Part 36: The Easiest Boss Fight

for the curious this is what Alexandria Castle looks like in the daytime


There are also guards hanging around the castle who will fight you if you run into them, but their reaction time is dismal so you can honestly walk right up to them and they won't start running for another five seconds




"Is she hiding behind the curtain? No."


"I hope you aren't hiding under the couch there, you know that's where the dog always hides and does its business"


"Holly stop playing around in the armor"


"Maybe they turned you into this weird-looking candle"


"oh, i guess it just opens a door to the queen's rape dungeon"


"--waaaaaaait a second what the fuck am i doing in a 900-pound slugbeast's rape dungeon"




came for the leather, stayed for the boss fight




So how this boss works is, Zorn gives Thorn flare power. If you hit Thorn at that time, he loses his flare power charge. Thorn gives Zorn meteor power, and if you hit him, he loses his meteor charge. If you keep doing this, they will never actually attack you.


The big challenge, then, is to steal the Stardust Rod (the only unique item in this battle that you can't buy yet) before you kill one of them trying to keep them from getting a single turn.


"bad game terran is op i hope you get anus cancer"












Now I mean I know this scene is supposed to be really dramatic and all, but Huihui's melodramatic flailing makes it kinda comical. Not that I have any problem with that, actually.




And Huihui is doing his best gorilla impression over on the side there



[Friendship]



nothin like a little bromance




This save moogle shows up conveniently.




i only cheat when i play that shitty card game so let's save legitimately


"why the fuck do i have to carry her god damn you really are brahne's daughter"


"Can't I, y'know, hop down there and sling her over my shoulders like a backpack while I shimmy down those bars, then hitch a ride on the Gargant? No, that would be too easy."


"From now on you are gonna eat just like the rest of us, no more of this raisinets for dinner bullshit"


No shit, they all left ahead of us.


"Why did you harm the princess!!!? Why!!!?"

i believe it was terry pratchett who said that using more than one exclamation mark in series is a sure sign of insanity


"She'd better, I'm not gonna lug her around forever like i was some kind of reticent overemotional dickbag"






I think it's right here that Huihui really starts turning a corner. He now fully realizes that he's been responsible for the princess and that he fucked up bad, but he needs someone other than himself to beat him up over it.


remind me again why we came back this way




oh yeah real mature kilika i haven't made fun of someone for being fat since i was like six

(obviously i'm still six)


yeah you've been doing a really great job of that lately btw










"... Didn't you just say that you were gonna kill us?"
"Well uh I mean"
"Ah! You screwed up! You gotta get blown off a bridge, or switch sides, or something"


"I'm sure you know who's sitting over there."


"The queen really did mean to kill her..."












"... But you can still save Holly."

Yes as though Beatrix didn't only know her as Garnet.

"I tell you this because I acknowledge your powers.
Help your princess."




"come on guys it's just a sleep spell, i mean if all else fails i'll probably just hit her like we were married or something and she'll wake right up"






Yay!








way to follow instructions


"Get rid of them."




Poor Huihui. Everyone really DOES always leave him behind.




damn you are one ugly muthafucka


HMM WHAT ARE THESE INTERESTING MENU COMMANDS


He was so scared at the mere prospect of being hit by Shock that he becomes afflicted with the coronary thrombosis.

NEXT TIME

kilika wanders into the wrong part of town

well i guess it's time to fire up the ol' ffhacktics utility and make a bromancer job class

wish i had a modded ps1, i'd burn myself a copy of fantastic fantasy tactics to play on a real tv