Part 49: Update Forty Seven: The Paladin's Trial

Update Forty Seven: The Paladin's Trial

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we went through Kim's Trial and beat the shit out of some of her old summons. She apparently learned how important they were to her, but since Square is fucking lazy, they didn't really show that in the Trial. Today, we're going to go through Cecil's Trial, so let's mosey.





It's a pain in the ass reaching this next Trial. I hate this place.





Well, this is a nicer locale than we've had for a while.



And this guy is going to fuck up my enjoyment.



Well, I wasn't, but you're going to change that, aren't you?





When I find it, I'm going to want to shove it up your ass.



You, sir, are a cunt.



But, let's go find this little warty asshole.



Not over here...



Nope, not here...



Not over here, either.



Where the hell is this prick?



Maybe it's up here.



That guy is a fuckhole. This toad is about fifteen feet from where he's standing with his thumb in his ass.



...The fuck!? Where'd he go!?



...Well, this slightly cools my temper. A free Ribbon is never a bad thing, BUT WHERE IS THAT GODDAMNED TOAD!?



Aha! Found you, dickhead!



Ah, hell, of course I have to fight him. Things are never that simple.



Look at that smug little jerk.



Christ, he's fast, too. It's not often something attacks before Champ can move.



Let's power up and try to drop this fucker quick as we can. He's got 11,111 HP, so this shouldn't take long.



Wait, what--Oh, Goddammit...





Let's go get this jerkoff. Again.



He disappeared before I could get my mitts on him.



Thankfully, he's not very creative when running away, so he's right back here.



And he expertly evades me and disappears, again. Fucker!



He never goes far, thankfully.







Oh, hell yes! I managed to catch him!



That shouldn't surprise anybody, but Toad is bad for Champ and Leave; they're still susceptible to it.



Thankfully, he's not actually very dangerous. Just a pain in the ass.



...Who can take a hit better than most heavyweight boxers.



And he follows it up with Protect; if you hit him with a spell that doesn't kill him, he casts Reflect on himself.



Cecil's hits don't fare much better, but it's something.



And this guy is so quick to run away. There's gotta be something I can do about that...



And I have just the thing for it.



Gold Hourglasses inflict Stop for a long-ass time, which is perfect. This fucker gets stopped entirely and can't fight back, so we beat him to death.



Why does everything have so much money?



I'm not going to question the experience points, though.



Or why it was carrying a Megalixir, of all things, around...



And after all of that, we still don't get to actually kill it. I hate this place.



Take it and tell me how to get the fuck out of here.



If you hadn't, there would be no force in the 'Verse that could stop my wrath.



That's all we had to do? Goddammit, Leave could have done that!



You don't need to worry about that, man. Be glad I didn't shove that toad into your spleen.



Eat me, fucker.



I know I don't usually do that whole "angry LP'er" thing and that might be a weird section for you guys, but that part seriously just rustled my jimmies.



This part, however, made up for it. It actually kind of warmed my heart.



As we're in another town populated by piggies, toads and midgets!



Not at all, Pig-Moonman.



It's a nice village, too. I like it here.



Sorry, Froggymoon, we're way foreign.



Let's check out these shops.



Starting with the weapon shop. I usually visit this shop first, as I like weapons.



He's got some good, but expensive, items for sale. Fuma Shurikens are pretty powerful, and if I used bows, the Yoichi Arrows would be a great purchase.



However, I don't spend any money there. Maybe the armor shop will have something for me to purchase.



Nothing that I want to buy here, but it's nice stuff all the same.



Let's hit the Inn next. I'll rest before hitting the item shop.



Goddamn, that's expensive, but I can afford it. Besides, I'm not sure when the next save point is going to pop up, so I'd rather be all healed up, just in case.



Alright, let's hit ourselves the item shop.



He also has Hi-Potions and Phoenix Downs for sale, but I don't care about those.



I love all the money monsters drop around here. I've got a ton of Elixirs now, so I'm pretty well set on MP recovery.

I don't think Champ will use Elixirs when you select Heal, so that's kind of a bummer, but still, he's fast enough to be able to drop them on whoever will need them. I think if everyone in the party needs one, I'm already proper fucked, so it won't matter.



Anyways, to the south is the exit, so let's scoot on out of here.



Huh. I didn't expect the Land of Summoned Monsters tileset to pop up.



The gimmick on this floor is that, to progress, you have to fight some battles to go through the hidden paths to get to the exit.



So, let's get to the fighting.



The King Bomb is the only new enemy here, and he's fairly in the "meh" category.





He has access to Firaga, but it's not very powerful. And with only 11,100 HP, he won't last very long in combat.



Kick is actually kind of useful here, as it'll drop the little guys in one move. The damage is less than 1,000, so it's still pretty weak, but it'll cut the enemy party by 3/4ths rather quickly.



Kick is so much better in the DS version. In this version, it's just fucking pathetic.



The King Bomb has no weaknesses and absorbs Fire, so Flare is a pretty good spell to blast him to smithereens with.





The King Bomb, alone, provides a lot of cash and a good bit of XP. The other guys are just...Kind of there.



There are hidden paths on both sides, as well as the main path leading forward.



We'll go this way first.



Nothing new here, so let's just skip ahead a bit.





There's treasure at the end of the sidepaths, so you might find it worthwhile to go down them.



Free Elixirs are cool and since I've broken myself of that whole "don't use them ever" thing that I had drilled into me, this is actually going to be useful.



Let's hit this path next.



What is up with these old, weak-ass enemies?





How boring. These enemies are boring. Enemies, you are boring.



These tiles return, and I don't want to know how much damage they're going to do down here.



So, we just solve that problem right now.



And snag another Elixir.



Alright, let's head down the main path. Oh, by the way, we're about a third of the way through this update.



Those fights were utterly boring, so I skipped them for your sake.



This fight, though, holds a new enemy.



It's not the Bloodbones; you might recall them from Mt. Ordeals.



It's that hard hitting Palace Guard.



She can take a hit well enough, too, and with 10,633 HP, this can take a while. Unless you use magic to just blow her away, as Flare, from what I saw, usually dealt 9,999 damage without fail.



The next fight was more of the same, so let's skip that, too.



And with nothing on the other side, we come this way.



Past the fights, we come to the exit, and there's one more path to go down.



It's guarded by three monsters, so you know it's special.



This is the only interesting one, though.





No weaknesses for this guy, either, but he does have a ton of HP, at 21,019.



He's got decent defenses all around, too. He can dish out some good damage, too, but nothing to get worked up about.





He's also fairly lucrative.



Anyways, in that chest, we find this. It makes me question just how much of a queen Asura is.



It's also a Masa only weapon, adding +15 to both Intellect and Spirit, and when used as an item, it casts Holy. It's better than Triton's Dagger, so that thing will probably never ever see use.



Alright, let's skedaddle off this floor. I kind of liked this one, too.



We come to the next Trial floor.



We're not done with this update; I just save before every Trial.



This is Cecil's Trial, as indicated by the update title. When I initially did this Trial, I thought I had the recorder going and did it as normal. As it turns out, I had messed up, so I had to leave the Ruins, and make my way back down here to redo this Trial and record it this time.



The big prize from this Trial is a new sword for Cecil.



It's a very, very powerful sword. It adds +15 to Strength, Stamina and Agility, as well as dealing Holy elemental damage. As an added bonus, it sometimes casts Holy upon hitting the enemy, adding an extra 6,000 or so damage to Cecil's attack. It's kind of fucking nuts.



Champ's Agility is 71, for reference. Leave's Stamina is 99, for another point of reference. Cecil's Strength matches Leave's, as it did before, but he now has 16 attacks, at 255 damage a piece, so that's...

4,080 damage, on average, if the calculator on my computer is right. Cecil is going to be hitting even harder than he did before and it's awesome.



Anyways, let's Trial.



Hmm. This looks a touch familiar.



And somebody recognizes Cecil as a Paladin...





Well, I think we've already shown we're a true Paladin. Since we passed that initial trial by KluYa and all that.



Um, yeah? I just mentioned that whole KluYa thing.



Oh, this is going to be just a pleasure, won't it?



Give me about nine minutes, voice. I'll be there.





Cecil's Trial has kind of an interesting gimmick to it.



I'll explain in a minute. For now, these boys are bullying that pig.





That might not look like it, but that kid pulled back and just punched that pig.





These kids are bloody assholes.



Bullies, in my book, are not cool. It's okay to tease somebody, as long as you know the limit to it. Going beyond that and just making somebody miserable is fucked up.





Hearing someone cry out since they can't defend themselves is horrible.



And look at them; they're enjoying this. Make no mistake about it; children are some of the most cruel creatures on the planet.



But only if you let them be.



Enough of my views on children. Let's just get this Trial done.





That little shit runs off when confronted by an adult. Let's go sort out those other kids.





I know some kids who would have just told Cecil to go fuck himself.









I'm glad this kid didn't bring up the whole "He's different!" thing. I can't tolerate racism, either.







And for this kid, Cecil just basically tells him to knock it off, because he's a pussy. I like Cecil pretty well.





Well, Cecil is pretty brave.



And all of the kids run off, Cecil having set them straight. I suppose I'd listen to him, too, because I think he's probably got enough muscle he's almost bursting through his armor.



I'm sure you will, little one.





Alright, let's get out of here.



The gimmick to Cecil's Trial is that it's actually a series of sub-trials. He has five to go through, and there's ten or eleven different sub trials that are randomly chosen. Between each sub-trial, there's this little transition hallway. You can also fail some of the sub-trials, which affects your prize at the end. You only get the Lightbringer if you pass all five sub-trials. I looked up on GameFAQs the other "prizes" and they are:




Hey, that kind of looks like a Chocobo pen...



Yes, youngling?





That's not good. Maybe you should have a herding dog for this.



Oh, I see where this is going.





This Trial is really easy. You only fail it if you don't find all of the Chocobos. Oh, yeah, you only fail that first Trial if you don't talk to all the kids before you leave.





The Chocobos aren't very far away, either, so this Trial is pretty quick.



You can only catch one Chocobo at a time, but it goes faster than you'd expect.



Hey, get back here, you shit!



These guys are much easier to catch than the Platinum Toad.



When you catch one of the birds, you get this little cutaway.



It goes back to the little girl and the bird is put in the pen, so you've gotta run back.



I wonder if the Red Chocobo can run across lava and shit.



There's our third Chocobo.





Down here are our last two Chocobos for this Trial.





I think it's always five Chocobos in this Trial, too. Anyways, after catching all five...



The girl thanks us and we're free to go.



So we do. But, maybe she's got something else for us...



Jesus Christ, girl, we went four feet that way!



...Oh.



Alright, on to the next!



Every time, we've gotta cross through this little room. I don't know why, it's not like it's masking a loading time or some shit.



Well, this looks interesting.





AAAAHHH



Well, depends on what we're going to be doing.



There are three monsters around here that we need to defeat.



Those guys don't have anything to say right now, so let's just get to the fighting.



Y'know, they could at least have used some sort of a threatening monster.





I really like the look of Cecil's new sword, both in its sprite and in the attack thingy it leaves on the enemy. It's no crescent moon, but it's still pretty cool.



Cecil is just a powerhouse.







Yeah, all three monsters are the same and you get preemptive strikes on each of them. This sub-trial is really easy.



Don't give me that look. I just like Cecil's new sword.



And for the final fight.



No shot of Cecil's sword this time. This guy dies all the same, though.



This is what they all have to say after you defeat the Giant Warriors, so we're free to go. We can leave before defeating them, but we'll fail if we do.



And since I'm not in the business of failure, we won't be failing any of these sub-trials.





This next sub-trial is...Kind of interesting.



Kind of special, even.



Just now, you think to question that, Cecil? You really are an idiot.



Why the fuck do you care?



See, Cecil, it's just a vase. Nothing interesting--



WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO



Oh, Christ, we pissed off a wizard!



Quickly, Cecil, gut him!



If we select "No" here, we fail this sub-trial. We may as well fess up to it.



And that's all he has to say about this.



So, lets-a go.





This next sub-trial is kind of neat.



That's a lot of empty treasure chests...



And this guy seems to like loot just as much as I do.



Making a bundle is good, but burglaring isn't.



Considering how you were cackling over that loot, I'm surprised you noticed us at all.



Well, personally, I'd let you go, but we've gotta prove Cecil is a true Paladin, so you can just go fuck yourself if you think you're getting away with this.



In response, he leaps across the counter and attacks us. What a prick.



Well, fair enough it counts as an ambush; I wouldn't have expected him to jump across and attack us.



He's fairly quick and his physical is fairly strong, too.



He has no weaknesses or resistances, but with 14,651 HP, he's got some staying power.



There's a purpose to this one, I swear.





Since Holy kicked in after the hit. I don't know the chance for it to happen, but it seems to be a decent enough chance.



This is on the lower end of the damage I've seen it deal, but even so, an extra 4,300 damage is nothing to turn your nose up at.



And it was enough to kill him.



And he is dead-dead. He's completely disappeared!



So, we're done here. Let's scoot.



That was the last Trial, too, and we could have failed that one by saying "Yes" instead of "No".



After the five Trials, we enter a throne room.



I just did, you douchebag!





If you passed all five sub-trials, this is where you'd get the Lightbringer. However, we already have it so, instead we get...



...Something that's nowhere near as cool. And all Trials can be done again for a secondary item like this one; Leave's will produce a Silver Apple, Champ's will give you a Gold Hourglass and Kim's will provide a Soma Drop. I'll mention the others are we get to them.



Lunar Odin is a dick of a boss, too.





He looks pretty fucking cool, though.



First thing, I'm having Champ use Chant to get some Protect going on.



Shell will come up, too, but that's not all that important in this fight.



Remember when we fought regular Odin, how he waited a good while before raising his sword? Well, Lunar Odin don't play that shit.



He's still weak to Lightning, though, and he has 95,000 HP to go through.



Much like fighting regular Odin, you want to pound this fucker into the dirt as fast as you fucking can.



There's no way to beat him before this first Zantetsuken; there's just not enough time.





It hurts like a mad bastard, but we can survive it now.



Everyone but Champ made it through; I'm surprised Kim didn't get knocked down.



Thundaga is great for this fight.



Rosa is on healing duty for now. We've gotta be healthy.



Leave's job, as per usual, is just to punch things in the face as hard as he can. I could use Deadly to ensure he's dealing 9,999 damage with each hit, but that takes too long. Time is of the essence here.



Besides, he's doing pretty well without using Deadly.



Alright, I'll admit it; I just really, really like the look of the Lightbringer.



For now, Lunar Odin will use physicals. They're strong, as you should expect them to be, but they're nothing to crap your pants over.





He and Leave trade blows. I think Lunar Odin got the worst end of that trade.



All Thundaga, all the time.



It'd be really nice if Holy would kick in, but it's just not in the cards, I s'pose.



Rosa is still trying to get everyone back to full HP.





No matter how many times I see it, I will never get tired of seeing 9,999 damage dealt to an enemy.



Curaja really disappoints me. I wish it were stronger.



Lunar Odin raises his sword again at this point.



This fight is on a timer, just like the first time we fought Odin.







However, it's not from that single Zantetsuken. Soon, Lunar Odin is going to do a double Zantetsuken. Remember Ogopogo's Double Tidal Wave, where it was just two back to back, with the damage all done at once? That's how Lunar Odin does his dual Zantetsuken and it is nearly impossible to survive; I only say nearly because I've seen it once and it didn't deal 9,999 damage. I think Leave has the best chance of making it through, but he'd be nearly dead at that point, so then he'd be easy pickings for Lunar Odin.





Even though this fight is just a slugfest, I really like fights like this; it's exciting, to me at least, knowing that you have a limited amount of time to drop the boss before he unleashes his super-mega-powerful attack and just drops your ass like a sack of bricks.



I'm bringing Kim back, as I'm going to need her. There's an alternate way to defeat Lunar Odin and a Black Mage is required for it.





See, Lunar Odin is on a set pattern.



At a certain point in that pattern, if you cast any Thunder related spell on him (even regular ol' Thunder will work), it'll instantly kill him.



I've never got it to work right, and there's a small window to do it in.



If done right, you'll get the message, "Lightning courses through Lunar Odin's sword!" and he'll just straight up die.



The biggest part of it, besides the timing, is just surviving to that point. I think GameFAQs has a thing on it; I'll look that up.

Ah, here it is:


So, that part about him casting Holy, we just went through. If you can survive to this point and hit him with a Thunder spell, you've won the fight.



I, however, didn't do that.



But it's okay, really.



As that Thundaga finishes off Lunar Odin and we've won this fight!



I can understand Lunar Odin having this much cash; he's a king and shit.



Cecil gained a level from this fight, too.



And we win the Lunar Odin Grimoire, adding it to our collection.



This is the second time I've been worthy, Lunar Odin. I'd have thought you'd remember who we are.





Cecil doesn't say his "On to the next!" line for his own Trial. Jackass.



But, we're done with this update!





We rest up and save our game.

Next time, we'll be doing Rosa's Trial, and it's a doozy. Stay tuned!