Part 83: Totally Doin' This
We begin today by picking up ninety-nine fucking potions.
No, seriously.
And with that, we've gotten all of the Chocobo Treasures in the entire world.
Why are all fat people either A) chill as a walrus hitting the bong or B) enormous stickling assholes? There's never an in-between.
"This world is only for chocobos. Let's go home.
You can come visit. It's not like you'll never see Choco again."
yeah i bet it's 'cause you're gonna eat him
"But I'll give you something in exchange."
go post something on youtube you fat fuck
this is a fantastic idea and there is no way it could possibly go wrong
Yet another animation pose that is only ever used once.
"This is not good."
"You're the one who needs Choco, Mene."
"When you leave, try visiting all the world's beaches by yourself. Do not fear the monsters.
I'll grant you peace and restore you once you've visited them all."
In another world, I might've done this, but the Mist effect was hell on my poor laptop and often crashed it, so there was no way in hell that I was going to. If you do visit every beach, however, Fat Chocobo will make it so that walking onto a beach restores your HP and MP. It's like the cherry on top of a shit sundae.
Fat Chocobo will very rarely play with the FF4 Chocobo card. Unless I'm forgetting someone in the final dungeon, this is the only place you can get that card.
•••
Time to look for something for Huihui.
oh this? nah, this has nothing to do with anything, just more worldbuilding
We'll be back once we come across one.
Otherwise we can always just chop of one of Makakao's fingers, I'm sure he won't mind.
•••
k let's tell cid that we're gonna go fight the ultimate evil
Nice touch.
And it looks like, after four whole discs, Wayne has finally perfected his art
Oh, hey, it's Morrid's model airship. I wonder what he's up to these days?
Sorry, guys, I just never found that NPC that scolds you for not liking FF9.
And now we can deliver that last Stellazio coin.
Not a bad prize. I think we have three now? That makes one for Holly, one for Makakao, and one for Iz.
I mean it's not like I'll ever use Makie again
because you are batshit insane
Our new quest is to find the thirteenth Stellazio.
There's a cryptic hint toward its location if you read the Stellazio Story on the back of the coins.
They are long-ass stories so like hell am I transcribing them, and I'm not spending twelve images showing them off. I know I do long updates, but I try to keep them around a certain number.
Since we're in Treno,
for old times' sake.
Ultima Weapon is very pretty, but again, I'm easily entertained.
FF9 Bucket List
I honestly don't know. I've never found the Circlet to be an especially fantastic piece of equipment, and maybe you can even buy it. I think it has some sort of special resistances on it, but who knows.
We got money to burn
The Weapon Master opponent in the Card Stadium has all the weapon cards, including Excalibur II.
The Eidolon Master has all the Eidolon cards. I think s/he even has Ozma, but I didn't even bother trying to get Madeen here because you can get it more easily elsewhere.
•••
Anyway, we have to go to Quan's Dwelling to finish off the Stellazio sidequest, so...
"No, my nose doesn't work like yours does..."
While Iz's Theme is playing here, there is only one song appropriate enough to have here.
Since the job market is hideous in Hawaii and dammit I hold a degree I am not going to be your 60-hours-overtime-or-we'll-fire-you-for-someone-who-actually-will minimum-wage no-benefits part-timer with no opportunities for advancement because of your company's nepotistic bullshit creating an oligarchy of your relatives, I get my "résumé-building" in right now by volunteering to run camera at the local branch of the state university since I am an experienced grip (but because the local economy is so bad, there are no openings for grip positions even at the broadcast stations, and even though I've accumulated much more on-site experience over the years than those trust fund brats in USC's film school, I've been specifically rejected by the bastard mainland television film crews cruising around in Hawaii because my "degree skillset is in Linguistics, not Film!" as if that was the only goddamn thing they looked at on my résumé).
ANYWAY, while volunteering, I had the fortune of actually meeting the man who wrote this song. He's a great fella, big guy, but like... how do you describe this, y'know how there's like Wal-Mart Obese? This guy looks "healthy" obese, if you can imagine that, in that it seems like he's a really active and healthy guy, he just got the one-two combo of fat genes and loving the food overmuch.
According to him, a bit over a decade ago--back when Elway won the Broncos their Super Bowls--he and his band were touring and playing a concert in Colorado, possibly because they knew a Hawaii boy who had made the pro cut and played for the team. They'd been out of the islands for some time by then, and in the middle of the goddamn Rockies? You aren't gonna get rice or Hawaiian food no matter how hard you try.
--And let me tell you, if you ever come across a Chinese restaurant that claims to serve "Hawaiian food" and has a chef that looks like Hawaii's ex-governor Ben Cayetano, don't trust it to be authentic and your Loco Moco will feature a rubbery meatpuck instead of a hamburger steak--
So these guys were so homesick for local food that they just came up with a tune and, according to Sean, it was easy to come up with the lyrics because they all they needed to do was was to think about what kinds of foods they really, really wanted to eat. And I believe it completely, you can't come up with a song like that if you're eating just so every day.
Except for the poi. I am the luckiest and most ironic Hawaiian in that I wasn't born a century ago when taro products were basically your only source for starch, because for some very odd reason, I am allergic to them proportional to how much of it I've eaten in a sitting. I mean, taro chips, there's almost nothing in those, so I can have a serving and I'll just have a mildly upset stomach for a bit. I'll eat some taro bread rolls and I'll probably be a bit more stomach-sick. But I definitely can't eat poi, which is basically taro mashed up into a paste and mixed with a bit of water, because I will get sick like a dog.
But if I had a class I really didn't want to go to in boarding school, I could always just have a bowl of poi at lunch and I'd be chillin' in the infirmary for at least two days, ask my friends to bring up that cheapo Toshiba laptop, play some Link's Awakening, maybe fuck around with RPG Maker 2-SNES. Man, some of those games we came up with. But that's a story for another day.
"What are you talking about, Iz? I think you were hallucinating."
"Is illusion only if you see illusion... You saw because you travel around world."
"I no run from training... It you who make mistake.
To eat everything not true way of gourmand!"
"Is all good... You travel around the world and gain imagination.
People who have no imagination no taste until they actually eat!
You use imagination, is possible to taste all food in world!
It no matter if it story somebody else tell. Is possible to eat with your imagination!"
"Is thanks to Makakao I learn about imagination...
I teach Makakao, who not know anything about world outside. My imagination grow very big as I teach him!
To eat is same as to live... Makakao, you understand?
To see not only thing. To think and talk just as important."
"My spirit almost gone. Is where my imagination end..."
"No need be sad... Makakao, as long as you imagine, I by your side.
Iz and Quale... Good luck..."
"Let's get going! There are still so many things to understand!"
And lastly, viewing this scene makes a Running Shoes appear in the clock. But by now, it's not as though you would need them.