Final Fantasy IV: Advance and DS Part #16 - Update Sixteen: I Wouldn't Be Affected, Either!

Part 16: Update Sixteen: I Wouldn't Be Affected, Either!

Update Sixteen: I Wouldn't Be Affected, Either!

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, Cecil and crew went fucking around the world instead of getting the Earth Crystal to save Rosa. Today, we've got a shitload of ground to cover, so let's mosey.

Last time we hit Troia, we did a pretty bare sweep of the town.

We'll take a bit deeper look, than a look into the castle.

Over here, we find the kind of man who amuses people in this context, but would make them uncomfortable if he lived in your neighborhood.

There are some girls in the water and...Yeah.

Remember, Cecil, you're a man of the Light now. And that whole Rosa thing, too.

I should have known someone would call me on it!

We can walk this little channel through a good bit of the town.

You can see a Namingway over there, just chillin' in the water.

But we're not looking to talk to Namingway; nobody needs a new name.

Instead, in this little patch of greenery, this girl has some interesting information for us.

A Dry Ether is the souped up cousin of the regular Ether. If I remember right, it'll restore about three times as much MP. But, I hardly use the things, so I'm not the best source of info on them.

There's also a regular Ether over here, which will also probably never be used. Maybe I'll try and break that habit during this LP, though.

Over here, there's a Decoy; when used in battle, it casts the Blink spell. Blink creates several copies of a character and makes it impossible to hit them with physical attacks for a short time. Each hit will remove a copy, though.

On our way back out, Namingway has decided to be in the way. Thankfully, if you just walk into an NPC for a second or so, Cecil will push them out of the way so you can get by. Here, we just have to push Namingway to a spot where he can go left or right.

Keep in mind, this isn't a in-depth sweep of the town. There's one thing in here that I'll be saving for later.

Over here, we find what seems to be a dead body.

However, it's just a disgruntled sunbather, so let's scoot.

And that's the town of Troia in a nutshell. To the castle!

They've got some polite guards around these parts.

And, uh, frogs, too.

No dick jokes around the clerics; got it.

It's nice to see a populated castle again. Granted, Baron has people in it again, but Eblan is still fucked.

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Now I feel really bad about having to take their Crystal.

Oh, yeah, by the way, it's been nothin' but chicks in this castle so far.

I'm sure I could make a sexist joke about this, but since my favorite artist around these parts is female, I'll take the high road.

Must not make fun of women...

...Cecil, I have trouble believing you asked this lady for a dance. I bet it was Cid, that old dog.

Into the Cleric's chambers!

These guards range from informative to making broad generalizations.

These are the eight Clerics of Troia; they're convening, but they don't seem to mind someone bursting into the room.

...Aw, hell.

Yep, I was afraid of hearing something like that.

Say hello to the gimmick of the next dungeon. It's pretty infamous and a lot of people, myself included, don't like it a damned bit. When you see it in action, you'll see why.

You and I are going to have very different definitions of "lend" by the time this is over, ma'am.

See the above caption.

As far as I know, this is the only thing we ever learn about what the Crystals actually do. In Final Fantasy V, for instance, we learn that the Crystals play a very important role in keeping the world going, but in this game, this is all we really hear about them.

It's kind of an interesting thing to me, as these Crystals are obviously important to the world, but how? What do they do? Why does Golbez need to collect them all? How did the nations who have Crystals receive them?

Anyways, we heard word of a Damcyan man claiming to be a prince around these parts.

Let's go check up on those rumors.

Yep, there he is.

He can get up off his bitch ass and come help; Leave got washed up in Baron, brainwashed and beat the fuck up by Cecil and three mages and he still joined the party right afterward.

We head around the corner and everyone but Gustav gathers around the injured Champ.

Cecil, you've been asked to keep your voice down and he's resting. Stop fucking yelling at him.

We'll pass on that, Champ, thanks. Though, Gustav did join us at Champ's revival.

Gustav has a good point there, Champ. You're in no condition to be trying to run with these big dogs.

Champ, he already kicked your ass once. He's remembered all of his spells now, too, so I wouldn't go bringing something like that up...

Champ, you're such a maroon.

It's almost like Gustav is contemplating which spell to put Champ down with.

I think you're about to atone with an eight foot long icicle up your ass.

Thankfully, Leave is on hand to end this before Gustav decides that Golbez might not be worth the Meteor.

This also means that Champ is not coming with us.

I don't.

Cid, who's been lying to you? Was it Cecil?

Because I'll get Leave to slap the taste outta his mouth.

This seems like a good trade; pansy-ass prince traded for a badass engineer and an airship.

The one and only, Champ.

Sharp as a brick, isn't he?

Funny thing, that, Champ. That's actually the only reason why we're in Troia...

: Troia's Crystal. But the Crystal lies in the hands of the Dark Elf.

You can actually come here first and have this conversation with Champ before talking to the Clerics and finding out that Dark Elf even exists. In that case, Cecil apparently uses Paladin-Telepathy™ to find out about Dark Elf and that he can "borrow" the Crystal.

...Is going to get his ass kicked in this update.

Y'know, I was trying to think of a way to sass Cecil here and I just imagined Legolas in blackface.

Laying in bed, injured and not moving? I couldn't agree more.

...Oh. If you'll remember what that little girl told us earlier, now we can listen to Champ's crappy playing from anywhere in the world!

You don't have to worry about that, Champ.

That's right, he's a male nurse and the actual doctor is a lady. Someday, if things go the way I hope they will, I too will be a male nurse.

Translation: Champ is a pussy.

And here's Champ's harp. That just above covers it for Troia Castle; there's one more area, but I can't do much with it until after the next dungeon.

And since the cave we need to hit is magnetic and we can't use metal gear up there, we've got to go shopping.

Cecil and Cid get Feathered Caps and Leather Garb, as Gustav and Leave both have better things.

Everybody gets a Ruby Ring, as Silver and Mythril hand armor just won't do. There are a couple of free Ruby Rings inside of Troia Castle, but meh. I can afford these, so it's not really a big deal.

That defense score isn't wonderful, but it'll do.

As will Cecil's. I'll also be getting him a Great Bow and sticking him in the back row. Anyone who isn't Rosa isn't exactly wonderful with bows, but all those Holy Arrows I bought in Agart will come in handy, as quite a few monsters are weak to Holy in the upcoming cavern.

Fire and Ice aren't really resisted in the next dungeon, so I swap Leave's claws around, as they're not affected by the magnetism.

Cid, too, can use a bow, but I prefer him using a Hammer.

Thankfully, the Mythril Hammer isn't all that much more powerful than the Wooden Hammer, so Cid doesn't lose much on his attack power.

Cecil's in the back row, where his tankiness can be put to better use than normal; if something hits him, he's going to only take a smidgen of damage, plus he'll be able to deal out full damage, as he has a bow.

We can't take our airship to the cavern, so we've gotta find an alternate means of transportation.

Thankfully, just north of Troia, such a thing exists.

Inside that little forest right there is a Chocobo Forest.

The Chocobo to the right there is the one we're looking for.

For those of you who thought the Black Chocobo originated in Final Fantasy VII, you're just a bit off the mark. Plus, this Black Chocobo is better than that one. Why, you ask?

Because this motherfucker flies!

Now, it can't go over mountains, but that's okay. We're flying, bitch!

This is why we can't use our airship to get up here. It can't land in forests.

Black Chocobos can only land in forests.

We're going through this entire dungeon in one swoop. This place isn't a whole lot of fun, so I want to be done with it.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my most hated dungeon in this game.

As soon as we set foot in, a dark green color comes over everything.

In case you missed it the first time, equipping metallic items is a no-go. What Cid says here about it just slowing you down is absolute horseshit, too. It straight up paralyzes your ass, no matter how little metal a character is wearing.

Thankfully, Leave's claws aren't affected a damn bit.

And neither is Gustav's magic, so he can blow everything away with impunity.

Anyways, we're now free to explore. There's a good bit of treasure around here, and I'll be grabbing as much as I can.

As the random encounters around here can be kind of brutal.

As you can see, the enemies here hit pretty damned hard. Granted, our equipment isn't exactly up to snuff, but still, nearly 200 damage is a good bit.

The Cait Sith there only has 342 HP, by the way. They're weak to Holy, so Cecil can potentially drop some good damage on them, but Leave is such a beast, he doesn't need to exploit weaknesses.

It's also a good thing that Leave one-shot that Cait Sith, as they will counter with Blaster. You may remember the Coeurl doing that, too, and its ability to inflict either Paralysis or Instant Death; the Cait Sith's counter is the same.

Ogres have 865 HP, as well as a weakness to Holy. Being weak to Holy is a pretty common thing in this dungeon and something I didn't actually know before this playthrough.

Remember, Cecil sucks noodles with bows. Leave won't actually do that much more damage than Cecil here, so giving him a Great Bow and some Holy Arrows is a good way to keep Cecil relevant in this dungeon.

Ogres also hit really Goddamned hard, as you can see from what that one did to Cid.

This is our first bit of treasure for the dungeon. It could certainly be worse.

Hell Needles are new, too. They're wandering around the Troian area, as well as Mythril, and have the same Needles counterattack that the other spikey rats do. Aside from dealing triple digit damage, there's nothing notable about it or the Hell Needles.

Here's Cid's Study command in action; he whips out a little magnifying glass and examines an enemy.

It reveals an enemies current HP/max HP.

Along with any weaknesses the enemy may have. It doesn't list out what they resist or what they absorb, though, so it's kind of useless. Plus, Cecil or Gustav can do the same thing for just a few MP, so Cid was kind of shafted on abilities.

A lot of the enemies here are also pretty good targets for Osmose, so feel free to let Gustav tear enemies apart with his third level spells.

So far, this place might not look too bad.

If you know what you're doing, it really isn't that bad. Sure, the gimmick sucks and the enemies are kind of tough, but it's entirely possible.

This place is pretty fucking massive, though and those encounters last the entire time.

It's just more of a slog to get all the way through it, really. It's also a pretty straight-forward dungeon without a lot of side paths to take, so there's no short and easy way to get in and out; you've gotta trek through the entire thing to get to the end.

And not all the treasure is that wonderful, either.

But, we're already to the second floor.

And to another new formation of enemies.

Three Ogres isn't an uncommon encounter down here, which can be bad if you're back attacked.

Since you can Osmose a ton of MP from these guys (I snagged over 60 MP from one of them using Osmose), it's not a bad idea to blast them with a powerful spell.

The only bad thing about doing that is that they have enough raw HP to survive it, but Leave and Cecil can easily mop them up after that.

Unfortunately, Cid can't really do that. Sure, his Strength is sky high, but his Agility is just so fucking terrible he can't really keep up. Agility also factors into how many hits someone gets per attack, so Cid might have better Strength than Cecil, but he won't hit as many times, because Cecil is faster than he is.

Of course, Gustav still can't hit worth a shit, as his low Strength and Agility (plus he was probably around when dirt was invented) don't lend themselves toward physical strikes, plus the low attack power of rod and staff weapons to begin with.

However, that doesn't mean that he can't kill an Ogre or two.

This Ether is mighty kind, as there's a chance you've been relying on Gustav quite a bit more than you thought you would.

Though, there's nothing wrong with that. Gustav and Leave are definitely the MVPs of this dungeon, as Leave's weapons aren't affected by the magnetism. It's really hard to find something to do with Cid and Cecil in this dungeon, other than letting them be meat-walls and heal bitches for Gustav and Leave.

I could have crossed that bridge to go up here, but eh, I'm feeling like taking a walk.

This is one of very few side rooms inside this place.

It's not free from encounters, though.

However, this encounter isn't anything to get excited about.

The Mind Flayer might sound all scary and stuff, since the name kind of implies that it's going to tear your head open or something, but they're just kind of pathetic.

They only have 300 HP and I think they can inflict Paralysis and Sap on your people, but in my experience, they die quickly enough that it's okay to forget they even exist. They drop one interesting item, but that's another matter for another time.

They're also terrible to Osmose MP from. I'm not 100% sure how Osmose works, but I think it has something to do with the target's Magic Defense; the higher it is, the harder it is to suck any appreciable amount of MP from them. The Mind Flayer has a Magic of 0 and a Magic Defense of 22, so I think that's how Osmose works, but I could very well be entirely wrong.

There's another Ether in this room and...

...2,000 gil. Not the greatest treasure, but I'll take it.

While double-checking the room to make sure I had gotten everything, I ran into some more new enemies.

Both of these new enemies are complete jokes.

They don't hit very hard and the only notable thing I can think of from this fight is that the Cave Naga will counter any magic that hits it with Slow.

The Twin Snake is weak to Ice and Holy and has a laughable amount of HP.

It has 108 HP. I don't even know what the fuck they're doing in this dungeon.

The Cave Naga is only better, being only weak to Holy and having 285 HP to its name.

Cecil can put one hell of a dent into these guys, if not outright kill 'em in one shot.

Oh, yeah, the Twin Snake can do something else.

It's not very exciting, but hey, what do you want?

Actually, don't answer that. Just enjoy a new floor.

And a save point. Sure, we could stop here, but I'd like to get through this place already. Anyone who's played this game before understands. It might not look so bad if you haven't, but keep in mind, I'm cutting out a lot of fights and bullshit.

Anyways, I rest up and save at the save point, as I'd hate for something stupid to happen and then I have to redo this damned place.

Don't you always feel a sense of mystery and wonder when I cross a bridge?

What? You don't?

Yeah, me neither.

There is one treasure in here that I always make sure I get when I come in here and if you're playing along, make sure you get it, too. It's nearly impossible to miss, though, so don't worry about having to take any sort of bullshit path to reach it.

We're coming ever closer to being done with this place.

Though, after this time through it, I don't mind it so much.

I think it's because I finally found something for Cecil to be doing throughout the dungeon. Typically, he's fairly useless, as he can't hit stuff with his sword and you're usually not going to have a very good impression of bows. However, after I found out so many enemies are weak to Holy and that Holy Arrows are on sale in Agart for 20 gil a shot.

This is the treasure box you should be on the lookout for.

Fuckers! This encounter can actually lead to some real bad shit, since Ogres hit hard, and the Cait Sith can instantly kill someone.

Cid and Gustav nearly got wiped out, which leads me to something I haven't told you about Cecil. You might have noticed that he has the command "Cover". When that's selected, you can choose someone for Cecil to take physical hits for. Since Cecil is a damned fine tank, this is a really awesome thing for him to do.

What's even better, though, is that he'll do it automatically for those in critical HP status. See how Gustav and Cid are knelt down on the floor there? Cecil would automatically take any physical hit that came flying their way. Since he's in the back row, he also gets the defensive benefits, so his tankiness is even better.

However, he won't take a magical hit so it's still possible to have Gustav or Cid die like that and he'll stop taking those hits when he reaches Critical status, but, theoretically, if you were facing a tough enemy who dealt solely in physicals, as long as you kept Cecil healthy and everyone else in critical health, then you would be invincible.

But, enough of that. Leave's got a brand new bag, baby.

No attack boost from it, no, but it does have the chance to inflict Confusion with every hit.

And the best part about it is right here.

The Fairy Claw will fuck up all Giant-type enemies, so now Leave can hit most major elemental weaknesses and is effective against an entire type of enemies.

In short, Leave is badass, neener neener neener.

Just a bit more and we're through.

This is another one of the few side paths in the Magnetic Cave.

It leads to a second save point, which can be a Godsend if you've just been fleeing from every fight in this place. And, honestly, anyone who's played this game before will not blame you for running away.

Considering that this is an early 90's JRPG, it should be a big warning sign that this place blows since they gave you two save points in it.

At this point, I may have been feeling cocky and decided to take the long way around.

But, in doing so, I run into the final batch of new enemies around here.

Cave Bats are assholes. Draculadies are assholes, too.

Leave doesn't take any bullshit, though, and drops the biggest annoyance in this place.

This is what makes the Cave Bat such a pain in the ass.

It's not because Vampire inflicts a ton of damage or anything. It's not even because it inflicts Sap. It's the fact that it's a few seconds for each time the Cave Bat uses it, it's pretty much their only action and they're fast enough to spam the hell out of it. It drags fights out and angers me to no end.

Draculadies hit for low damage, but are nothing to write home about.

Cave Bats are weak to Holy and Projectiles, which Cecil's bow covers both. It only has 334, so Cecil nearly one-shot an enemy using a bow. That's mighty impressive.

Draculadies have 270 HP, with a weakness to Holy and Fire.

For some reason, they both absorb Lightning, but that doesn't matter, as there are plenty of other things to destroy them with. I also expected to encounter many more Cave Bats, hence the reason why I stripped Leave's Thunder Claws.

That chest is the last one to nab before we can get out of here.

This is also a pretty nice thing for the developers to wing your way. Once you finish this shithole, you can use it just get the hell out of there.

Alright, let's finish this dungeon and never come back.

I don't know where the hell this Crystal Room came from. Unless the Dark Elf decided to build one, I can't even begin to fathom a good reason as to why it's here, unless every Crystal has a small team of construction workers inside of it who build these rooms when the Crystal is dropped.

But, there he is. Dark Elf isn't very impressive looking, is he?

He also talks like he's shouting half of every word.

Leave is rather confident that he can still tear Dark Elf a new one with his claws.

And Gustav is feeling invincible after regaining all of his magic, so maybe Dark Elf is just full of hot air.

So let's see just how full of it he is.

Even without the Ice Claws raking across his face, Dark Elf isn't a very pretty elf.

Leave put some pretty solid numbers up, too, to start the fight.

Cid's Study is also useless when used on Dark Elf, so we're just going to have to beat on him until he stops moving.

Do your worst, Dark Elf. Gustav knows Curaja.

Okay, Fira isn't too bad.

Wait a second, I didn't see damage from the Fira!

Or Thundara! How are you linking these spells toge--

Okay, we can recover from that, just gotta get Gustav back on his feet.

Tornado won't outright kill anyone, so we're still okay.

In absolutely terrible shape, yes, but still alive.

Leave, no! Don't give up!

Well, yes, that would be better for you, Cecil.

I, uh, I don't know what to say to that, Gustav.

That could be really shitty if you don't realize it's a cutscene fight and it's useless to fight back.

Even so, this still looks really bad. The last person to wipe everyone so easily like that was Golbez himself.

But, in another location!

...There's Champ. Surely, now we're saved.

I don't know how you know that, Champ, but please do something.

Our resident pansy prince hobbles out of bed...

...And promptly falls flat on his face. This asshole is supposed to be our savior, remember.

I'm really wondering what all Champ's injuries are now. He seems really jacked up.

How do you plan on doing that, Champ? Unless you learned the Instant Transmission, I'd wager that Cecil and crew are proper fucked.

Incredibly, Champ shoves them both away in a feat of strength.

He's our only hope now, much as I hate to admit it.

Champ picks up his harp and begins to play...

As for how he would know that we would need the Twin Harp, it's never explained. In some other versions, he gives us Whisperweed, which lets you communicate with people over long distances, so it makes sense that he can hear what happened to Cecil, Leave, Cid and Gustav. I don't know if the Twin Harp looks like that, but maybe it's just a crafty bard trick for him to listen through a harp.

Leave doesn't know what the fuck.

Cecil figures it out, though.

Dark Elf doesn't appreciate Champ coming in to save everyone's butts through harp music.

That dark green color washes across the screen again...

...And everything turns wavy for a second.

I've gotta hand it to you, Champ. You've done a hell of a thing here.

For those of you who believed that buying the Mythril gear was a bad idea, this is where it pays off.

As we now get to reequip ourselves and take another whack at fighting Dark Elf.

Gustav's equipment doesn't change, but I do give Leave a Fire Claw instead of his Ice Claw. I don't know why.

Two things before I start this fight. Champ's harp music plays throughout this entire section, including the upcoming fight and second, you can reach this point with Dark Elf without having to talked to Champ.

You can make it all the way to Dark Elf and through the Magnetic Cavern without having received the Twin Harp. When you fight Dark Elf in that first fight, he'll just straight up kill you and it's a game over. Always remember to go see Champ and get the Twin Harp or else you'll consider quitting this game and never starting it back up.

So the fight with Dark Elf begins anew.

Yeesh, Leave, that's a little rough.

Cecil finally gets to use that fancy new sword of his.

Yeesh. I think we were doing better last time, when it was unwinnable.

Cid's fancy new hammer is also put to good work.

Dark Elf now repeats his pattern of Fira-Thundara-Blizzara.

It's, uh...It's not really very effective.

After wailing on him for a little while longer, Dark Elf does something that I have never seen him do before.

He uses Whisper on Cecil. At the time, I had no idea what it did, so I was expecting the worst.

Instead of something terrible, however, it turns Cecil into a pig.

Earlier in the LP, I claimed that Pig would entirely fuck someone up, physically and magically. That's not true; physical stats seem completely untouched and the only spell the afflicted person can cast is Pig, so Cecil's role here doesn't really change at all, except there's now a piggy swinging a sword around.

Oh, yeah, Dark Elf, maybe it'll work better this time.

Nah, not at all. Good try, though, Dark Elf.

At this point, since all Leave will be doing is physically attacking, I have him use Bacchus' Cider and Berserk himself.

His physical attacks are a bit more effective now and he'll automatically use Attack when his turn comes up. It puts his strong suits to their best.

After you get this message, this is when shit has gotten serious.

The music has changed into the regular boss fight theme, so let's fight ourselves a boss. All that shit before was just a warmup.

I also have Cid Berserk himself and I chose this shot of it just to show off that shit-eating grin he has.

The Dark Dragon does not fuck around. Whereas Dark Elf had become a joke, Dark Dragon is out to kill you.

I'm keeping Cecil unberserked just so I have someone to toss items and shit if I need to.

Keep up the good work, Leave.

This attack blows. It hits everyone and deals some pretty good damage against everyone.

Damn near enough to kill Gustav.

But look at Pig Cecil, gettin' all ready to fight the Dark Dragon!

That will never get old to me.

Neither will Cid hitting like that.

Berserk, if used on the right person, is a hell of a thing.

However, even though I'm doing a fair job of kicking his ass, Dark Dragon is still dangerous, so high HP is a must. He has 3,927 HP to tear through and is weak to Holy, so it might be better if Cecil had his Sword of Legend equipped but oh well, too late now.

Damn, Dark Dragon, why you hate Gustav? Leave and Cid are the ones beating your ass!

This is why I'm glad that Cecil didn't get Berserked; he's going to revive Gustav.

Am I the only one who loves the Pig sprites? It looks so happy to be throwing a Phoenix Down!

I really wish Phoenix Downs restored more HP upon revival.

Or that Cecil was faster so that Gustav could have had a Hi-Potion.

As he was killed again. Didn't you say at the beginning of this place that we were invincible with your magic?

Welp, never mind on reviving the old man; Leave stepped up and killed the Dark Dragon before I could do anything.

Typically, that fight is a hell of a lot harder for me. I usually have to fight tooth and nail for every single HP I tear away from the Dark Dragon, and even then, I get trounced two or three times before winning that damned fight. This one just went really well, though, with Gustav being the only casualty.