Part 80: Don't Bother None

"I mean just reiterating but not that I really care"




"Because you're all useless in battle"




Well it looks someone just left a pimpin' pope hat in my chair


This room is ass. I hate it.


Once you press this button, these things light up and you have thirty seconds to get to the next room.

The problem here is that a group of them will light at once and if you're standing next to a lit one, you'll get a random encounter that you obviously can't finish in under thirty seconds.


It's shitty, but it's not necessarily a dick move because they always light up in the exact same order every time. Still, it's easy enough to forget the pattern, or not even notice that there's one in the first place, in your frustration.


The next room contains a panel that you can set "values" on. It affects the bearing on a movable platform in the next room. The correct setting is 4, I think, but it goes up to either 5 or 8, and you can get some okay treasures out of it if you go out of your way to change the setting on it enough times.


Talk about a chore, though, since there are still random encounters. Like I said, the treasures are merely okay, and nothing we haven't seen before, so it's best just to skip 'em unless you suck and aren't a Rank S Treasure Hunter yet.

If you go between the control panel room and the lift room enough times, your party will split in two so you can set the lift without running back and forth, but it's still a rather tedious process.


The lift will then take you to another room, which takes you to an elevation warp puzzle.




i don't know if this is clever social commentary on the state of email c.2000 but if it was then that's pretty amusing


Anyway this is the only really good screenshot I got of this room's layout, it's none too exciting but you can get a couple more highly mediocre treasures from it. I got one of them, but I said fuck it to the others because since I already have enough of everything, and because I'm also already Rank S.




"But think for a moment... Isn't life death itself? It must kill other life-forms to survive...
Sometimes it even kills those with whom it shares blood...
To live is to give life meaning, yet one must take others' lives to survive...
A mature civilization becomes aware of this paradox...
Terra's souls will sleep until they forget such nonsense. They will begin life in a new dimension."


... I dunno, are you suggesting we upload ourselves to The Matrix?




"We know more than you... We're not perfect, but we have friends who help us.
That's reason enough for us to live!"




What, do you tire of our self help book-ness?

That's probably my favorite line in a game ever, because it knows everything is just over-the-top and full of shit. It's very self-aware, but it's also in-character, so for all the Duchount-Vismagisters and Zwyœgn Walden-Wodans that shit up video games these days, we'll always have already reached transcendent localization in 1994.


Well now that's just cheating.




"holy shit a fella does not want to fuck with that"




"fuck y'all garland, i'm out"




"No! That what the people of Terra want.
Why aren't you asleep with the rest of them?"
"I was created to oversee Terra...
I exist to wait for a time when this world is without life or death..."
















Oh yeah just so you know, Garland's red chest thing is actually an empty cavity, that's kinda gross.


I'd say something about a heart attack but I'm not even sure he has internal organs at this point.








"Garland gave me everything without a fight.
Poor Garland... Bitten by his own dog...
This is no accident.
Fate has chosen me to become the new ruler of Terra!"


Well, that is a pretty fancy trick, I have to admit.

I, too, have always wanted to be able to levitate toward my enemies, that is a pretty psychological thing




What?

No, seriously, what? Didn't Kuja post those fucking Elemental Guards himself?




"That's not a very nice way to greet your brother."






"Scheming? Me? Watch as I defeat these enemies of Terra!
Come on, now! You may sleep alongside the souls of Terra.




I did not need to see this hi-res close-up of Kuja's codpiece. Well, neither did you, but misery loves company.


Kuja's favorite spell is Flare Star. It's much weaker than Ozma's, the formula of which is 60*LV, whereas Kuja's is 50*LV.


yes





One more hit and...



oh shit he's gonna summon lavos




















"It's Trance! You know how it works.
But a normal Trance won't be enough to defeat you... You're all as resilient as oglops.
Even tiny moogles possess the power of Trance... When I saw that in Gulug Volcano, I came up with a plan.
It was easy. I just needed to borrow the power from wretched souls that can't die...
Where did I acquire it? It was the Invincible, or should I say, that large eyeball in the sky?
The ship sucked up the souls of Madain Sari, the Iifa Tree, Alexandria, to feed upon them..."




"Obviously I have no idea, but you're gonna tell us anyway so may as well"


"The souls trapped inside the Invincible welcomed me with open arms.
They were fed up with being your prisoners, Garland.
So, Master Garland. You are no longer needed. And after you've worked so hard...
I shall rule Terra and Gaia with my unconditional love from now on..."

well that sounds, uh, fun, and by fun i mean kinda really gross








Somehow, this is more awesome than frying the Emperor with a bolt of lightning. Anyone can blast you with a bit of plot magic, but you only get kickin' folks off of cliffs in action movies. And The Lion King.


"Or should I kill you slowly and painfully to show you my love...
Oh, I've got a great idea! How's this? I'll make you pillars for my castle!
You'll all decorate my castle as a symbol of my eternal kingdom... How do you like that?"








"... What? What do you mean!?"
"I built you only to last until the worthy Genome, Kilika, grew.
It was too dangerous to let you last any longer than that.
There's a limit on your life... You'll be dead soon...
Even as I die, you'll have died without ever leaving your mark on the world..."


"Ha ha ha... Nice try, Garland, but I won't fall for your silly tricks... Garland?"






"... I'm finished?
I don't believe you! Why would I believe such a silly story!
You're telling me that I'll die soon, now that I'm more powerful than anyone?
I'm gonna... die!?
Lose my soul...?"




"I single-handedly brought chaos unto Gaia, but in the end, I'm nothing but a worthless doll!"








fabulous in life, glamorous in death