Part 45: I'm On a Kirkboat

'm On a Kirkboat




"Look I hate to break it to you but your mother is havin' a heart attack whether we go to the Sanctuary or not"


"Everyone in the village asked me to see the outside world and tell them all about it."


"Why don't you just eat some of these funny-looking mushrooms and tell them what happens instead"




"... Just like the rest of the continental US did after that one Adam Sandler movie was no longer relevant."

I think he is a very annoying actor. Horrifyingly enough, a good number of newer actors, like that whiny-looking bitchboy from the something-something Versus the World movie, or that weirdo with the big eyes from Elf, make him look good.



We synthesize some stuff before we leave.

The Extension doesn't have anything new, but all the women-only equipment is pretty good as far as boosting base stats goes. Actually, I think the Barrette is better, but this one boosts Thunder spell damage, so Ramuh is even more our new best friend who makes women move by particularly quickly whenever he's around.


The Rune Tooth is stronger than what we have right now, but it doesn't teach anything new either.

Lucky Seven is a weird skill. If the ones-digit of Kilika's HP is 7, it can do 7, 77, 777, or 7777 damage. But I guess a 1/4 chance to do acceptably high damage if you're paying attention to your HP isn't a bad thing to have. It's the rare player who will be paying that much attention, though, and definitely not me. I didn't even use it this playthrough.




ahem iz might i remind you that they prefer to be called little people




BLETHERATION

"What the heck is that ceremony?"
"Speak tae His Holiness!"


"And more importantly...
... did you eat Robert Dogherder or something?"


"What are you doing, hanging around this hallway?"
"Well... a priest has much tae worry aboot, ye see."
"Yeah... whatever. Look, we wanna get past this village."


"Well I could also approach the Sanctuary with my fist to someone's face but that wouldn't be sporting now would it"




"Ah dinnae ken yer words, lad, but methinks ye understan'."




awwww yeah just what we wanted


... wait no that ain't good for pimpin'


"well that's a relief"
"... But we have sae few young folk nowadays. We're doon tae ninety-nine couples.
But what's the hairm? Now we can have oor hundredth ceremony!"








"(We gotta do this ceremony to get past this village...)
(And only a guy and a girl can have the ceremony...)"

•••






"Yeah, but... But that's not reason enough!"



•••










Kilika is the best hero. He's not like some bitchpants mercenary or career knight; he probably isn't even a trained fighter beyond whatever he learned from the people he grew up around. More than anything else, he's just a acrobatic thespian storyteller.

Anyone could have the qualifications to go on such an adventure. Barring the backflips, I could. You probably could, too, unless your favorite physical activity is wastebasketball. Or if you consider video games a sport.














This is great balance for the melancholy stuff we got in the Black Mage Village.

Now, I only barely scratched the surface of studying literature before I accidentally took a Linguistics course and realized that's what I wanted to study, so I don't know if emotional counterweighting is used in literature or what. I know it happened in Shakespeare sometimes--if not all the time--at least in the form of veiled comic relief, or tragic setups to a comedic resolution. It seems like it would be a proper thing to do, at any rate, but maybe that's just my cultural mindset.

The concept of counterweight-balancing things is a pretty important part of Hawaiian culture--not like a balanced diet, but more of a yin-yang sort of thing. You do something saintly, you cause a lot of little troubles to balance it. I'm good at that one, haha. I mean I suppose you could balance it with something really abhorrent, but there aren't nearly enough trains around these days and sane people don't have the right facial hair to look appropriately dastardly while doing it.

But it's most evident in names: you marry someone white, you give your kids a white name and a Hawaiian name to represent a balance between both parts of their heritage; you give your kid a very normal name, you balance it with some wildly ridiculous paragraph-long middle name. And in the best case scenario, the names will balance each other; an acquaintance of mine named his son Stone, but the kid's middle name is some variation of "soft" in Hawaiian because a stone is hard.






"JUST WATCH ME LEAVE YOU BEHIND"


"... is what I want to say, but this would be so much more hilarious"
















The real Iz is now either rolling in his grave, or rolling with laughter.










quick kilika just stick your foot out


bah, you missed it

well stick your foot out anyway, SOMEone needs to fall over today


FEUCH

look i know you guys were trying to pull a fast one a slip a fuck past the esrb but feuch actually means a number of other things entirely, none of which works as a standalone interjective expletive






I've never actually not done the ceremony. I'm sure it's just walking to the weapon shop and seeing the same scene, though, except with everyone in your party.



NEXT TIME

a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food