Part 48

Chapter 40

Finally starting up Kain's Tale.



Now, Kain's Tale is a bit interesting in the WiiWare version. I've explained this already, but to refresh, in the cell phone release, Kain's Tale was its own separate thing. Ceodore's Tale was separate and had its own Challenge Dungeon.

The WiiWare version combined Ceodore's and Kain's Tale into one mutant Super-Tale, also merging their Challenge Dungeons into one Challenge Dungeon abomination or something. Or maybe Ceodore's was just cut, I don't remember. At any rate, since Kain's Tale continues from Ceodore's, Square just put the two together so you don't have to spend yet another $3 on this shit.

The problem is, most people will obviously go from Ceodore's directly into Kain's without knowing this. This is bad because Kain's Tale ties directly into other segments and will spoil them. This update for instance includes the ending of Porom's scenario, while future ones will deal with Damcyan, thus making things a tad more confusing if you haven't played Edward's Tale first. So yeah.

From what I hear, the PSP fixed this, and now both tales are separate, both have their own CD's, and you'll do Kain's after the others.

Alright, let's begin this wonderful tale.



Last time we played, Ceodore and the Hooded Man just finished the Mist Cave. We won't be seeing them today, thankfully.



Instead, we're going to visit Mt. Ordeals. After all, this is Kain's Tale, is it not?






That is our entire intro.



Kain looks out, mumbles a bit, and now we're in control. Today's just another ordinary day in the life of Kain.



There's monsters, but Kain will kill them in one hit anyway.



Some nice Mythril equips on this mountain. Kain already has some, but considering he can share equipment with the Hooded Man for some mysterious reason, these will come in handy when we regain control of the other team.

Of course, I'll be stripping Kain before we do that.



(Not yet...)




Where are you!?



Time to backtrack.



(That voice... It's no mistake. I am hearing something...barely...)



It's close.









So KluYa decides to lure Kain into the Evil Twin world for whatever reason. Say, didn't we already do this shit in FF4 Advance?




What?




Who are you!?




Evil Kain dives in to battle...



If this was by itself, this is where the title screen for this section would be.



The designers of this game are really fucking proud of their image of two moons considering how often they show this thing.



Anyway, we come back to Kain once again overlooking the world. Whatever happened in that room didn't seem to phase him any.



!?









Have we met before?
I am Porom, white mage of Mysidia.




Thankfully, the game skips to the end of Porom's Tale. Still going to be retreading some ground, so hold tight.






This is it--the real thing.
It's yours.
Wait, Kain!?
A wise choice.
On one condition, though.
What?
I'll give it to you only after I finish what I set out to do.
And what is that?
An audience with the king of Baron.
And for what?



!
Understood. Bring the Crystal with you.









So of course we're going to do the Devil's Road again. Joy.



All in due time.



Thankfully, this trip is much less annoying. The path is linear, so no multiple paths. I also got really lucky and didn't run into many monsters in the first floor. Lava won't damage you, either. It's mainly an excuse to have several scenes of Kain and Mysterious Girl talk about absolutely nothing.



As the king of Baron, he's perfectly fine.



There's no need for you to know.



A dragoon. Ex-Baron.
I see.



So after that riveting conversation in which we learn so much, it's time to go through the second part, which is pretty much unchanged other than the tougher enemies. May need to spend a Hi-Potion or two here.



It's a short trip, and we're soon at Baron.




Baron town is uneventful besides family members being happy that a family friend that can kick ass is back. After the usual town looting, it's time to enter the castle.








On the bright side, we don't have to go through the Baron Waterway. With this game, I'd expect it.



These guys all say the same thing. You can loot Baron castle, though the nice treasure room is blocked. Cecil's room is also blocked, which is a shame because I want to laugh at Ceodore sleeping with his parents one more time.



I know.
Let me ask you again. What do you plan to do when you see Cecil?
Nothing has changed. Cecil will die by my hands!
I see.



Even Mysterious Girl thinks Kain is a great big weirdo.






I want to test your resolve.
I told you already. I intend to kill him.
But can you?




I will, once my business is done. We agreed on that.
The Crystal's that important to you?

Seriously, what the fuck. The Mysterious Girl has no problem just nuking Palom and Leonora when they resist to get the Earth Crystal. Why is she playing along with this shit? How do you know you can trust this blood-thirsty lunatic?



Why do you hate him so much?
That's none of your concern.



What?
Do that, and I'll arrange an audience with Cecil for you.

Wait, why are you sending this guy to get the Crystals? Why are you sending the sociopath to do this when he could just steal the Crystals and run away or destroy them or whatever? We certainly know she's capable of getting the last two herself, after all. Why trust a guy that's bonkers?

You really suck at being a villain, Mysterious Girl. Even your godly Mary Sue powers are no match for the idiocy of the writers.



At any rate, Kain accepts this mission with the resolve of an eight-year-old who finally decided to eat their vegetables after much goading.

I still need the Wind and Fire Crystals.



Of course, we already know Kain will take the Wind Crystal. We won't be going through that again.

I will lend you an airship and a company of soldiers.
Fair enough...





So with that, Kain decided to randomly get Crystals because some random girl said she'd let him meet Cecil so he can kill him.

This game is the most fuckingest stupid shit jesus christ.

Next time, we continue the adventures of Hooded Man and Brain Damage Boy.