Final Fantasy IX Part #33 - Double Feature

Part 33: Double Feature

sudonim posted:

Daaaaammmmn. You blew my dare away. You want some kind of forums upgrade? My treat.

Well, you don't have to, but that would certainly be generous of you. I haven't got any forums upgrades, so whatever comes to mind, I guess. Thanks!

And now

makakao regales us with his exceptional vocabulary

As much as I would love to do something like pretend Kilika said, "oh don't worry kids are tough as nails he's okay,"

he actually does so I can't take credit for it.

It's very hard to quickly capture enough images to illustrate Puck getting tossed away by the Antlion so you will have to take my word for it.

Here it comes? Here it comes? Why don't you just walk away from it?

The Antlion can use this attack to cause Trouble to a character. It's a really crappy status effect to get because it does 1/4 of the damage a Trouble'd target takes to the rest of the party.

The Antlion's "big item" is a piece of shit and I think you can buy it sooner than later. Still, it teaches Huihui the Mental Break skill so you can skip over the Icebrand if you absolutely need to.

It also uses Counter Horn, a throwback to FF4's Antlion boss who used a Counter spell whenever it was targeted with a physical attack.

Still, it's a pushover.

Puck's vocabulary is eternally frozen in commercials from the turn of the century.

and people still give working designs shit for that to this day

"Nah, I don't wanna see him! Just tell him I said hi, okay?"

Folks think Puck is a jerk but I think he's just an abrasive dude with a heart of gold.

I'd say I'm a lot like that, except I have a heart of brass instead

"Yes and he says 'fuck you dad i hate you forever you never should've given me lickins with a nail bat'"
"Well in retrospect perhaps I shouldn't have hit him that hard with it"

This is perhaps the most accidentally-memorable scene in all of FFIX.

actually she hasn't yet on account of not looking like a arabian harem consort

un tss un tss un tss un tss un tss

"The strings have snapped..."

Well that's what you get for playing techno on a harp.

Obviously these are lines of scorchingly hot air because holy shit that sandstorm is turning to glass on the spot

Perhaps we should've told him about that part before 'Iole did that retarded dance

Why? Because you're worried that they'll run into all kinds of horrible fucking monsters? Stop being such a pussy, they're the bad guys so it's okay if they die.

"What did she call him? A Birthday Gimp? She does so love to get herself presents."

"I think she ate him when she was done, perhaps he is controlling her from the inside"

I dunno, did you ever think that his contract might've expired? Actually, you probably didn't.

Great timing on that.

"Did you... Is it true that you are responsible for the destruction of Burmecia?"

"That was your aunt. She is much fatter than I am."
"I didn't know I had an aunty"
"Well she is my twin. You have to believe me, because I'm Brahne til Alexandros of Alexandria."

FUN FACT! In Hawaii, very few people call their aunties "aunts." It is almost always "aunty," and is never pronounced as the nearly-an-ɔ but is instead a mid-front æ that is almost an ɛ. It also seconds as a term to reduce social distance between oneself and a distinctively elder female. Compare to: LADY
"Eh aunty you look lost, you need directions?"
vs
"FUCK LADY where you learned how to drive, the mainland?"

"You have an evil twin? That's the dumbest fucking plot twist I've ever heard!"

"It would seem that your mother has gotten the wrong script. The one she's holding in her hand right now is for the fourth-worst game I've ever played."

(no seriously ff12 is the fourth-worst game i've ever played. it follows on the coattails of star ocean 3, ff13 and the absolutely positively most horrendous game i have ever had the displeasure of wasting my time on, ~~chopinime~~ eternal sonata)