Part 51: Update Forty Nine: The Ninja's Trial

Update Forty Nine: The Ninja's Trial

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we beat Lunar Asura like a red-headed step child and completed Rosa's Trial. Today, Goemon is the one being tested, so let's mosey.



We're skipping straight to the Trial today. The floors leading down weren't really worth seeing; the best thing I found was a piece of armor for Bowser called the Dragoon Plate. It adds +10 to his Stamina and that about sums it up.



Now, there were a lot of complaints about this Trial in the thread, but I don't see where they're coming from. It's piss easy to do and the Lunar boss is about as complicated as a two dollar whore.





The camera starts to pan around.





It's, uh...



If so, Cecil, it looks like shit. I'm no castle specialist, but I think if your castle looks like this, you're fucked. But, hey, maybe I'm wrong.



Goemon, you're a fucking idiot. This looks like a playground for a crooked contractor.





Goemon splits from the party and takes a look around himself.



His eyes fall on this tower.



Why do you give a shit?



Don't go off on your own, you idiot!



Look, Goemon, I've been trying to make a decent case for you being a likable character, but you're really starting to fuck that up for me.



Goddammit.



Y'know, Cecil, you could just let him go get killed. That'd learn him a thing or two.



Then again, I guess it's pretty Paladin-y to make sure he doesn't die.



Goemon, did you walk straight into a hole?



You're such a fuck up, you know that?



With that out of the way, let's start this Trial. As I said before, I actually kind of like it.



Cecil, you don't seem thrilled about this.



We start by going north.



And then to the left, past that pillar.



It might look like I'm heading to a dead end here, but rest assured, I'm not.





As this is only a "puzzle" due to the perspective.



Hey, that purple door looks important.



Aww.



And this doorway is just to fool you.



Trying to get to those doors, I encounter one of many, many enemies in here.



Palace Guards roam around here, as well as Lamia Queens and Goblin Princes.



After defeating a Palace Guard, they drop a Key. These unlock certain doors around here.



Maybe this door can be opened now!



But, first, something to show off about the Palace Guard.



It seems that when they're alone, they'll start using this attack.



Instant Petrification is all it does; nothing too major to worry about, but it is kind of annoying.



Damn. That Key goes somewhere else.



Let's take the left-hand door.





Hrm, two switches...Well, left got us in here, so maybe--



Fuck! Imagine the Metal Gear Solid alert noise here if you want to. I've linked to it enough this LP.





It's just a Palace Guard. And, by now, I have more than enough Keys.



Anyways, the switch we want is over here.



Damn, three switches. Let's try...



Far left is the ticket here, so let's move on.



There's a pot over there yonder, so let's check it out.



Free MP restoration is, in my opinion, better than a full HP restore. With full MP, I can fully heal my guys' HP, then just refill MP here.



So, let's pop up these stairs now.



This castle just looks like a huge sack of crap.



It's tempting to throw Goemon off the ledge, but I'll refrain for now.



We'll get higher before we throw him off.



Hey, this kinda looks like a throne room. Maybe I can complain to the owner about his shitty castle.



Keep these doors in mind for later.



As, now, we're going to tell this fucker to fix his castle.



Because it is fucking terr--



Goemon, you ass!



Man, ain't nobody like your castle! Goemon's an idiot!



I sincerely hope you're about to kick him in the dick.



Dropping him in a pit is also acceptable.



You're such a whiny bitch, Goemon.





We'll make it fun by going and kicking that guys' ass for having a stupid castle.



Why is there a purple loogie planted on the floor over there?



Oh, God, wall of flame!



I would hope so, Goemon. You could probably piss on that wall and it'd shatter.



For?



Oh. Remember that trick he did waaaay back when, in the Tower of Babel?



Well, it works again, but has a much more disastrous result.



Maybe I like this Trial because it keeps dumping Goemon down pits.



And he whines like a girl each time he lands.



Goemon, the only reason you survive any fights is because of the four people backing your stupid ass up.



Over near that red thingy, you can see some cracked floors. The upper ones are supercracked, while the others are just regular cracked.



We can walk over regular cracked floors, but it makes them super cracked. If you step on a super cracked tile, it drops your ass down.



So we walk over the crack we can and head through this red door.



Hmm. More cracks.



There we go. If we need to go back, then we've still got a way back.



Same thing there, too. Now, it might be tempting to head over to the right, since you can see a green door, but that's not the right way to go.



South is the right way to go.



And this is how you get across the blue gap.



By heading down one step and two steps to the right, we're already on the right path.



Then down two more steps and one to the right and we're free to step over here.



This one is a bit longer, but it's easy enough to remember.



Heading right three steps and up four steps puts us close to the purple door, but that's not the objective here.



Now, we go left four steps...



...And up eight steps.



And finish it off with five steps to the right.



Heading down, we pass by those stairs and toward another green door.



And then further down, we see that purple loogie from earlier, and a greeny one on the right.



We hit this one first and it looks like we can't get back.



But, south from there is this door.



We head through the door and then immediately turn around and go back through it.



To find the switch (as that's what those loogies are) still tripped and the tile we had further cracked back to regular cracked.



Alright, we hit this switch and then we've still got a way out.



I like it when things work out juuuust right.



...Oh, bugger, I can't get out this way.



Well, throwing Goemon into another pit is almost as good, if not better.





Good God, we threw him into a pit of lava. Excellent.



This looks like a damaging floor.



We know how to deal with those.



That was a secret passage to the left, so we weren't trapped in there, even though it kinda looked that way.





Heading south, we come to what looks like a dead end.



Secret passage on the right, leading to this chest.



Well, it's better than getting your butt caught in the toaster.



Heading back up and to the left, we go through another passage.



I skip that teleporter to get to this chest. And, why yes, Cecil is suddenly leading again.

See, encounters seemed to have been cranked the fuck up for this Trial. It's mostly just Palace Guards appearing solo, and I don't always feel like spending the MP to heal Petrification, so I ran from a lot of them. Holding down the turbo button and the shoulder buttons, make the characters cycle rather quickly after the battle.



I don't always notice this immediately. Plus, with this Trial being as easy as it is, I didn't have to pay full attention to it.



So, let's pop out of here.



We drop just below this door, so let's go in.



And we pop out here.



And then back into this purple door.



We appear outside of this one and now we just have to go a few steps to the left.



It was about here that I noticed Cecil was leading, when it should have been Goemon. I don't think I noticed at first, partly because Cecil has been leading the party for most of the game.



Eight steps up.



And then five steps to the right, just like before.



This Trial looks a lot bigger than it is. This castle is actually fairly small and the paths easy to figure out and navigate. Sure, I'm not showing the entire thing, but I'm just showing the most efficient route.

I'm still not seeing where all the hate for this Trial comes from. If you get lost, just look it up, it's not that big of a deal. Do you have any idea how many times I've referenced a guide for these Trials? It's not like you're going to lose any sort of gamer cred for using a guide and if that's why you're not using one, quit being a fucking tool and use one.





Your first instinct might be to use that door, but that's not the right thing to do.



There's a secret passage over here.





Then you duck into this little alcove next.





I think this is the most ninja-ey thing Goemon has done all game; being hidden behind a wall, I mean.



Hey, look, another encounter I fled from because I don't like being Petrified!





From what I could tell, there's no danger of falling off here.



A locked door, huh.



Ohhh. It's an Umbrella designed castle. That explains a lot.



One of the Keys won from the Palace Guards is the ticket here.



There's more secret passage shenanigans around here.





Then we head up around here.



And we hit another free MP heal. How convenient.



Then we head back out and keep going up.



Through this secret passage and to another door.



Thank God it's not the Thimble Key. My sources tell me that it'd be a bitch to find.



Hmm...Where to from here?



If you'll notice, on the left side, there's one spot with shadow and one without; the one without is the secret passage.



Head north from there to this secret passage.



And then go up while in said passage and pop through this doorway. Or whatever it is.



Ah, it was a staircase.



That leads to these double doors, which we promptly go through. We're almost done here.



And, hey, we're back in that throne room.



What? No he didn't, Goemon.



No matter how much you hope, Your Lordship, it never pans out that way.



I don't think he gives a fuck.



Y'know, there is a thin line between bravery and stupidity, Your Lordship.



Battle? Why are we fighting?



Ah, hell, who cares. Let's just kick this guy's ass.



Lunar Ifrit is, from what I can see, the biggest pussy out of these Lunar guys.



Sure, his physical hits are strong, but haven't all of their physicals been hard-hitting?



Usually when they change stance, it leads to something bad. In this stance, he can cast Fira and Firaga, both of which are entirely pathetic and should be laughed at.



He has 110,000 HP, with a nasty weakness to Ice. He also absorbs Fire, but that's not going to come into play.



However, Blizzaga might not be the best idea to use in this fight.



You'll see why in a second.



Oh, and this is the attack he drops into this stance to use. I don't know why, because it's completely shitty.



Back to the Blizzaga thing.



9,999 damage, probably as you expected.



However, you might not have seen this counter coming.



Remember, Goemon doesn't have any resistance to Fire, so this is full-strength Scorch. To Cecil or Bowser, this only deals about 1,300 damage, which is acceptable to me. I'll be spamming Blizzaga this entire fight.



And this is Lunar Ifrit's other move.



What the fuck is up with this guy?





Stupid-ass boss fight for a stupid-ass castle. We get the usual amount of gil and XP for this fight.



And the Grimoire of Lunar Ifrit.



After the fight, Goemon gets a new pair of gloves. I'm surprised he didn't get a new katana.



And then falls down another hole. I kinda like this ending.







Eh, it wasn't bad.



If you do that, Goemon, I hope your horrific monster of a father comes back and beats your ass.





Keep pestering him, Goemon, and it'll be in his boot, which will be firmly planted up your ass.



I think it's a bad thing when your teammates think you're a fucking moron, Goemon.







Cecil, if you move fast enough, you can leave him behind.





Before leaving, Goemon takes one final look at the shitty castle.

: Onto the next, you stupid twat!



He's going to have so many wet dreams about this place.



He'll lose some Strength, but the defensive boosts are worth it. These gloves also change his Steal command to Plunder, which works just like Mug does in the other Final Fantasy games. However, he still has that chance of taking damage.





Anyways, we're done here and with this update.

Next time, we'll be doing the master Dragoon's Trial, so stay tuned!