Final Fantasy IX Part #26 - In Which Golbez Steals The Crystal From Fabul

Part 26: In Which Golbez Steals The Crystal From Fabul

Titled thusly because we're about at the equivalent place as far as "beginning of the game to the end credits" goes. And because I'm also playing FF4 Advance and have been grinding those optional summons for like two weeks before bedtime already.

Very soon we will be climbing Mount Very Difficult Trials and making Kilika into a Ninja or some faggot shit like that

In case you were wondering, no, you can't actually push that statue over. Or maybe you can and I just didn't try enough times.

"Don't let him root through too many trash bins, you hear?"

"HE'S JUST TRYING TO GET OUT OF PAYING CHILD SUPPORT"

"asshole"

That statue crumbling causes this one outside to fall over. This is not a skippable event.

whoa what the fuck

FUCK FINALLY WE'RE ALMOST THERE

There is a Save Moogle in the room on the right.

Oh it's that Atla asshole we've been carrying a letter around for forever.

"I have. That 'map of the entire world?' LSD, it's like seeing the entire world though. Sometimes."

He also has more errands for us to run.

If you open the box in the back, you get a Lightning Staff, saving you much headaches in the near future, and switching the trigger that makes Stiltzkin come around.

It's not a bad deal.

The room on the left has a new spear for 'Iole.

"It's pretty light and easy to use."

"I mean, it's okay when Time Mages move in, they're just really good with numbers is all. I'm okay with those horny, dogfucking Summoners, too, it's their culture and we should respect that. Geomancers I'm a bit sketchy on, they come in and do a lazy job of things and they wear those odd hats, but you can pay them dirt. But once those damn Black Mages come around, it's time to find greener pastures and sell, if the property's even worth anything once they decide to move in."

Reis's Wind is pretty good. It's cheap and casts Regen on the party, and it lasts for a respectable length of time.

"By which I mean this entire city is a shithole."

we have our priorities straight

no shit

"Now we can laugh without her hearing us"

"FUCK DAMN Makakao you don't laugh THAT loud"

"You are an unending fountain of uselessness.
I'm gonna go on ahead. Try to find a way up here. I'll meet you up top."

"whoops i slipped"

FLASHBACK BOO HOO HOO

I WOULDN'T EITHER

"At a time like this? Are you retarded?"

MYSTERY MAN must be important because he has his own theme

"My only concern now is finding the king of Burmecia."

"They probably moved to the sandy tree house by now..."

"Kuja, what do you think? Surely, with your powers, there must be something you can do."

He's supposed to be bowing here, but he more looks like he just has to throw up right now

"He's Kuja, weren't you listening?"

"The ones who left thought that the new Olde Ynlgʃ translation of Lord Avon's plays were really clever and cool, we kicked them out for lack of taste"

"oh shit there are, like, TONS OF QUARTERS on the ground here gimme a minute"

"That's the last time I wait for people to pick up seventy dollars' worth of quarters before fighting them"

"Well a centipede is a sort of insect and those are crawly and awful and impossible to kill and they bite the fuck out of you and give you the necrotizing fasciitis"
"Those are Chilopods you ignoramus"

So of course you want to cast Reis's Wind. Makakao can also smack Beatrix around with the Oak Staff, and will inflict Slow if he was Add Status equipped.

Just to show how obscenely many MP bosses have,

That's 3,381. Beatrix doesn't even need 200 MP.

This is a somewhat scripted battle, by the way.

The idea is to just survive. Unlike, say, Star Ocean 2, there is no indicator that this boss is invincible, and she does not scale up to your level or do obscene amounts of damage. You can steal from her, though her items suck and you can buy them at the next-earliest opportunity, which is a good idea on account of this battle only lasting about ten rounds, and you can actually, y'know, do damage, even if her ability-type attacks generally one-shot you.