Final Fantasy IX Part #17 - Tourist 3

Part 17: Tourist 3 - Lindblum

what the fuck is a tpk i must become knowledgeable of these modern nuances of the language

We begin our tour today by lifting some Silver Gloves from this Workshop.

Silver Gloves are like the single most important Synthesis material ever and you can no longer buy them past Disc 2.

We also need to buy some more equipment to Synthesize shit with.

"He used to be a cool guy, but he turned into a faggot after he got diagnosed with Magic Cancer"

Card Freak Gon also lives in Lindblum. You can win a couple of crappy cards from him.

So I did

You might also note that my Cactuar Card's stats have increased. This is because whenever a card wins a CARD BATTLE, there is a(n incredibly small) chance for it to gain stats. Your Collector Rank is also tied to the number of cards you have with either an X attack type, or alphabetical strength. I tried grinding up my other cards for like an hour to show this to no avail, until my computer crashed.

Fortunately I've gotten into the habit of keeping save states because of my computer's deteriorating condition, so it was cool. I also had framerate capped at 200 for some reason, so I assume part of the reason my computer was heating up so fast was that even though it was only running at 60, it was trying to do 200, much like the Starcraft 2 code shitstorm where they forgot to program an fps cap because "no machine could run SC2 at 60 fps anyway," only to forget the part where it was more than possible for this to happen on MENUS, which fried a few graphics cards before someone realized this and wrote a hardfix line of code that Blizzard tried to take off the Internet at every turn. I guess it's easier to scour the Internet to cover up a gigantic mistake than it is to man up and fix it?

Fairly certain that turning my FPS cap down to 60 has done my computer some good, I got in a proper two and a half hours of FF9 in last night.

I think this screenshot right here can be like the poster child of the golden age of lovingly-crafted video games, and the most beautiful landscape in FF13 can be the poster child of not giving a shit.

"It's about killing the fuck out of some monsters."

"looks like you needed that hour-long walk you fatass"

well that's kind of mean of me to say, i would probably be a fatty too if i didn't walk a couple miles every day

For a second, I thought this might be a reference to the US Admiral Nimitz who lost a notch of his finger to a diesel engine, but then I remembered that, as long of a highway that the one in Hawaii named after him is, Squaresoft's branch probably wasn't built along it, and this would probably be way too obscure of a reference even for the FF9 team.

It was probably along Ala Moana Blvd. or Kapiolani or one of their through streets, possibly Kalakaua but that street is much more Tourist than Business. Maybe even Beretenia or King St., but that's way too close to Hotel Street to be the case, I'm sure.

It was a sad day in Hawaii when Squaresoft closed its doors. We all knew it was because that awful, overambitious movie flopped (though, ironically, it probably would've made nearly a billion today), but not only were aspiring youths crushed, but so were their parents who thought that perhaps Those Nintendos Might've Inspired Their Son/Daughter To A Future After All.

Well, at least it killed my silly pipe dream of being the director of a shitty JRPG and gave the almost-equally-silly pipe dream of being a children's book author, and changed my post-graduate employment options (barring the usual suspects) from "Squaresoft localization slave" or "local broadcast station grip" to "Gaijinworks localization slave" or "local broadcast station grip."

why would you name your child hunk

I'll let you make of this what you will.

(actually he's talking about where you should put the engine in an airship)

So it's probably safe to assume that this is either the very late 18th century, or early-ish in the 19th Final Fantasy Century.

I hate cats, they eat lizards, and I like lizards, and they are lazy fucks that will let huge-ass rats just chill out next to them all day.

Maybe this only happens in Hawaii or something

Maika'i NPCs: 13

"it uses domestic animals"
"well a cow is technically a domesticated animal"
"you know what i mean"
"a man can hope"

We also find a Bronze Vest--a visible upgrade for Kilika--for free right outside of the Doom Pub.

I guess since you can see that it gives us a stat boost right now, now's as good a time as any to talk about a very secret, very spergy mechanic in FF9: "Max Stats."

You can read more about this on GameFAQs if you want, but the basic gist goes like this:

• Your base stats grow slowly over time as you gain levels, obviously.
• When you gain levels with base stat-boosting equipment on, the "bonus" points from the equipment go into a "pool" per stat. So if we gained a level now, our Bronze Vest would give us +1 point in the Spirit stat pool
• When the pool reaches 32, you gain one permanent point in that base stat.
• With +1 per level, that's maybe 3 extra points by the end of the game.
• If you game your equipment and use multiple armors that give boosts to the same stat, you'll get more points, faster.
• We will be using this to a certain extent in this playthrough. Kilika's "guaranteed-9999" spell's damage formula is [Speed*(# of successful steals)], so every extra point I can get in Speed counts, but I won't be going full-on balls-to-the-walls with this and going it low level, I'll just be doing this as it's convenient to my inventory.

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR NON-SPERGING PROGRAMMING

"so what does it do"
"well it runs"
"yes but does it run anything"
"uhh"

Why don't we paint big pink DICKS on them

Squaresoft outdid themselves with Huihui. They really went out of their way to make him a big lovable dummy. He's, marketable, heavily armored, and somehow cute and endearing. I could swear I saw one years ago, but failing that, I suppose you can't make a promotional doll of everything.

"It's the Hilda Garde 2.
Since it is equipped with a steam engine, developed by the regent himself, it can fly without Mist."

A big, lovable dummy.

Ah.

The only other game with silly things like this that comes to mind is Mother 3. It is not surprising that they are two of my three favorite games of all time.

Hey, dude from the thread, you were right! I never thought about this sign until now, but I was looking for it this time. The Tantalus Theatre Troupe really did take over the Color Fortunes building.