Part 41: Update Thirty Nine: I'm A Lover, I'm A Winner, I'm A Fighter

Update Thirty Nine: I'm A Lover, I'm A Winner, I'm A Fighter

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we collected a lot of shit for Cecil and I got smoked by the boss guarding his ultimate sword. Today, we're going to move on and collect some other ultimate things, so let's mosey.



This is around the average level you should be by this point in the game. I could probably win the final boss fight right now, but I'll get a few more levels under my belt before we do so.







You may be wondering why I'm here again. After all, I got friggin' trounced last time I was here.



I want you to know that I did not see this shit coming.



This is already going five times better than the last fight did.



So, now, we're going to fight Dark Bahamut, in a surprise move. Excalibur is very powerful, as Dark Bahamut has 60,000 HP in total, so Cecil did about 1/20th of his HP in one shot. That's not really a lot, I guess, but I think it's cool.





Bahamut is very effective against his Dark counterpart, dealing full damage.



Now, I could have raised Reflect here to have Dark Bahamut blast himself, but I'll be honest; I panicked when I survived the initial Mega Flare.



Plus, his Mega Flare isn't always multi-targeted. It'll still deal a lot of damage, but it's not the death sentence it was the last time I fought him. The spell Rosa is readying there is a Full Life, for Goemon.



Dark Bahamut will raise Reflect on himself, meaning you can't blast him all willy-nilly with regular spells. Summons are still fair game, though, and what I recommend.



He'll also start bouncing Flares off of himself, rendering your Reflect (if you raised it), fairly useless.





Flare hurts, too, but that's always a guaranteed single-target attack.



Dark Bahamut has no weaknesses, by the way, nor does he absorb anything, so you can just blast him with anything. Slow still works on him, but, as I said, I was panicked at this point. I was just going to show myself being annihilated again as a good reason for why we're moving deeper, since we're going to get better weapons and more levels.



But, since we're doing well right now, we may as well keep up this fight. I was determined to win this time, since I had a good beginning.



By the way, Bowser won't be coming back to life in this fight. I only revived Goemon as he's a touch faster and his physicals are better. I don't know what happened to Bowser, but his Jump is only about matching Goemon's regular physical.



Somehow, I broke Bowser and I don't understand it. It makes me sad.





Flare's damage has an odd amount of variance to it.



Rosa here is preparing to heal everyone with a Curaja. Her main job is to keep everyone else alive as best she can. Sometimes, it's easier to ignore those who have fallen as opposed to bringing everyone back to life.



Dark Bahamut, however, is a tricky fucker and knows my plan.



Mega Flare is one of my best attacks against Dark Bahamut. Goemon will be throwing a Phoenix Down on Rosa, as that's her only hope of coming back (and my only hope of winning).







Mega Flare is also his best attack against us.



This is a fairly horrifying thing to see, as Kim doesn't have enough health to tank a hit from either Flare or Mega Flare, and I'm surprised Goemon survived that one, as magic usually tears him a new asshole.





In response to him reviving Rosa, Dark Bahamut decides that Goemon needs to eat a dick and blows him up.



Goemon does not take it well, to say the least.



I brought Cecil back in hopes that Dark Bahamut would attack him and keep the focus off of Rosa long enough for her to drop some healing magic.



Dammit, you're supposed to be blowing up Cecil!





You're blowing him up at the wrong time, you overgrown lizard!



I do not understand how Flare does damage.



Cecil drops a Phoenix Down on Kim.



She prepares another dosage of Bahamut, while Rosa prepares to heal us up.



How does that dick always know when I'm going to restore my party!?



How do you like it, fucker!?



As soon as I revived Rosa, he just blew her up again. Really, I guess this isn't too terrible, as Cecil and Kim are making good progress on killing Dark Bahamut.



Alright, now this asshole is just taunting me.



Now, I can take that away in just one casting of Bahamut, but come on, you fucker, why can't I heal? At least it's only 10% of his HP.



When his Reflect falls, he'll bring it up again, which is a breather turn for us.





Well, at least he's not killing Rosa again, but Kim is my big damage dealer.



Though, this just barely killed her.





Curaja is pretty great, isn't it?



This isn't so bad. Rosa has a lot of HP for a mage. She actually has more HP than Goemon does and she can take a hit fairly well, too.



1,400 damage is a lot, no matter who it hits, but even so, she has hope of surviving another Flare.



And then Dark Bahamut blasts her again. Friggin' dick.



But she survives and Kim is brought back. We're still doing well.



And, finally, Rosa gets to drop some heals on the party.



Magic splitting is a hell of a thing. I'm not a huge fan of how it works in this game.









I think this is a pretty neat shot. These two mega-dragons are staring one another down, each knowing they have a super-breath weapon to attack with.



This shot is sweeter, though.



But this is the best shot. Dark Bahamut is a Goddamned asshole, as you've seen.



However,



We get a nice bit of experience for that fight, too; Goemon and Bowser miss out on all of it.





For that hellish fight, we win Cecil's ultimate weapon.



Ragnarok adds +15 Strength, Stamina and Spirit, as well as being Holy elemental and providing a substantial attack boost. Cecil is, by far, our strongest physical attacker and that won't be changing any time soon.



Like I said, I honestly did not expect to win that fight. I was just going into it to get some shots of me being destroyed again, as a sort of "Still not strong enough!" thing, so that I could justify skipping this for now to go deeper and grab the stronger weapons and armor.

By winning this fight, I've made some fights down the road far easier.



Bowser has a lot of fucking health. Damn.





Alright, let's move deeper into the Lunar Subterrane.





We skipped over this door last time to get blown the fuck up, so this is where we're heading today.



Inside the door, to the north, there's this trapped chest.



You know what we haven't seen enough of this update?



Bahamut wrecking enemies' shit.



Minerva's Plate is a kind of cool piece of equipment.



This adds +15 Strength, Agility and Stamina, which is fucking sweet. However, it also takes 15 points away from Intellect and Spirit. That's no bueno for either of the girls, as Intellect and Spirit are Kim and Rosa's bread and butter. If I had Rosa kitted out as an archer, as opposed to nearly pure White Mage, this could be useful.



For now, we'll just leave it unequipped. I'm sure someone will give me a neverending line of shit for this.



This floor is a fairly exciting floor, as far as treasure is concerned. There's a lot of nice equipment on this floor.



The encounters still aren't anything important, but this one will serve to show something important.



As we're fighting a Dinozombie, which is weak against Holy.



Bowser isn't hitting very well anymore. I kind of wish I had kept the Avenger to give it back to him.



Goemon is far better than he is at physically attacking.



But, with those comparison shots out of the way, let's see what Cecil's new sword contributes to the battle.



If it's against an undead enemy, Cecil is going to be fucking rocking their undead faces off. Against regular enemies, he's still going to deal tons of damage, but this is a good way to highlight just how hard Bowser gets fucked. Cecil has far better equipment options.



Anyways, on this wall, there are three doors.



The first one contains this save point, which is hella useful.



I don't think I even needed this, but whatever, I can spare it.



There's nothing up here, so let's move on.





These pillars seem to be forcing us to walk through this specific spot.



Huh, usually bosses introd--



Never mind. Just a well-timed Dinozombie.



Anyways, past those pillars is what looks to be a spear.





Let's fight our second boss of this update.



Plague is not a very difficult boss. He only has 33,333 HP and no attacks. So what makes it dangerous?



Fucking entire-party Doom. We're on a very strict time limit to win this fight.



And I did not do very well in this fight. I'm not sure where I went wrong.



But we're off to a good start.



Bowser Jumps off, while Kim prepares Bahamut.



Cecil's damage output is wonderful now. This wasn't a critical or anything, either, just a regular-ass hit.



Plauge is weak against Throw element, which means Bowser is super-effective against it. I wish I had given Rosa a bow for this fight, because it would have went better.



And please, don't give me any shit over what I've done with Rosa.



I know she's good at attacking with a bow and stuff, but this is how I play her. If you like to kit her out with a bow and arrows, that's great, good for you.



However, if you have Kim as anything but a magical nuking machine who never has enough nuking power, you're doing it wrong.



Rosa is just going to bonk him with her staff. Definitely should have used a bow.



But, hey, nearly 600 damage!



Goemon is doing all he can to prevent dying.



Plague will periodically cast Haste on your party members, but since Haste is practically worthless, this move is...Well, worthless.



Bowser should always be Jumping. Sure, his regular attack will be boosted, but Jump doubles that, so he's better off Jumping, as Plague should die as quickly as possible.



I love Ragnarok.





Uh-oh. This isn't good.



And neither is that. It's up to Bowser!



If he'd only been a skosh faster...



But, thank God this killed him, otherwise I would have had to do this fight again.



What the fuck, Plague? You poor asshole.



Bowser gets a nice chunk of XP all to himself, but no levels.



And we get his ultimate weapon, the Holy Lance.



Gungnir added +15 Stamina, so this is why Bowser's defense is going down. The Holy Lance, as the name indicates, deals Holy damage, as well as Throw. I don't know if there's any sort of undead/flying enemy, but if there was, Bowser would be your man to kick it's ass. Also, if you use the Holy Lance in battle, it will cast Holy.



The character portraits, for when they're dead, kind of gives me the creeps.



However, dead-Cecil has no problem leading the party around. I wonder if Bowser is just propping his corpse up, like a Lunar Weekend At Bernie's.



This save point is hella convenient. We're not done quite yet, as there's another pair of bosses to fight.





When we try and pass these pillars, there's a sudden flashing of lights.



The Ribbon is a very nice piece of equipment, and we get two of them for this.



So, let's get it on.



The Lunasaurs are kind of assholes, but they're not too terrible.



Their physicals aren't too terrifying, considering what else we've seen down here.



Goemon, however, still gets his ass whipped.



They're undead, so Cecil and Bowser are going to be hella effective against them, as is Fire.



What the fuck!? Someone, please, explain this to me. I don't understand.



These guys also raise Reflect on themselves and will bounce spells off to assault you with.



Remember, Goemon's weapons have no elements attached to them. He just hits things without using any special properties.



Is there some sort of bug or glitch with the European version that fucks Bowser up? Or has he always sucked this much and I just never noticed?





They've got access to Flame to attack the entire party with, but it's not much trouble.



Bio, which they Reflect off each other, is trouble, though.



Like I've said before, Bio is pretty great for attacking non-elementally.





Oh, Cecil, you beautiful bastard!



If Rosa had learned Holy, she would be using that. However, since she doesn't have it yet, she'll just heal up the party.







I'm starting to feel bad for all the enemies I've blasted with Bio. There have been quite a few.





Bahamut, are you feeling okay? I distinctly remember you being more impressive than this...



These guys have Restore, too, but since it's just 10% of their HP, it's not too much.



Hell, Goemon can nearly do that in one shot, and Cecil can do about four times that in one hit.



Bowser Jumps off, as that's better for him to deal damage with.



Goddamn, Bio hurts.



And just before the Curaja came, too.



I'm going for Bahamut again. This was just a good shot of Bowser landing.



Well, that's better, but really, I'm sure it should be 9,999, even without Jumping...



But, hey, that's one down.



At this point, the other Lunasaur went fucking nuts and began lighting my entire party on fire, repeatedly.



Now, since he's weak to Fire, I thought maybe Goemon could be more effective that way.







He tried to Reflect himself again, but his old Reflect hadn't worn off, so Kim can now blast him with spells.





It's enough to finish the fight, but Goemon misses out on the XP.







Two Ribbons are our prize.



Ribbons offer a slight defensive boost, but also protection from every single status ailment in the game. Kim's current helmet gives her +10 to Intellect, so I'm on the fence if I want her with this or the Gold Hairpin.



Rosa can have this one, though, since Intellect doesn't matter for her.



And with that, I think our party deserves a good rest.



Since we're all healed up and saved, let's stop for today.

Next time, on Final Fantasy IV, we'll continue plumbing the depths of the Lunar Subterrane. Stay tuned!