Part 11: Une's Much More Awesome Than Doga

We stop by Gisahl to buy thirty more keys. I don't need that many, but they're ridiculously cheap for me now, so why not?

Fun Fact: You can't dive underwater in the Floating Continent.




This is under the Floating Continent. That weird rock formation isn't anything of note, it seems.



Anyway, rather than advance the plot, let's visit another optional area. Remember everybody talking about a secret underwater passage to Saronia's basement?







It's a pretty short dungeon.




Almost everything here simply attacks you, which means they're a joke against Stalin. At this point, I just stick with a shield in the front row. The Aegis Shield's agility boost results in me doing as much damage with one weapon as I would with two without it. Kenkos are a bit different in that they have a lot more HP, so they take three hits instead of two to die.



Mad Ogres can cast Break every so often. Break is the L7 version of the shitty Stone spell, except Break only requires one casting to work and is a pretty awesome instant death spell. Mad Ogres don't use it often, and it misses sometimes, so while they're not a huge threat they should still be first priority.



Also, there's Cyclops, but they don't do anything special.





Nothing too exciting here.




At the end is this guy. Remember him?

I actually warp out of here so I don't have to recollect the useless crap I already have and keep whatever levels I gained.



On the way back, I meet these guys. At least they didn't summon other assholes to join in.






Odin is just as tough as you'd expect.




He has a Slice All attack which would be scary if I weren't soloing with the experience of four people. A Hi-Potion won't cure it, but I could theoretically win a damage race against this kind of damage.



It's Odin's regular attacks that wreck my shit. Even the incredible tankiness of a Viking with a shield isn't enough to stop Odin's sheer badassery.



After another death or two, I decide to take Odin on later.








Our next destination is the Temple of Time, where we need to recover a magical instrument. Suck it, Zelda.



All the doors here are locked. Hope you brought some keys with you!



The enemies here are again those of the "throw physical attacks at the party" variety. They're laughably easy for Stalin.



Too bad the loot sucks.




Behemoths aren't nearly as terrifying as you'd think, at least for Stalin.

And to think people never bother with Vikings in this game.





FUCK MY FUCKING INVENTORY







There's no boss here, just the lute. Pretty simple stuff.






Une's Shrine is on the southern section of the Saronian continent. We could get here even with the Enterprise, but there's nothing to do while Une is snoozing.



Well, we could talk to Une's parrot, but eh.

















Une then proceeds to jump above her room and run circles around it. Then again, when you're asleep as long as Une, you'd probably have a ton of energy to burn off as well.



Une: I've been in the dream world up till now. It feels like forever since I've seen my room! Ah, yes, Doga told me about you in a dream. I can't believe Zande went and did what he did... Anyway. First off, we need to do something about that airship of yours. The Invincible can fly over mountains, so it should do just fine. It's up in the ruins to the north. Let's go!
Stalin: ...Huh?
Une: Whaddya mean, "huh?" Do you have a problem with having an old lady along?
Stalin: N-no, that's not it...!



Une's ten times better than Doga. While Doga made us go through a stupid mini dungeon for no reason other than to make the Nautilus "magically" go underwater, Une's making us go through a stupid dungeon to get a giant fuck-off airship.



Une: They'll get you past the statues guarding Zande's tower. There's one more, the Earth Fang, which we need the Invincible to get to. Now let's go!

She also gives us another fang that takes up room in our inventory, but this is actually a good thing.

First, let's talk to Une.

Une: The Invincible can travel over mountains. We can't get the Earth Fang without it.
Une: The Invincible was made by the ancients.



Remember these stupid statues that instantly killed us?



The Fire Fang destroys the first set.



Then we use the other two fangs. We still can't get up there without the Earth Fang, but on the bright side I no longer have those fucking piece of shit Wind and Water Fangs wasting valuable space in my inventory.



Anyway, let's go get a new airship.






The first floor has the standard enemy fare: brawlers that Stalin simply laughs at.





Une then proceeds to magic away the rubble. While we could come here before, we'd have nothing to do here besides fight stronger enemies and talk to those wussy scholars.



Une now has new dialogue, so let's chat.

Une: Zande didn't realize what a great gift he was given...
Une: The Earth Fang is in the Cave of Darkness, which is north of Amur and inside a mountain range full of holes.
Une: The four Fangs can destroy the statues Zande is making use of! Zande himself is in Shilx Tower, beyond the statues.

We get some info on a couple of future dungeons. We'll see the Cave of Darkness soon enough, and, well... let's just say it's one of the most ridiculous dungeons in the entire series. And this is the game where we spent two entire dungeons Mini'd.



A treasure encounter in the Undersea Cave, the Zombie D's are still no threat here.



Another one? At least they bring in the gil.



The second floor is actually a mini-town, complete with an inn and weapon/armor shops.





Nothing we don't already have.



This dungeon is also a fucking pain in the ass.



I fucking hate these guys.




Remember how I got railroaded by the Eater dickholes?



Same thing here. And what really sucks is that they can spawn with up to four of them at once, meaning I can be simply fucked. And Stalin sucks at running away, plus it leaves him open to get killed.



Like so. Thus, I need a new strategy. The two obvious ones are abusing a Thief's Flee option, and to switch to a Black Mage and kill these groups all at once with firepower. The second option has some flaws, and fuck running away. Let's try something different.



Meet the Geomancer. He attacks with terrain, which doesn't cost MP. My thinking was that he could spam the shit out of Terra, which should damage all enemies and wipe out entire encounters.




Stalin can't run away as a Geomancer, but if I wanted to run away I'd be a Thief.




Ick. That damage sucks.




Geomancers fight with bells. The damage sucks, with the back row not helping, but one of Stalin's bells has the ability to stun an enemy for two rounds, making Stalin a lot more survivable against single enemies.




So far so good. Now all we need to do is spam Terra on those blue monstrosities and get our fucking airship!



...You're kidding me. Wind is only a single-target attack? What the fuck!? GOD DAMMIT GEOMANCER, FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.



Now you can tell I'm desperate.



Bards have much different commands from other characters.




Scare is supposed to scare enemies into running away.




Sing is Fight, except with a Harp. It's pretty weak.




Cheer is supposed to boost attack or something.




There's also Eaters in this dungeon. Maybe Stalin can Scare them into running away so he doesn't have to fight them?





Fuck you, Bard.



Fuck it, let's go tried and true.




A bunch of purchases later, and I get a decent selection of spells for Stalin to use. Surely all three L3 spells, Bio, and Quake will be enough to take on this dungeon.




Saronia stocks rods, which boost their respective element. For some reason, though, you can't actually cast spells with them. How stupid.




Obviously, fire and the undead go well together.










Let's go over some spells now. The L3 elementals work as you expect. Kill is a fucking piece of shit and it didn't kill a damn thing whenver I tried it. Break, on the other hand, is fucking fantastic and worked pretty often. Just a shame it's only single-target and L7. Bio is a poison attack that works for enemies resistant to all elementals or whatever.



NUKE 'EM



Unfortunately, these fucking pricks are resistant to magic.







I can actually kill them all at once with three castings of Quake. Two castings and Bio won't even work. If anything, it may only kill one or two, and then I can't wipe them all out at once without Quake anyway. Trust me, I tried. And even with the level I gain here, I only have nine castings of Quake. There really is no easy way to deal with these fuckers in a solo game besides running away, is there?





There's some stuff for the BlackBelt and another fucking bell. I heal up back at the inn and make a rush toward the end.




Once I reach this level, I run into splitting enemies. They're actually much preferable to those summoning fuckers, especially right now.




Guess what doesn't trigger splitting?






Once we reach the end of the dungeon, we end up in this massive vehicle.






(Listen to this).

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just obtained the greatest airship in the entire fucking series.



Une: The B button will stop the engine and let you rest. To get going again, take the wheel. Got it?






That's right. This airship has shops (L7 magic, new weapons, Diamond and mage armor, and items), a Big Chocobo, and a free bed. It's almost like a luxury liner for our murder cruise.

Une: Doga's calling...
Bukhrn: What? You're leaving already?
Une: Yeah. You'll need to handle the rest by yourselves. First get the Earth Fang from the Cave of Darkness, then return to Doga's mansion. We'll be waiting for you.



Une got us the fucking Invincible, so I'm willing to cut her some slack.





L7 spells, some new and old weapons, and more Diamond/mage armor. They still expect you to be using Scholars?

You can tell I took these before I actually activated the Invincible do to being a Black Mage.



The Invincible's pretty slow compared to the speed of the Nautilus, but I don't care.





You know those annoying airship battles? The Invincible will launch a cannonball before every single battle to often the enemies up.





Plus it's the only airship that will fly over mountains, albeit only short gaps. Still, that's enough to get us to every single place in the game besides the area blocked by the Earth Fang statues.



Next time, we do some side questing for summons with our massive airship. It's better than doing that dungeon, anyway.