Part 8: Page 8: The Jungle

Page 8: The Jungle

Yeah, The Jungle is about the meatpacking industry, but it fits, so sue me.


Legend of the Deep Forest

And right off the bat we have a microgame. Fun.



Move de Chocobo
Malboro Masher

What we've got here is Whack-a-Mole with poison. It's actually quite fun, especially once it gets ridiculous in the later parts of the stage.



So much fun! I actually like this microgame.




Anyways, on to our next bit of fun.


Legend of the Deep Forest

Whew! Finally caught up. Thought you might need my help. Whoa, there's a huge chasm here! Well, this bridge is as good a path as any.



Must we ERK! ? I don't like ERK!ing.



Well crap. This isn't good. What you missed was Croma getting stung by a needle. A gold needle, you could say, if you had no idea of the concept of irony.


Irma's Troupe

How could I forget all those memories? Titan and the Beanstalk, Adamantoise and the Cactuar...

Gwa-ha-ha! Bet your buddy didn't see that one coming.

Sorry to "break" it to you, but these are made from cockatrice claws!

Break is in scare quotes because it happens to be the spell that causes petrification.

Once you've been hit by one of these babies, you won't be able to budge an inch! Any last requests?

Uh-oh, Miss Irma's calling us. We'd better hustle.

Hmph! Looks like you won't be joining your friend just yet. Don't take our mercy for "granite," though. Peekaboo, trash that bridge! That'll buy us some time, at least.

Nice thinking, Greeble! You sure are one evil genius!



So...that was a thing.

Evil is so passe. I prefer simply being called a "genius."

I hate you, but I love your dialogue. And now for something I don't love...


Legend of the Deep Forest

Books!


Win Place Show Chocobo!

Welcome to the Unicorn and the Town Musicians. This is the first obscure reference used for a book, being based on Town Musicians of Bremen, as well as references to The Pied Piper of Hamelin.


Prelude
Unicorn and the Town Musicians: Mimic that Melody Prologue

Fuck me I have no idea how to pronounce Cait Sith aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Once upon a time, there was a mystic and graceful creature named Unicorn. One afternoon, he was relaxing in the forest as usual, when... "How boring!" He hadn't talked to anybody all day, and could barely keep his eyes open. In an effort to relieve the monotony, he started stomping his hooves on some rocks. Clop! Clop! Clop! His stomping soon took on a very catchy rhythm... "I know what I'll do! I'll head into town and play some music!" He headed off towards town at an easy gallop.
Along the way, he met up with Cait Sith, who looked to be quite the bored fellow as well. "There's nae a thing to do! Sitting in the sun doesnae help a bit, either!"
"Then let's start a band! That trumpet of yours will go perfect with my clip-clopping!"
"Sure enaff, I'd be glad ta join youse! I'm always up for a tune...or three." The pair started to improvise a cheerful air! Clop! Clop Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot!
After playing for a bit, they noticed that Chip the hamster was watching quietly from the bushes, with cymbals in hand! "Won't you join as well?" asked Unicorn. Chip nodded and then hopped onto Unicorn's head. Cait Sith took the cue and took a seat on the steed's back. Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! And so the musical trio made their way into town, playing a very catchy tune...



Win Place Show Chocobo!

It's a rhythm game. If you like Guitar Hero, it's nothing like that.



Our goal this time is 20 points.


March de Chocobo
Mimic That Melody Trial Mode

It's Simon Says. Just match up the notes played on the top screen on the bottom.



Jesus Christ are those SKULLS?


Victory

We've got ourselves 22 points because I'm a badass like that.



This is our reward for getting five points...



...and this for 20 points.



This book is somewhat unique because it opens to the top. Anyway, more mispronunciation of Cait Sith!


Prelude
Unicorn and the Town Musicians: Mimic that Melody Epilogue - Giant Turnip

Wait, giant turnip? The fuck?

Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! Humans weren't the only ones affected by the music of Unicorn and his friends. In the field, a turnip moved with the music and began to grow bigger and bigger! "Behold!" yelled one of the farmers. "That turnip is titanic! It will make a fine supper for us all! Heeeave ho!"
The farmers pulled on the turnip together, but the voluminous vegetable wouldn't budge an inch! Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! Unicorn and his band rallied up a crowd of townsfolk to assist the farmers. Even the stray dogs and alley cats came to help. Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! "Heeeave ho!" Keeping in time with the music, they kept on pulling at the turnip together.



At last, they succeeded! The turnip was finally unearthed! Afterwards, everyone enjoyed three hearty servings of turnip soup.

So. Uh. Giant turnip.



I have to see this. I just have to.



Well huh. That is a giant turnip.



Woo. Worth it for seeing the giant turnip. Anyway, back to the book.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

Our only option is Versus 2.


March de Chocobo
Mimic that Melody Versus 2

A lot less time-consuming than the Trial Mode.


Victory

Success.



All we get is an epilogue.


Prelude
Unicorn and the Town Musicians: Mimic that Melody Epilogue - Festive Mood

In recent days, the town had been suffering from a surge in crime, and the faces of the townsfolk were pallid and dreary. However, upon hearing the whimsical tunes of the musical trio, the adults stood up from their desks and left work. The children followed suit, laying down their pens and schoolbooks. Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! La-la-la-la-la! It was almost as if a festival had begun in the town!



Clop! Clop! Clop! Toot! Toot! Toot! Clang! Clang! Clang! La-la-la-la-la! The people, animals, and even trees of the village danced along with the music of the town musicians! There wasn't anyone left in the town with a dreary face.

Woo party

lets have a party



This tree is right above the Marlboro Masher microgame.


Legend of the Deep Forest

Inside is another god damn book. FUCK ME.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

Well, off we go.


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Scurry Down the Stalk Prologue

The boy had made it to the top of the magic beanstalk and into Titan’s shrine. The boy could hear the cacophonous snoring of the fiendish ogre rumbling through the dark halls. The boy gathered his courage and took advantage of the situation, slipping into Titan's vault and snatching some treasure. "I did it!"
Suddenly, the boy’s joyous moment was brought to a screeching halt. Titan had stopped snoring. "Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of a dead man!"
"Uh-oh!" Titan stormed after the boy with his bomb servants closely in tow. Would the boy make it back down the beanstalk in one piece?

Just saying: I smell the blood of a dead man is the best threat ever.



Win Place Show Chocobo!

I hate this game. I really do.



We can't do anything except this, so let's be about it.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Scurry Down the Stalk Versus 1

How did the beanstalk die so quickly? My lord. Anyway, this game is bullshit because you can't change courses very easily. It doesn't help that Titan climbs juuuuuust a little bit faster than you fall.


Victory

Fuck me I have to do this four more times



We do get what we wanted out of this.


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Scurry Down the Stalk Epilogue - Titanic Rage

The boy made it down the beanstalk at an incredible pace, with the townsfolk's treasure tucked tightly under his arm. Titan, moving at a frenzied, uncontrollable pace, lost his mighty grip in the vine. After falling several dozen stories, he smashed through the ground and fell deep below into the underworld, knocking himself out for weeks. The boy reached the town and returned the treasure that had been stolen by Titan. Everyone was overjoyed and a festival was held to celebrate!



Deep underground, Titan finally came back to his senses. He used the dirt and rock that surrounded him to build a new shrine. But whenever he remembered the day the boy had bested him, he would stomp and bang the floors of the shrine. Very few people know that this is actually what causes earthquakes.

Oh, so it's not tectonic plates sliding alongside each other? Good to know. Off to save Croma! The book closed the gap between us and Croma.



Oh, what now?

What happened to Croma!? I have to save him! Hang on, Croma! Esuna!

Wait, so Shirma is going to be useful?



How about that.

Who did this to you? How could anyone be so--

That would be me, dear. I gave the order, at least.



So you're Irma! I'm not gonna let you get away with this!

Shirma, you're more foolish a girl than I first thought. If your friend was stupid enough to get himself turned to stone, why bother saving him?

That's what friends are for! It's only natural, right?

Don't make me laugh! Only weaklings cling to the word "friend." If they're all so dear to you, then you certainly won't mind going down together, will you?



Well then. Alright, then.

Next time: another upgrade!