Part 30: Part Thirty: Home Invasion

Part Thirty: Home Invasion


Now that we have some brand new shoes, let's go beat up Goldor and get our airship back. Oh, and the crystal stuff, too.


Pictured: me going the wrong way down this river. Also pictured: the canoe, which I always forget about by this point. The last time we needed it was back after the Sealed Cave.




If you go this way, you can find the Water Temple and Cave of Tides again, but there's no reason to go back here. It might have been cool if you had to come back to the temple to actually get the Water Crystal jobs.


In this area, you can find Black Flans, which can use Bad Breath on you.


If you look at Golbez here, you can see some of the statuses that dumps on you. Frog, Silence, Blind, and Poison are pictured. Bad Breath is pretty ugly if it hits you, and it's also a bitch to cure at this point.



The only other thing of note around here is this waterfall, which you cannot canoe down.


To get to Goldor's place, you have to head south around the mountains and across the desert.


Remember Salamander? You can encounter his dumb-looking cousin on the way, the Vulcan. They're nothing special, really.


Almost 1,700. With about 20 hits, Sephy as Thief is really starting to hit his stride and come into real combat effectiveness.




I also get a new Terrain effect to come up as I travel across the desert. Cave-In just dumps a bunch of rocks on one enemy's head, doing a bunch of Earth-elemental damage.


Across the desert, you can see Goldor's house just across the shitty bog.


Seriously, look at that. That's a nasty bog.


Oh, and here's something ironic: Goldor's house is surrounded by mountains, the Enterprise couldn't even get us here, and we had other shit we were supposed to do, so if he hadn't gone after our airship, we never would have had to come after him.


It's made of gold!

We're already familiar with the music here:




Goldor Mansion is a big gold house full of locked doors.



Locked doors hiding big gold rooms with sweet fuck all in them.



This isn't a hard place to deal with, but it's pretty damn boring. I think it's worse in the NES version.



There are four rooms here. The only thing to see in them is these statues.



Oh, and Goldor's book collection. You can't read them, but I just assume they're all about gold.

Dude fuckin' loves gold.


So you might think this big open door is the way to advance.


You're wrong. This is a different room, but it's not the way to move on.



It's got this little dead-end hallway, but there's nothing to it.


There's another hallway in this room; this is the real draw.


See, there's treasure here.













Eleven Golden Swords.


And one set of Wyvern Claws.

Golden Swords, being made of gold, are useless as weapons. The only thing they exist for is being sold. Eleven chests full of vendor trash, essentially. Wyvern Claws are claws, so they're also useless as weapons, but for a different reason.

This is all the treasure in Goldor Manor, if you're wondering. Personally, I'd expect a guy with such a hard-on for gold to have some cash lying around.


Oh, and in case you're wondering about random encounters, here's one now. These horse guys are called Nightmares.


They die pretty good, and they give you quite a bit of EXP, too.


Gold Knights also hang out around this place.


I thought they were immune to magic, but Terrain seems to hit them just fine.


Last enemy in Goldor Manor is the Gold Bear. They're unremarkable.



Anyway, the actual way to advance is this little passage in one of the statue rooms.



It leads to this area, which is just a little corridor.


The next area, though, is a maze.


Big gaudy maze full of enemy encounters.


It's not hard with a guide, and the encounters aren't super dangerous, but there's no reason to actually explore it. It's fuckin' bland.


Now, I don't mind a big maze full of boring encounters. I like Persona 2.


But a big maze full of boring encounters and absolutely nothing else? That's just shitting on my face.


I don't like a maze that shits on my face.


This bit of the game, this whole questline with Goldor and the sewers and the four old men, just feels tacked on. It doesn't really add anything to the overall experience, you know?


Bluh.




Once you get to this long hallway/staircase, though, you're done with the place.


Just gotta pop into Goldor's bedroom and murder him now.


How much time do you think it takes to maintain that floor? Not just to shine it, but to get rid of the footprints that any human being would leave in it.



Hey, he does have a crystal. Neato burrito.


Dude, we're not trying to take it. We just want to talk to it.


No, bad idea. Come on, hoss, we can talk this out.


Oh, if you insist.



Goldor is not a hard boss.


To compare, this is one character's damage. He has 9,000 HP.


The dude does have one trick up his sleeve, though: he resists magic.


Terrain is not magic.


I have Kuja Jump just because it's more damage than straight attacking (not actually true right now, but eventually).


She crouches down a little...


...Then she launches into low orbit.





What a punk.



This is pretty one-sided. Goldor's a joke.



Goldor uses Protect after a while. Protect lowers physical damage, and he blocks magic.


Terrain is neither physical damage nor magic.


The final hit comes from a blinded Sephy.




Pound sand in Hell, Goldor.






These are all good things, at least.


Told you it was a bad idea to mess with me.

Goldor: Gah... Stay away, you! If I can't have the crystal...neither will you! Hah!

The fuck are you gonna do about it? Bleed to death at me?




Oh. Uh.

: He... He broke it!

Um.



Er.


There's the key, at least?


That's a good question, Kuja, and a teachable moment: I believe the technical term is "everybody's fucked forever".


After you fuck up at saving the world, what else is there to do?


I don't think it'll make much of a difference at this point, Golbez.



But whatever. Small victories, right?


I'm just gonna go ahead and use this Ottershroom because hey, we're boned no matter what.


Quick trip back to the Enterprise...




...And we're back in the air.

I am going to fly this airship straight into space. I hope this serves as a lesson to Light to choose someone qualified next time.

Mognet



Today, Cid tells us about how he took his new girlfriend out to eat a salad for their first date!