! That sounds like... Mr. Volg!!!

I really want to find out who translated this game. Because I can't tell if they did an amazing job or a terrible one.



And yes, that is a Chocobo. With an Eyepatch. _{I'm naming him Volgin}

B-but, Mr. Volg! This banty really ruffles my feathers--

When the time comes, we will strike. For now, we depart!

Uh... Aye-aye, sir!

And they split. Well, that was certainly something.


Mt. Gulg

Oh. Oh no. Ohhhhhh, no. Fuck.


Move de Chocobo
Bomberwall

Welcome to the first Microgame, Bomberwall. I hate this game.



This doesn't look that bad, right? Wrong.



To play, you tap the screen where you need to go. Follow the arrows.



There are 10 panels to uncover in each round, and you need to uncover everything. If you don't, the crown won't light up and you won't go to the next round. The only safe path to follow is shown by the arrows - if you deviate from that path, you hit a bomb and everything blows up.



Now, for some reason the recording codec I used made the game lag a slight bit, giving me more time to react. So I got this first try.

MOTHER FUCKER



Mt. Gulg

For getting Gold, we get two cards. These aren't half bad cards, especially for just playing a Microgame.



Oh look, we found our next book.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

If you placed a bet for Jack and the Beanstalk clone, you win! You can get your GoonPoints* at the door.

_{GoonPoints are functionally valueless}

Anyway, Story Time!


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Leapin' on Leaves - Prologue

Once upon a time, there was a young boy who lived with his mother. One day, she asked her son to run a special errand, handing him some money. He slipped the gil into his favorite pouch, tied it around his belt, and started heading down the road. Just as he was beginning to hum his favorite tune, a group of pugnacious men slipped out of the nearby shadows.

For reference sake - pugnacious means "eager or quick to argue, quarrel, or fight."

"If ye favor those pretty ears on yer head, hand over all yer gil!" They were thieves! The boy could do nothing, and lost both his favorite pouch and his mother's money. After the thieves sped off, the boy noticed a small, peculiar bean lying on the side of the road. It sparkled with all the colors of the rainbow. The boy sighed and picked it up before heading home. After he told his mother what happened, she kindly replied,
"What's done is done, my dear son. Do not worry. Those thieves have been causing trouble for everyone these days. I'm just happy you made it back safely." Soothed by his mother's kind words, he headed upstairs to his room and flicked the mysterious bean out his window before going to sleep. It fell softly into the garden below. Overnight, something amazing happened! The bean gave birth to a gigantic stalk that towered high into the heavens above...





So this game isn't too bad. You just draw onto the touch screen and create bouncy leaves. This screen here is what you see from the magnifying glass - a list of everything you need to do to unlock stuff.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Leapin' on Leaves Versus 1

Let the games begin.



The game itself isn't too hard...on the DS. When it's being emulated, the middle section is cut off, and Boco just disappears. That can really throw me off, as you might be able to see by the video. It also doesn't help that the leaves themselves bounce you strangely.



I do win, with a large margin.


Victory

Okay, fine, maybe not THAT large a margin, but still.



For clearing Versus level 1, I've unlocked level 2 and a new epilogue. It's that time again...


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Leapin' on Leaves Epilogue - Magic Beans

When the boy reached the top of the beanstalk, he found himself at Titan's shrine! It was full of treasure beyond imagination. Back on the surface, the thieves were arguing fiercely over how to split their stolen stash. Stealing had gotten those nasty thieves nowhere.



The boy, once saddened by having his mother's money stolen from him, slipped into the sleeping Titan's vault and snatched a batch of magic beans, bringing up his spirits at last.

Like before: Epilogue 1, wherein everyone is a dick.



And oh joys of joys, we can procede.


Mt. Gulg

Hey, Mister Jailbird. What news do you have for us?

Kweee! Kweee! (Was the next turn a right or a left? What was I supposed to do in the book to blow up this wall? Miss Irma said I should jump into a book if I ever got lost, but how do I know what to do once I get inside!? If only I had that magical magnifying glass on me... Shucks!)

Fun fact: This Jailbird is actually named 'Lost Jailbird'.



Right below him is what I want to say is an active volcano. Anyway, we have a pitstop to the right of the beanstalk. We can actually cross over above the book, which leads to a cool place.



Nope, nothing to see here.



Oh look, another Microgame! This one is actually kind of fun.



We're playing Chicken with a turtle.



It's also a really cute turtle.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Cliffhanger

D'aww, wookat da widdle turtle.



D'aww, wookit da fawwing turtle. Sorry!



Mt. Gulg

For being amazing, we get two more cards. You may be noticing a pattern.

Jump cut to the Leapin' on Leaves book


Win Place Show Chocobo!
So the only secret we can do is battle mode 2. Let's get it, then.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Leapin' on Leaves Versus 2

I'ma get you.


Victory

Truly, I am the best.



Of course, we get a ton of stuff. We can access Battle Mode Levels 3 and 4, as well as trial mode and a new epilogue.


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Leapin' on Leaves Epilogue - Bombs Away!

The boy had climbed high up the beanstalk, and from the clouds, his house down below looked like a tiny bean. At that moment, the boy noticed something snagged onto the stalk. It was his stolen pouch! He opened it,[sic] up, but much to his dismay he found it to be completely empty.
Just then, a group of bomb monsters appeared, surrounding the beanstalk. "Titan's shrine is up above!" "We'll blast anybody who tries to get through!"



The boy realized that Titan was the one in charge of the thieves! He was behind the whole sinister scheme! The boy deftly dodged the incoming bombs and made his way to the temple at the top of the beanstalk. While Titan slept, the boy made off with as much stolen treasure as he could carry. He had to return it to the townsfolk! The bombs, true to their nature (and especially angry about letting the boy escape), self-destructed in a spectacular display.

Epilogue 2: The slightly better one.



And boom goes the wall. It's kinda nice that we're helping out a fellow chocobo - the Lost Jailbird is nowhere to be found.


Mt. Gulg

Well, that's progress.



Oh, for FUCK'S... is that MAGMA? How are we not DEAD!?

You're looking for more picture books, right? Let me help!



He makes a great sound. It's too bad you can't hear it.

Ho-ho-hwa! Me am behemoth! And YOU am not passing! With powerful cards, behemoth am Sulton of Smash! Captain of Crush! Prince of Pulverize!

Oh yeah? Well I'm the Duke of Destruction, so piss off.

Cards? What do you think he's talking about? More importantly, it looks like he wants to mangle us even worse than his grammar!



Well, nothing to do here. Let's go back to the book.


Gyshal Greens

Wh-what's that sound!?



'Tis the wandering pop-up duel master, Dueler X!

Set the table with finery.
Let us stop picking at our food!
Burning like the hottest Spice-a-Roni!
From out of the darkness comes the mystery Medafighter, the Phantom Renegade!
Wherever there is evil, the Pantom Renegade will be there!

Oh wait, shit, wrong game. Sorry!



Surely you jest, fair lady! Who would this "Mog" fellow be? I can tell from the admiration in your voice that he must be notably witty and handsome, however!

But you two look exactly alike! The cute little wings and everything!

Shirma, no need to be rude.

We have far greater things to worry about right now! A pop-up duel is the only way to get past that oversized, blabbering fiend!

What's a pop-up duel?

It's using cards to summon monsters that slug it out in your stead! I have something special here for you!



Aw yeah. We also get three Goblin cards to start off - Slap, Shout, and Rage.

That deck is packed with cards for you to use in battle. You'll bury that beast in no time!

'packed'?



Master the secrets of the cards, and one day you may find yourself as slick and refined as myself. Get over here and ask Mo--ahem!-- me any questions you might have!

That has to be Mog! He's not fooling anyone... Except for maybe himself!



I'll explain how to play this children's card game soon. Trust me on this one.

Next time: Culture. And video games.