Part 32: Update Thirty One: Whack A Monk
Update Thirty One: Whack A MonkWelcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we went through the Sealed Cavern and actually recovered a Crystal! And then Bowser was, once again, put under Golbez' mind control and jacked it from us. Today, we're going to report our failure to King Giott, then do some side questy stuff, so let's mosey.
I wonder if King Giott will be surprised that we fucked up again.
He's more hopeful than I would have been.
Just imagine the tired, disappointed tone in Giott's voice here. You know he's not surprised.
Whalers on the moon...
We carry a harpoon...
Wait a second, that sounds familiar.
Well, ain't that somethin'. Their legends are a reality to us.
It's a good thing that Cecil kept that whole "slaughter and Water Crystal theft" thing quiet. I don't know how Giott would react to that.
Cecil, that's exactly what I was thinking. Is praying forbidden down here?
Hell, you could come with us. Plus, I think we need a cannon or two to, y'know, get back up there.
I'm telling you guys, just get a dwarven cannon, jumbo size it and--
Goddammit, Cid, I was wondering when you'd come back. And with another way to save our asses.
Y'know, to the dwarves, we're going to have a drill that pierces the heavens.
Shut up, Rosa! We're getting a drill!
You watch your Goddamn mouth, Goemon; Cid can do whatever he wants.
This has now entered the list of phrases I need to start using.
We cut over to the airship, where Goemon, Cid and two dwarves are working on the airship. Cecil is just standing there, thumb presumably in ass.
Goemon decides to hightail it out while Cid isn't looking.
To flirt with Kim. I like his style.
Cid does not approve of Goemon's jackassery.
And he drags Goemon's ass back to the airship.
The two enter a heated argument, with lots of jumping.
It ends with Cid fucking flooring Goemon's ass. This Cid is the best Cid.
After that, Goemon gets back to work. I'm assuming he doesn't want to have to pick any more teeth out of his spleen.
Shortly after that, though, Cid collapses and everyone rushes to his side. Could this be the end?
Heeeeeeellllllll no. This Cid just doesn't die.
Rest well, Cid. You've earned it.
I don't know about that, Cid. You're pretty good at keeping Goemon's ass in line.
You're just saying that because he knocked you the fuck out.
Aye, Goemon's been pulling his weight. He's doin' a hell of a job.
He's got the dwarves around, Rosa. Cid will be just fine, I think.
After we kick Golbez' ass, Cid, we're coming back with hookers and blow.
And that's the night we'll find out what it takes to kill Cid.
Giott and Luca have these parting words for us. I see no reason why Giott can't come with us.
Outside, Falcon now has a big-ass drill attached to it.
So, let's see...We've blown this mountain the fuck up, then blew it up again to reseal it and now we're going to drill through it. Man, Agart has to be pissed about all of our shenanigans.
Now we're back on the surface! We can switch freely between the two worlds now and there is some side-questing to be done. Let's get that out of the way, shall we?
Our first stop is Fabul; I can think of someone here who's going to be happier than anyone else to hear Leave is alive. If she even knew he was dead. Hell, I bet she'll be happy just to find out anything about her husband.
The last she might have heard of Leave was when we were attacked by Leviathan. So, she may have spent who knows how long thinking he's been dead.
Well, ma'am, after he got blown the hell up, he's been recuperating in a cave with some tiny fairy women.
Y'know, I never considered that spousal abuse could cross entire worlds before.
So, yes, our sidequest now includes us going to hit Leave with a frying pan. I love this game.
Before we go scramble Leave's brains, there's one thing left to do. Remember that Rat Tail we found in the Land of Summoned Monsters?
There's a man up here who's just nuts about tails. He's got a hell of a reward for that Rat Tail.
Just south from Mythril are some shoals that the Hovercraft can cross; it's impossible to reach the island otherwise.
You can visit this guy before now, but it has absolutely no use, so I didn't. I've played this game enough that I have the process streamlined, so I never visit this place before now.
This is the Adamant Grotto. The "Adamant" is the important part of the name.
There are some other tails around, but this is the only one we're going to be worried with for quite a long time.
And this guy is a fucking dick. I hope we whip him with the tail.
We hand him the tail and he shits a brick.
Kokkol, the smithy, was looking for a piece of this. So, let's get back to the Underworld, beat Leave and turn this over to Kokkol.
Be glad I'm cutting all the flying and shit out of this. The worst part of these side quests is all the fucking traveling, I swear.
Well, that, and crossing the Sylvan Cave. I ran into some trouble on the way here, but nothing too terrible.
We enter the Sylph's house and approach Leave.
We ready the Frying Pan.
Too late, I've already starting swinging!
...If that's his reaction, I'm now wondering how many times his wife has done this to him. That might help explain why he's so damn tough, though...
Man, how awkward would it have been if that had been what killed Leave?
Actually, Rosa, didn't he save the dwarves by doing that? I mean, sure, I guess we were saved in the process, too, but c'mon, I think it was more for the dwarves.
Shut the fuck up, you!
Yeah, c'mon, Leave! There's even room in the party for you!
You shut up, too!
Being an asshole right now!
Well...You're kind of right. I do have Goemon dealing respectable damage.
Look, Sylphs, Champ already left the party. I don't want any more fairies with me.
Though, I'll always take more magic for Kim.
Sylph is a pretty interesting summon. I'll be showing it off in a bit.
And with that, this sidequest is over. Leave doesn't rejoin us, but at least we got a new summon. That's still pretty good, right?
Let's complete the next part of the Kokkol sidequest.
But first, as promised, our new summon.
This guy is the perfect test enemy for it. Sylph costs 25 MP and can only target one enemy at a time.
They float around for a bit, before blasting the enemy with balls of green and blue energy.
When our party returns, they shower us with that same green and blue energy.
It deals a good amount of damage to an enemy, while healing your party. It splits the damage done to the enemy across the entire party; it can be decent healing in a pinch, but Kim has more powerful spells and summons at her command. There was a glitch in the SNES version where, if you had it equipped to a certain spot in her summon list, it would cost 0 MP and she could spam it all day long.
That glitch helped me through some tough fights and I'm going to miss it terribly.
Let's deliver the Adamantite to Kokkol. Maybe that'll get his lazy ass out of bed.
Man, you have no idea how easy it was to get this.
Wait a second, which of my swords are you taking?
Be sure to keep the inscription on that! It's really important!
Kokkol is so excited by this, he fucking leaps over us. Now that is some Goddamn inspiration.
We've got to advance the story a bit before he'll be done with our new sword, so let's leave him to work.
Let's return Leave's Wife's frying pan. I bet she'll need it for something.
I know that's a pretty sudden cut, but really, do you want to see shots of the Underworld than one of Fabul Castle?
There's another reward for this sidequest, besides the Sylph summon.
This is a throwing weapon for Goemon. It will, without fail, deal 9,999 damage to whatever he throws it at. This is the kind of thing best saved for a rainy day.
And since one person has bitched about it already, in the SNES version, this was, instead of a Knife, a "Spoon". It did the same 9,999 damage. Personally, I prefer the spoon translation, as it's goofy and funny, but alas, it's the Knife here.
I think that's exactly what he's doing, ma'am.
And with that, we're done for today. Next time, let's make our way back to Mysidia and see if we can learn something about the Lunar Whale.
Stay tuned!