Part 12: True Eye? More like True LIES

You know, it's been a while since we've done a good ol' fashioned cave.

Like, is anyone else worried about that sign?





Guess you weren't kidding about "old fashioned."







Nothing out of the ordinary so far!





Sup.

There goes that theory.




Apparently, Hofud is the sword of Heimdall, the dude in Asgardian mythology who watches the rainbow bridge between the gods and Earth. Here, they're just incredibly obnoxious mid-level monsters. They have O-Physical, which cuts damage from regular weapon attacks in half, and a shield move called Defense. Also, the game will totally cheat and read your moves, then set all Hofuds to "Defense" if you attack with a bunch of weapons. I'm not making this up, because it happens every damn time I use physical attacks. Miraculously, when I decide to defend or focus on someone else, they all suddenly use Stab instead. Stab is not a big deal, but five living swords poking you at the same time will add up.

Fortunately, we have a solution! Hofuds have low mana, soooo...




Random German!





You can't just literally say "random German!" You have to pick words!

...

...right? He does?

I love 'em, but I'm pretty sure Zero's too dumb to know what he can't do.







Looks like the next floor! Everybody ready?

Yup!

Totally!

Lemme at 'em!





...

Well, that was disappointing.

Maybe Lynn's in that box!





Dang.

Dibs!

Di—aw.





Just my size! And they're fast!

It's like you never seen a pair of sneakers before.

Zoooooooooooooooom




The Hermes shoe is a fantastic find, providing a massive +10 agility bonus. Only one small problem—it's not really what we came here for, and there's no way across that gap. Back out we go!







Like, now what?

There were stairs on the other side of that gap. That must mean there's another way in.

Maybe there's a back door!

Zero, caves don't have back doors.








No way.

Seriously. It's like his dumbness bends reality around him!

Nah, I just figured out we were being trolled. Check it out.









We got owned so hard.

Don't sweat it, dude. We're clearly dealing with professionals.










Great! Down to the next level!








Uh. Which way are we going?

Don't look at me!

Let's just explore a little. I'm sure it'll be okay!








I'm getting kind of tired of fighting giant severed body parts.

Ich habe keine Ahnung, was ich sage!





Whoops! Missed one.

Hi yah





Nice!

Remember to lead with the hip.




Martial arts train agility, so we equip Sara with a spare Kick and get to work. They're a pretty good choice for mutants since they don't rely on strength and get more powerful the more you use them. Zero, on the other hand, will be providing magical backup this section. He's already well off on the march towards 99 mana, so why stop now?







Well, that didn't work.

C'mon, it's just a matter of finding the exit!

Assuming we don't run out of supplies by then...

Our weapons are in totally good shape, we'll be fine.

Intruders





Hey, do you know my mom? How's she doing?

Zero!

Whaaaat? She's a member of the Gorgon community, I thought they might have bumped into each other!

Step aside. I got this.









_{...wh...what...}

Are you done with that stupid saw now?





Now's really not the time, Heather!




For those of you expecting the ChainSaw to once again be a doomsday weapon, I have some bad news. They actually got the logic comparison right this time around.

The ChainSaw bases its instakills on your strength rating. First, of course, you have to hit with it. Secondly, your strength is pitted against your enemy's defense. If you beat it by 10 points (or by 2*Defense-9 if they have O-Weapon), you get a kill. Otherwise, they're too hard to cut. This alone is enough to plug any boss killing exploits, but on top of that, it has a special flag keeping it from being used successfully on bosses. Kill God with a chainsaw once, shame on you. Kill God with a chainsaw twice...










Oof. Good thing you've been working on your magic, Zero. How you holdin' up?

Doin' great!

What about you, Sara?

...

Sara! Snap out of it!

Seriously, Heather. I think she needs a moment.

No, it's okay, Roy. The saw failed. I saw it with my own eyes.

Incoming!





There's only one possible lesson to take away from all this.

What's that?





Religion is a lie. The only moral authority is that which we impose on ourselves.

That... really wasn't I wanted you to learn from all that.




New abilities! We're showing off Steal here. Sara also picked up a 15-use Cure ability off camera, and this is absolutely the best section for it to show up. Cure speaks for itself, and we shuffle it way up the ability list just to be safe. Steal sacrifices your turn in order to rob your opponent. The gold you get is actually kind of piddly---100 to 125 per use. I guess it adds up, but it's more a neat effect than anything.

As far as I can remember, you can't steal items. I don't think there's a higher tier version that does, but this being SaGa, who knows.
















This cave is way bigger than I thought it'd be.

No kidding. Plus, I'm worried about Sara now. I don't think she's taking the saw thing very well.

Ehn, I'm sure she'll be fine. She still healed us after that last fight, right?

Of course. You're all useful tools for my continued survival.

See? Nothing to worry about!









You really don't get a good sense from these screenshots how long this dungeon really is. Seriously. It's only about 4 or 5 floors, but with the amount of ground you have to cover, it feels much longer. Throw in the usual billion random encounters and the fact that it's specifically designed to keep you from viewing more than one corridor at a time, and it's actually one of the first tough dungeons we've come across. The issue isn't the monsters so much as attrition. If you run right in there without stocking up on weapons like I did, you may find yourself running disasterously low before the end.







Great. Another staircase.

My axe is still okay, but I'll have to switch to the battle sword soon.

*huff* *puff*

You're not out of juice, are you, Zero?

Fine... just catching... my breath...

We have to wrap this up before we're completely defenseless.

I wouldn't worry. You haven't outlived your usefulness.

Well, that's good.

Yet.

Hey, does anyone feel that breeze?

Hey, he's right! If we can find the source, we can AAAAAAAAAH









*whump*

Oof.

Bummer. Looks like it's too steep to climb back up.

You mean we're stuck here?

Looks like.

Unfortunate.

Why do you have one of my psi knives?

No reason. Could you all turn your backs for a moment? That'd be great.










Score!

Yeah, and not a moment too soon.

*plink* *plink*

Will you please knock that off?

*plink* Knock what off?

Guys, quit goofing off! We've got a huge problem here!





What, these guys? We can take 'em.

I'm with Zero. Let's do what we do!








Eat death, you bogus jerks!





Nice shot!

yeah, but I can't take all of them. We need your SMG to—

*zap*











...the heck just happened? Why is Roy on the ground? What's going on?!

I don't know! I guess he was in worse shape than we thought!

Yeah, well. Sara stabbing him in the kidneys probably didn't help.

I never once got past his outer shell and I have witnesses that will swear to that.

If you guys are done being morons, I need your help to—







...








That's not good.




Due to not paying attention to HP and trying to save SMG uses, this fight goes sideways on us in a hurry and is almost fatal. Fortunately, we've wittled their numbers down pretty good. All we have to do is get Zero to the end of his battle round...







ow

I'll keep this one busy. Kill the girl.

What? No! She's defenseless! Come at me, bro!

Let's see... caring... caring... Nope, sure don't.

Okay seriously. You best step the fuck back from her if you know what's good for you.

Such language. Very well, we'll kill you first after all.





That all you got?

...

My turn. Hier kommt der Schmerz!








Like moths to a thing I just cast.

...wha...Zero?

Hey, Sara! You okay now?

I think so. Did... did you just save me?

Yup! Heather and Roy'll wake up in a sec.

You know, I just realized... You've done almost all the fighting while we've been in this cave.

Sure have.

You're not really as dumb as you act, are you?

I dunno if that was an insult or not.

I'm not sure I do, either.







Ugh. My head is killing me.

You should've told us how bad you were hurt, Roy.

I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, Heather and Zero were working hard enough, and you weren't feeling good, so I didn't want to worry anyone...

Sentiment's appreciated, dawg, but we'll be a lot more worried when you suddenly keel over on us.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

How did you survive, Zero? Like, if they didn't kill you, I thought Sara would.

I'm really sorry about that, Heather. I went into shock or something. I'm feeling a lot better now, though!

Yeah? Well, stay out of my blind spot anyway.







Look! That must be her!

Lynn! Your mom sent us to come get you! Are you alright?





But I fell down the slope and got stuck here.

Seriously! They sell potions in stores!





Who the heck is Dunatis?

The god of wind! He goes like this! Woooooooosh

I... I see.

Your mom's worried about you, Lynn. And honestly, at this point, so am I.





Yay! Thank you complete strangers that I'm joining up with!

Wow, her mom wasn't kidding.









Here's Lynn. Her stats are pretty bonkers for being a little girl, but she only has the ability to kick you in the shins. Since her punch and kick count are pretty high, she's not going to be doing a lot of damage while she's here—and on top of that, she doesn't have any HP to speak of. I mean, she's a little kid. What did you expect?




Alright, kiddo. Ready to go?

Yeah! Thank you for helping me! My dad's just coming back...





I know that feeling. We'll get you back in time, don't you worry!







Ugh! This wind is ruining my hair.

At least Lynn's having fun.

Wooooooosh

Hey, who's that?







That wasn't really what I expected Dunatis to be.

Hey, metal dude! I'm the metal dude that's gonna kick your metal butt!

IN-TRU-DERS DE-TECT-ED. EL-IM-IN-ATE.










Turns out Dunatis exists, and he's a robot hopped up on magi! There's no real explanation given, but it's kind of fascinating to consider the ramifications.

Anyway, Dunatis is this area's boss fight. His armor's alright, his HP is appropriately high, but there's one thing that sets him apart from other monsters.




Okie doke, guys! Let's hit him with everything we got!





OW

It-it wasn't me!

NOW I HAVE A MA-CHINE GUN. HO. HO. HO.

Leave him alone, you big meanie! *bink*





OW MY FOOT





OW MY FACE

Ta bhfuil gloine uisce agam!





Pow, right in the eyestalk!

WHAT IS THIS. I CAN-NOT SEE. I CAN-NOT SEE!

Now's our chance!





YAAAAAAAAAAH





I totally dedicate this kill to Odin and junk.

I thought you didn't believe in religion?

What, Odin? No, he's totally real. All the rest of that stuff is fake.

Wha... How does that even work?!

Who cares, it's rainin' magi!








Great. Now let's get the heck out of here.

Yay! I get to go home now!

Oh, pipe down.

Yay! I get to go down a pipe now!







Here you go! Safe and sound, just like I said.

Lynn!

You okay, hon?





What... what are you...

Yay! Daddy's home! *cling*



...oh. Oh, son. This isn't how I wanted this to go.

...you...you have another family. Somewhere else.

It's not what it looks like, Roy.

No offense, Mr. Butte, but there's not a lot of ways this can look.

I left to look for you! You said you'd come back to us when it was over! You lied to me!

I didn't!

What do you call this, then? Is this where you've been the last ten years? You didn't even recognize me when you saw me in Giant World! Do you even love me anymore?

You know I do. I swore to your mother than you'd always be my boy. The day we adopted you, I said—

_{.......the day... you what.}

...this is just not my day.

_{I'm... not even... your real... son.}

No, Roy. That's not true. It's—

Just leave me alone!







*sniffle*

Wow, that was messed up. I'm sorry, Roy.

Yeah. He should've told you the first time you saw him. About everything.

Totally. Your dad reeks, and it isn't of awesomeness.



What should we do now? I mean, we found Roy's dad. Or at least, the reason he left.

We might as well pack it in. I'm already gonna get it from my mom for being away this long.

No.

?

Guys, we promised we would collect the magi and keep them safe. Not just to my dad, but to Ki and Apollo. If you want to leave, it's okay—I understand. But I've got to keep going. I've got to be a better person than my dad was.

...

I'll go with you, Roy.

Thanks, Sara.

Count me in too, dooder. I'm not letting you go out there by yourself.

Heather?

Psh. As if I would say no.

Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate it.

You can thank us later. Right now, we've got an underwater volcano to visit!

Better than that! An underwater volcano that's a submarine!






Next Time: True Eye for the Metal Guy