Part 70: In Which Sex is Inferred
lady what the fuck is that on your head
"What? You chased him away? I know not who you are, but you have my sincerest gratitude."
"I haven't seen Your Highness in ages! Why, look how you've grown...
So, whatever brought you to this dreadful place?"
"Of course, that moustache... It really is you!"
"Hilda, come back to the castle <ribbit> and return me to my former self <ribbit>!"
"Dreadfully sorry, my sugar cup, but I surrendered your favorite airship to a man named Kuja."
Yeah I'm so tired of transcribing ribbits.
"I'm gonna make him pay! Please tell me all about him!"
•••
You know, that's always bugged me about the RPGMaker engine. The default is a cross-fade and it's very tedious to set up a momentary to-black transition like in, well, every other RPG ever. And then nobody bothers trying to set up the to-black transitions when they make games, and it just looks rather unprofessional.
"Oh all the time. It was like that Leblanc orgasm minigame"
"He just talked an awful lot.
Well, he divulged his master plan to me. I didn't even have to ask.
But what he spoke of... It was truly a scene from a nightmare."
"What did he say?"
wait what part of this is nightmarish, our world leaders do this on a daily basis
maybe it's the part where kuja's an illegal alien or something, i know i have nightmares about immigrants moving to and overrunning hawaii all the time
except all the immigrants are rich and white
Incidentally, it's more the previous generation that Hates White People (though some of them are doing a damn good job of teaching their children to keep their views). Educated Hawaiians are often of a somewhat similar mindset, but it has specified exceptions.
Like, assholes who move into their gated communities and set up their trust fund babies and send 'em to all-white (that is to say, not ACTUALLY all-white, but you need to have the money that only wealthy white immigrants have to afford it) schools? Fuck them. You could drag them out of their Lamborghinis kicking and screaming and tar and feather and draw and quarter them and the only ones who would stop you are of the same ilk.
But when folks go to the mainland for school and hook up with a haole and bring 'em back to Hawaii, even though they're immigrants, they immerse themselves in the local culture and don't distance themselves from becoming familiarized with what it means to live in Hawaii on a culturally anthropological level? Or some haoles move here with their young kids, and send their kids to public school, and have a downtown apartment or a normal house in the boonies just like everyone else. They might never speak Hawaiian Creole English (properly) or study the native language itself, but they are badass as hell and most of my generation of Hawaiians tends to think very highly of them.
ANYWAAAAAAY
"The taking of Hilda Garde 1 was a part of this process.
Which lead me to believe that my abduction wasn't a part of his plan.
He was a hopeless narcissist, but..."
"So please turn me back! <Ribbit!> I'm sick of being an oglop or a frog!
I'll never cheat on you again! <Ribbit!> I promise!"
"... Can your words be trusted?"
"I don't lie! <Ribbit!> I swear on my father's name!"
"Maybe I'll turn you into a hedgehog pie."
look, cid ix
i mean, you're the man and all but seriously shut up
Well, as long as you know you've misbehaved, game.
This is pretty much the third-most fourth-wall-aware game I've ever played.
•••
I dunno
That one always reminds me of the NPR theme.
Just like how FF4's sleep theme seems like it would lead into Thurl Ravenscroft's Mr Grinch.
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because you're supposed to call me 'sexy' and gimme a slap on--"
"FUUUUUCK"
yes, yes, later
after we check this shit out
This screen might look familiar, because it's where Huihui's "small town knight in the big city" ATE takes place. This is also the first time since then that you actually get a chance to see this bridge, and it is otherwise a completely unused asset in the game itself.
And now we can
What? No, fuck, I was told to come here
(actually the conference room is below the throne room, though it's never actually been called the conference room before)
Yes, good, Huihui. The grown-ups need to discuss grown-up things.
"... Kuja plans to use this world as a means of acquiring an even greater power.
We call our world GAIA.
But he calls his birthplace TERRA."
Gaia is, of course, the name of the
... Ehh, it's an acquired taste. Come to think of it, years and years ago before I actually bought this CD, I downloaded it, and lo and behold, this is from the exact same copy I had; the audio pops in the same places and everything.
as in TEAM FORTRESS
In a moment of narcissism, I searched "ff9 lp" on Google and got linked to a shortly-abandoned one that began and ended in December of last year. Apparently its gimmick was somehow related to Team Fortress 2, and instead of authentic Hawaii culture and language trivia, you had a gif of a disembodied, Dogmatically Australian head speaking in typed stereotypical Australian English. Usually I do like seeing multiple perspectives on a single point, and I mean I hate to talk bad because honestly it's not as if my shit don't stink, but this... I just don't even know.
"Awright, awright, you caught us. Yeah, we are."
"What!? Who!?"
"We're gonna kidnap...
*whisper whisper*"
"MY MOTHER!? WHAT!?"
"... The princess is missing."
"We'll find her. This is like our backyard."
"Hey, no prob."
"I don't know where Kuja went, but maybe we can find him if we go there..."
"The gateway that connects the two worlds is sealed, but Kuja said there is a place where the seal can be broken.
He said it's an old castle located in the northern area of the Forgotten Continent.
An explorer left a record of his trip to this particular castle on the Forgotten Continent.
If I remember correctly, he wrote that the cliffs were too steep to explore."
"Why"
"Because Ipsen was an explorer, right?"
"... No, his buddy sent him a telegram about how all was discovered and how he had to leave town immediately."
"Man Ipsen had some asshole friends"
"Nah I would totally do that"
(Mark Twain was a badass btw)
(That's the Hilda Garde 3 on the right there)
"We're having problems with the construction of the hull, though."
"Yes... I'm thinking about using the parts of the Blue Narciss for the body.
I realized that the Blue Narciss was a well-built ship when I rode in it."
"He probably thought telling me wouldn't affect his grand scheme."
makakao i have had it up to here with your outbursts young man
"I cannot find the princess! I've looked all over Lindblum!
The members of Tantalus aided me in my search, but..."
NEXT TIME
