Part 12: Scripted Stealth Sequence

you racist fucks are destroying this wholesome thread


"oh never mind, you can't see that high"


"You met a girl!"

In this village of eight-year-olds.






"Oh. So not only do we have a little midget on our team, but we have a little gay midget on our team. I don't wanna see you tryin' to hump my leg, you hear?"


"I'd tell you not to hump her leg, either, but now I know I don't have to worry about that."

"So, what were you staring at?"

"That's the sound chocobos make..."


awkward silence




I mistimed my screenshot here, but one of those kids comes and grabs Makakao and drags him off screen.


"But not before we check out our next ATE."




"All I need to do now is keep quiet until the guests leave...
Gotta pretend I'm asleep!"


Suuuuure, buddy.


"How do you like this village? Pretty different from the castle, I bet."


"But...
Where are all the adults?"




"We'll leave once Makakao gets back."
"But... what about Huihui?"




speak of the devil




This is what Dutiful Daughter Slai meant last time when she told us that she already had someone helping her out.


"Uhhhh... why AM I helping you?"


"I need to know about what transportation method people use in this village.
I cannot tell you the reason, but there is someone I must escort to the castle."
"Are you from Alexandria Castle?"




"who the fuck are they"




Just as an aside, you can't even tell that there are textures for a nose and mouth on these models on the PSX.






"very interesting," yeah i got that one a lot when i told chicks that i wanted to write children's books


"You're right. He is late."




"I don't know what you're talking about!"




actually sounds more like someone's snorting a line but whatev






"Don't worry, we'll get you out."



Let's head over to that windmill where the kid was sitting on a thing.





SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIR




"SHUT UP WOMAN CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BEING SNEAKY SOMETIMES YOU ARE SO FUCKING ST--oops"










"IT BETTER BE GOOD, THE NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO DRAG ME AROUND YOU'RE GONNA GET SUCH A MEDIEVAL WIFEBEATING"


"NO SHIT I WAS HIDING BEHIND IT"
"I've seen the exact same pattern on some of the barrels at the castle."




"fucking fuck this is a wine barrel you idiot, the queen is just getting crunk i can't believe you dragged me away for this"


btw that turnip-looking thing is a chocobo

and that yellow peacock thing is a gyshal

(in case you didn't know)

Going further in...



There is also a Save Moogle here. I suppose it has its uses, but only if you have OCD.


This dungeon is also full of interaction puzzles. You examine boxes to jump up on them, examine that level to kick it and get the chest hanging over there (which obviously contains a measly potion), that sort of thing.


"Oh yeah? Well he better fuckin' stop it before I give him something to cry about"






"I've never even heard of that fetish before"


"Why didn't you help me you were like ten yards away "
"Hey ten yards rushing is pretty far. I'm not Inoke Funaki okay"


"You should try--screaming back or whatever."






"Oh, no, I'm not falling for that trick, you're gonna, like, hump my leg the second I look away aren't you"


"... Oh"


"This isn't a Mist engine, but there's Mist coming out of it..."

Now, this isn't really explained until later (if ever in non-optional dialogue), but Mist--the same Mist that makes monsters--has been harnessed as this world's industrial power source, and pretty much all machinery is powered by it.


"Do you smell what I smell?"
"No Kilika what do you smell"
""


Open the door and...


... you fight some Mist Monsters.

They're weak enough, but once you open this door--which you have to do now because you can't come back later--you will start getting random encounters in this area. Leave it shut, and you can just walk through in peace.






Because, genius, they're obviously using the Mist for something else.


Just what for is still a mystery, but it's obvious that it's being used for something other than energy generation.




"the part where they're not GAY"








Yes, don't tell them that someone is coming, just whisper it to yourself and sling everyone over your shoulder.







Suddenly...



Some boxes drop down, sending us along this conveyer belt. That guy on the right either wants to get fired, or his job description is literally "stand there watching boxes go past you and don't actually check their contents."

And the screen fades to black.

NEXT TIME

a cameo appearance by kiefer sutherland