Part 58: Part Fifty-Eight: World of Darkness IV

Part Fifty-Eight: World of Darkness IV


We're back!


We're teleporting!


We're fighting some more shitty ninjas!


We're teleporting again!


We're getting one last Ribbon!


And we're fighting one last Xande Clone to do it!


I was so fuckin' sick of these guys by this point, so you know. I did the whole end of the game in one long stretch, and everything in it is really goddamn boring.


Golbez is the first kid to hit level 50. It's not really remarkable, but it is kind of interesting trivia.


Also not remarkable: this final boss path.


I don't know quite how it was laid out, but this whole "fight four big endgame bosses" thing was in the NES version as well, so I can't really fault the remake for adding it.


And honestly, it's not that out of place in a JRPG, but it feels worse here because the last two dungeons are one big long run and everything in the World of Darkness is so goddamn samey.


Bland or bad dungeon design was kind of a problem for all the NES Final Fantasy games, but I mean, that's kind of what a remake is for. You can do something new with things.


I'm sure you've gotten the point, but that's really what gets me about this whole thing. It makes the barest changes instead of presenting a really cool and awesome new Final Fantasy III for the twenty-first century or whatever.


The hallways aren't even elemental-themed when we're going to the bloody dark crystals.


Speaking of.


I, uh, yeah. Alright guys, you heard the thing. Ebb's gettin' stronger, we're done here. Let's go home.


That's only because there's no door.



So here's the last dark crystal guardian, Ahriman. 99,999 HP, guards the Dark Earth Crystal for some bizarre reason (according to the wiki, at least), flies.


You know what that flying means? It means this guy's weak to Wind.


Eat my ass, Ahriman.


Fucker.


I'll take this time to inform you that in the original, Ahriman had 35,000 HP. This fight would be over in two rounds.



"What does he do?" you ask me. Magic, physical attacks, what-fucking-ever.


Takes big damage from Jump, that's what he does. Write that down in your notes.


Pretty much the only interesting part of this fight is he petrifies Kuja because I forgot to give her a Ribbon.


These four idiot assholes are all stupid, and they don't even have an elemental theme. It's the easiest damn thing! Square already has the fuckin' elemental fiends from the first game! Bring them back! Fans eat that kind of shit up!



Kuja is now behind on levels forever.


I'd say something like "it's cool that these four Dark Warriors are all identical, just like the kids from the NES version of the game", but let's not shit ourselves.



I don't think that's quite right, but you know what? I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt, because he hasn't seen either of those things for a thousand years.


Haha what?


What?



They didn't even have a plot dump for this guy.



And then this just raises one more question: does this mean there were Light Warriors before there were Dark Warriors a thousand years ago? Which came first?


The chicken or the egg, jackass?


NEXT TIME: the final boss!