Part 12: Page 12: The Most Dangerous Game

Page 12: The Most Dangerous Game

So hey, we're in an old destroyed mansion.


Cry in Sorrow

There's even a book! Don't worry, it's not a minigame book.

Diary 1 posted:

...uary...5th...
The slight fever I've had for the last few weeks won't go away. I'm also coughing up blood... Maybe I should see a doctor?
Ma...22nd...
I'm feeling so much better recently! Today was Irma's eighth birthday. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to marry a handsome prince and have a big family. I just know she'll look lovely in a wedding dress. I must try harder to get over this illness so I can be there on that day...
Ap...rd...
My husband has been of awful temperament lately. I've asked him so many times about what's wrong, but he always walks away without answering.
...ay...21st...
He suddenly started talking in his sleep. "So that fould creature is inside me now!?" But what is this "creature" that he refers to? Is it the cause of his suffering?
...ay...28th...
How long has it been since Irma actually laughed or played like the child she is? Children are nothing more than a reflection of their parents. As long as my heart is besieged, her fragile one will be so as well... I know I have to try harder, but I can't even smile at myself in the mirror without being faced by a tired, powerless woman...

So this is the diary of Irma's mother. Irma used to be so nice and happy not evil... what happened?



This one is the book that fell from the ceiling thanks to one of the Titan epilogues.

Diary 2 posted:

...une...2nd...
When I arrived home, he was gone, and there was a letter: "Whatever you do, don't come looking for me." I searched all night, until the sun started peeking over the horizon again. But he was nowhere to be found. The chill made my fever break out again, worse than ever.
Ju...15th...
My fever has kept me mostly bedridden. Irma was helping me east lunch when she asked, "When is Daddy coming home?" I've never seen such a sad look in her eyes before. "Don't worry, he'll be back soon," I told her, but both of us could hear how much my voice shook.
Ju...16th...
Something wonderful happened today. While out searching for my husband, I found a small chocoling in the woods. He was severely injured, but after some loving care and warm milk, he was quick on the road to recovery. She's named him "Volg" and seems to have taken quite a liking to him. I can't believe she is actually smiling again. Her beautiful face is my most precious treasure. I must keep her smiling... There was one thing I didn't tell Irma. Next to Volg I had also found the body of what must have been his mother. Her body had been terribly slashed. Volg had a similar scratch on his beak. She must have perished protecting her child. I wonder if my fate will be the same...
Ju...17th...
I coughed up more blood today than usual. He hasn't returned, either...

So this is where Irma got Volg. That's...actually kinda sad. His mother was killed and he was injured...



So time for more exploration! This is upstairs on the left because, you know, you always go left first. Irma's room - a lot of the characters from the popup books can be found in her room.



Hey, isn't that...



Oh no. No no no.

Yeah, baby, yeah!



Gysahl Greens
Magic Pot Luck

This game isn't really too hard - assuming you have the benefits of being able to reload a save state. The order of correct holes to click are consistent in the same game, so reloading a save state at the beginning of the game means all of the holes are the same. Now, without save states, this game is nearly impossible. You have to guess the right hole 20 times to get gold; guessing right on your first try gets you an extra shot for your next round. Problem is, you have a 20% chance to be right on your first guess every fifth round. Hope you don't need to get 100%!



Wow, my screenshot timing was crap this session. Sorry, guys.

Prize!



Prize! Prize!



Thematically appropriate. We needed to unlock this place by playing Shiva and Ifrit.


Cry in Sorrow

The room on the right of the area is probably Irma's mother's room.



Like everything else, this place is empty and overgrown.


Chocobo Village

So hey let's have another mood whiplash and talk to Moggy.

Wait just a moment! What is that sparkling gem of an egg you'ev uncovered? You found it in a book, you say? Do you take me for a fool? My guess is that beuaty might look good, but it's probably a fake. Not worth a thing. Not even a gil or nine.

That egg is grade-A book goose egg, I will have you know.




Hey, didn't that goblin want one of these? Might as well help him.

Salutations and regards! You've made the right decision!



Well, let's go talk to that goblin. Maybe he'll give us a card for freeing him.

Oo-er! That's a gold needle, innit? What sod's ya pinch it from?



Cheers, thanks for helping, yeh?

When I first played this game, I was super impressed that this game had a 'trading quest'.



March de Chocobo
Tap Tap Trap

This game is so much simpler than the Magic Pot Luck one. All you do is tap around and try to find where the weak spot is. Really quick, really simple, really fun.



FADE OUT

Ohhh, well played, sir!



Oh? That's a three star card for a silver. Pretty nice reward.

Oo-er! Fine job there, innit?



I hope that this is what I think it is. I really, REALLY hope it's what I think it is.

Off to our next friend!


Chocobo Village

Yahooey! Danks for coming! I knew you would! Dat chocobo cawd was so dawk and scawy! I'm still seeing spawks! Da wowld is sooo bwight! Da blue sky... Da gween twees... And flowews all da cowors of da wainbow! I just wuv pwetty things!!!



That's right, she wanted something. Whatever could it be?

I wanna see a fiwefwowew! Its petals awe bwight and shiny, like a fiwecrackew! Dey used to gwow in da forest, but now dy are weawwy hawd to find!

You know that thing where if you type or say a word enough times, it loses meaning? I think the same thing just happened with the letter 'W'. Anyway, she wants a fireflower. We made one at the beginning of last update.



One trip to the forest later...

Wemme see! Wemme see! What? It's fow me! Yahooey! I'm gonna pwant it wight hewe! You'we da bestest of da gweat! Hewe, you can have dis!



Why would a kid like her have that?

I'm gonna caww you "Boco da Gweat"! Cuz you da gweatest!



Talk to da widdle guys if you wanna give da game a twy!

The world has suddenly lost all hope and meaning.



We've opened Pandora's box.



Welcome to the worst microgame there is.

Let the good times roll!



Gysahl Greens
Jelly Jiggler

Jelly Jiggler... where do I begin? First off, you really want to watch the video or everything I'm about to rage about is meaningless. I'll wait.

Still here? Good. Now, first off, the game relies on the touch screen controls not being crap. This is a bad reliance because it means that half the time I lost because the screen just crapped itself. Secondly, HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL. The game is ridiculously hard for wanting you to juggle three separate balls in the air. If I had one more paddle? Doable. But with just the three separated by 120 degrees, there's literally nothing I can do if the balls are apart by 90 degrees. What am I supposed to do there? The answer is NOTHING. This game is terrible because the balls don't even MOVE at the same speed! The red one is almost twice as fast as the blue one. How does that make me able to juggle the balls? The red one bounces off my paddle, and I have to save it while the blue one is trundling over the edge! HOLY SHIT this game is terrible. I'll say without a shred of shame or regret that I abused emulator rewinds here. At the end, when I had 57 points? So close to losing. The blue one fell off but I hammered the rewind button until it worked. If you have a problem with that FUCK YOU you didn't spend four hours trying to beat this goddamn game.

Fuck.

5/5 would play again.



Nice jiggling! Your slippery silver score's worth a globby gift. Don't shirk!



Silver is easy.

Extreme jiggling! That gooey gold score hit the gelatinous jackpot! Nice glob!



Jerry not in the fucking mood for your stupid voice tick.

Ugh. I can't take any more of this.



There. That makes me happy.

Next time: NO FUCKING JELLY JIGGLER.