Part 22: I Hate Airports

No, the title has nothing to do with the update. But, it is an update written in an airport because this plane has been delayed for... four five SIX hours now OH FUCKING GREAT THEY NEED TO FIND A MOTHERFUCKING REPLACEMENT PART THAT THEY DO NOT EVEN HAVE. Because those incompetent chucklefuck mechanics couldn't be arsed to do their job and check the fucking plane for problems when the plane was docked overnight. I don't have a hotel, I don't have my luggage, there aren't any alternate flights out of here because Hawaiian Air apparently only runs one flight out of here a day, so I am literally stranded in the goddamn Sacramento airport. This is exactly what I wanted to do after graduating.

And in the middle of writing this, an angry black guy came up to me and demanded--in wild-eyed, frothing African American Vernacular English--that I give up my seat for his fat-ass butt-ugly wife who already happens to be sitting in her I'm Too Fat And Lazy To Walk Scooter when there are a dozen other seats in this goddamn wing of the airport. I told him to fuck off and he has been glaring at me angrily for the last forty sixty minutes two hours. While he sits on the floor, next to an empty row of seats. Because he REALLY wants his wife to sit in my chair specifically or someshit and refuses to sit elsewhere. Ahahahaha and now he just went to some airline counter person trying to get them to kick me out of my seat, he's gesticulating wildly and pointing right at me. He must think he's like the Rosa Parks of African American Airport Rights, this is just too perfect for this LP.


So ANYWAY


there is also World Map Chocobo Hot & Cold.


The prizes are a lot better than what you get in normal Chocobo Hot & Cold, but it is also much more difficult and frustrating because you only get one level of indication as to how close you are to the treasure, which can lead to running around for five to ten minutes at a time in one stretch of "Kweh!?" area. It is somewhat forgiving, but not nearly enough, and the slowdown my computer gets only makes this worse.




We also can't get this treasure yet, and it will continue to be unavailable until the third disc.


oh sup


FUCK that is horrifying

False. Actually 1601, I believe.





This is a pretty iconic enemy, I think it's on the back of the jewel case.


I don't actually know what it's called, but whatev'.


There's also an area in which the sun changes color. This has to do with an area that we can't reach right now.


If you look hard enough, you'll find another gate area.


This place should look familiar.


You can also find the Moccha Coffee here, as hinted at by the ATE with Cinna.


We spent long enough messing around with Chocobo Hot & Cold that the frogs had time to respawn. Baby Frogs are probably your best bet as far as what you want to catch goes. Their gender isn't determined yet, so they have no bearing on the respawn rate at the marsh you caught it at.


We're here to bring our total up to 9.


Our prize is the Silk Robe, a considerable upgrade as far as our equipment options go right now.


It isn't much stronger, but its passives are AMAZING.

Ability Up increases the rate at which you earn AP for mastering abilities, which is essential for high-AP mages, and Loudmouth (grants immunity to Silence) is also invaluable for characters whose usefulness relies on spellcasting.


And now, at long last, we continue with our journey.


We were supposed to have been here, like, weeks ago.




WELP


"I don't know if I should, like, console her, or start whistling Yakkity Sax"

I HAVE MADE MY DECISION

"That's why they're all dead. Because you didn't do shit. Hahaha."


"Oh boy this just keeps getting better"


"... But if she did, and if she's responsible for this, then she is such a keeper"


yakkity_sax.mp3




it's okay ff9 we all mistype things sometimes

Anyway for continuity's sake, yes, he gives us a bell that we can ring to open these doors.

I think this is some kind of callback to a thing in FF2 where you needed a bell to open a door or walk through a mirror or get raped by a jolly green giant, who can remember.




Well that is a really cost-effective security system


GIVE ME YOUR SEAT




there's a kfc joke here somewhere


Oh and it's these two assholes again.


They sic their mages on us, and this is that scripted EXP-giving encounter that Orange Fluffy Sheep was talking about.




Easy enough, I guess.


You also can't eat them. Oh well.


Note that Makakao is feeling kinda bummed out right now on account of the Black mages so he doesn't actually do a victory pose. Attention to detail!


I'LL GET YOU SOME DAY GADGET


So I thought this guy was dead but he's not, and he gives you another bell for saving him.


Ooh, a big door. It's very inviting, so I'd better take the small one off to the side here.


You can find a pair of Mithril Gloves and a Magus Hat here.


Its Slow is just another small spell to add to our arsenal, but all additions are welcome.

When you approach the big bell in the middle...

you see a Moogle who has a furniture fetish.




not my problem


Oh, I guess it is, never mind.


Oh great, it has a smell fetish, too.


"You, you're my baby's daddy!"
"fffffff"






what the fuck is this shit like a crack rock or someshit




Well I guess that helps.

Unfortunately, the door on the left doesn't work with a Gizamaluke Bell, so we're stuck going to the right.

And that's where we'll be going NEXT TIME, but first...

... if you try to go out through the door in front of the bell, you can't because it's locked. Even if you have a Gizamaluke Bell. Oh well.

you know i hate to trawl for responses and shit but like

you guys wanna entertain me or someshit while i am stuck here like seriously