Part 8: A way too fucking massive update that is cut short with a comic

Chapter 7: A way too fucking massive update that is cut short with a comic

Welcome back to Let's Play: Final Fantasy. There are many things to be done, and they will be done today! But first, let's visit this little cave up north. Rumor has it a witch lives here


This is Matoya's cave.


It is populated by some pretty sweet music, and some dyslexic brooms.


: Ugh, what a shithole, who decorated this place? A blind person?


In RPG tradition, we raid this bitch's place before saying a word to her.




: Wow, do I feel like a jerk.


If you take the advice of the brooms in Matoya's cave by pushing B Select on the world map... you get a map... of the world map...


: I'm tired of constantly taking damage for you fools, get your own protection.


: Sweet, copper bracelets for everyone!


: Aw, that's not fair, how come Medi gets the silver weapons first?
: Because he is, pathetically enough, our designated powerhouse until you learn not to suck.


Fire 2 and Lit 2 are the first offensive spells that hit all enemies. Handy. Lok2 works opposite than intended: It's supposed to decrease enemy evasion by 20%. It instead increases it by 20%.


Cure 2, however, doesn't heal the entire party. That's Heal's job, and it has the strength of a cure 1, just for everyone. Harm 2 works like Fire and Lit 2, however.


Pure is the handiest thing ever, curing poison. Aice, Afir, and Alit all increase resistances to their respective elements. Amut is supposed to cure silence, which I suppose would be handy if ANY ENEMY IN THE GAME HAD THE MUTE SPELL (they don't)


These are self explanatory. Fast, however, is one of the best spells in the game, nearly doubling damage by doubling the number of its. And it actually works, unlike temper and saber.


Well, things haven't improved in Elfland. I guess it's true that you can't ignore your problems.


: Let's be honest with ourselves here. You guys don't have much of a defense. You don't even have locks on your doors or doors on most of your rooms for that matter.


: That blind bitch didn't hook me up with anything!


Ditching Elfland and heading west, hey, there's a castle.


: This place was obviously built by the same inept architect that built Elfland.


: Remember the last time we talked to a guy wearing purple?
: It's cool. He's cool. Check out those statues, you can trust a guy with statues.


LIT2 Is a very useful spell, especially since we are sailing on a ship... you know, surrounded by WATER.


: EAT MY ELECTRIC FURY!
: Yeah, that's a bit much.
: Whatever, bitch.


: Hey look, it's land shaped like a dick! let's walk on it!
: Please keep your sexual orientation to yourself, thanks in advance. _blegh.


The power peninsula. Due to a bug in the game, enemies from the northern continent appear on the top four squares here. It's a great place to level up, but the monsters can wreck your shit fast. We're going to go to the Dwarf Cave instead...


: Hurray!
: Shut up.
: Aw, but I thought that's how they say hello, maybe...


Obviously living underground has severely impaired the social skills of the Dwarf community.


: Way to build us up only to tear us down, buddy.




: Why is it everywhere we go someone needs something, and waits and waits, with the chance that maybe some idiot will come along and get it for them!? I mean, the time spent waiting... you could just as easily go get it yourself!!


: Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. I'm getting really tired of this shit.


Frost wolves. A real pain in the ass when you get a group of them. Use FIRE2 and pray to god they don't cast FROST all at once.


Zombulls are incredibly weak to fire and harm, easy money. Trolls aren't weak to either, but aren't that strong anyway.


: What the FUCK, Medi. LEARN TO STAY ALIVE FOR ONCE.


Giants are probably the worst threat on the power peninsula. Not weak to anything, and they hit pretty damn hard.


They drop some decent shit, though.


[12:25:05 AM] PETOUX says: uh...
[12:25:12 AM] PETOUX says: there's a place that is a hole in the ground in some swamp
[12:25:14 AM] PETOUX says: what's that?


[12:31:53 AM] Oyster likes chicken. says: MARSH CAVE
[12:31:55 AM] Oyster likes chicken. says: DO NOT GO IN


[12:32:00 AM] PETOUX says: uh...
[12:32:01 AM] PETOUX says: oops


: Oh boy, a dead end!
: AGAIN!? That's it, get behind me, bitch. I'm leadin this trainwreck.


:That's more like it.
: You can't even use that. Give. Now.
: YOU HAVE A SILVER SWORD. Fine, but we're getting out of here to keep your ass alive.


: WHY CAN'T YOU ASSHOLES EVEN STAY ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO GET BACK TO TOWN? God, I have to do all the fucking work around here...


: We were bird watching. Don't ask. Just revive.


: Finally, I get to carry some useless shit around. About fucking time.


: If saving the princess wasn't enough to get laid, then maybe some shinies will do it....
: STOP. NOW.


Weak monsters, but good to have a little fun with...


A handy spell. Makes the enemies run away. Isn't always that effective, but when it works it's pretty awesome.


:Why. Are there bats. Fucking EVERYWHERE? I'm going to start torching these fuckers soon.
:Fried bats, you say? hmmm...has potential to be DELICIOUS!
:Ysee this orb thing I have? It's dark. It doesn't do anything at the moment. I can easily CHUCK IT AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD.


:What's this lute thing anyway? I almost want to play it.
: Do and die, motherfucker.
: Why are you so angry all the time?
: You try walking around with Pitu's hammer in your ass.
: Forget I asked...

This is where Petoux spent too much time biting her fingers off and forgot to screenshot the entirety of the last floor. We'll be back here later, but for now, we present you what happened in comic form: