Final Fantasy Legend II Part #15

Part 15: Secret Agent Dad!

Sooo. You're a talking sword.

Indeed I am!

Aren't you, like, supposed to be killing us?

I should very well say not. Besides, can't do a thing with the brightness of these caves, dash it all.

Hold on. I think we have a spare True Eye...

Capital, lad! Capital!

So what are you, anyway? Are you a monster, or an enchanted sword, or...?

Eh? Enchantment? Horsefeathers! Why, I'm the very model of technological advancement!

Sure, but how'd you end up here?

Fell down a bit of a hole. Terribly embarrassing.

Sounds like it!

No matter! I insist on offering my services. I've programming in a wide variety of tactics, history, combat manuveurs, and proper ettiquette.

Ettiquette?

Having a blade is no excuse for a lack of manners, m'lady.

Might want to hold up for a sec. Heather might have a stroke trying to process that.

Seriously, what is your problem, Sara?

Aw, I'm just messing with you. I don't mean anything by it.

Ah yes. It appears the shoe is on the other glove now, Heather.

...

Collecting magi, eh wot?

Yeah.

Looking to get a foothold in the god business?

Nah.

For serious. We've seen the gross reekazoids that try to collect these things.

I say! Quite noble, that. Bit of a poser, though: What will you do once you have all of them?

I dunno! Turn them over to the proper authorities?

Roy... we're the only ones people trust with magi.

Oh. Guess I haven't really thought this through.

Just asking questions, m'boy. Nothing to fret about quite yet.

Hey! The exit!

Finally! We made it!

It feels good to have that thing out of my eyesocket.

Says you.

Bully. Quite the zenith of style, wot wot.

How are those eyedrops from Lynn's village working out for you, Heather?

I can see now, so pretty well, I guess! What's next?

We should let Apollo know we've got all the magi in the area.

... Is going back to Apollo really a good idea?

Wha? I thought you liked him!

I do! I mean, he's pretty, anyway. But... I get a little more paranoid with each magi we pick up. People are eventually going to notice how many we have. People a lot bigger than Ashura.

So what? We'll kick their butts just like everyone else.

Yeah! Besides, if Apollo wants to go rouge on you, he'll have to get through me first!

Rogue, Zero. Rogue.

He's going to put makeup on us? That doesn't make any sense, Roy.

Yoo hoo, Apollo! We've got totally rad neeeeews~

He's gone rouge on us!

Shut up, Zero. Eyevan? Where's Apollo?

Oh, my apologies! He's off tending to his other kingdoms at the moment. He hadn't any doubt you'd accomplish your task, so he saw no reason to disrupt his schedule.

Oh. Well, that makes sense, I guess.

Yeah, but what are we supposed to do now?

Might as well head back to the Pillar and check out the rest of the Nexus. We've probably got enough magi to get another door open.

Works for me!

Welcome to Town World.

Or World Town.

Whichever!

Wow. Small world.

Looks like it's a small world aft—dammit, Roy.

Low hanging fruit, dude. Let's do our thing. Sup, bird guy!

Like, who are the Guardians?

Beats me.

Four more won't hurt anything, then.

Let's start with the girl at the table!

Of course you'd pick the cute mutant girl to talk to.

...

Hi! I was wondering if—

Well, no. I was actually going to ask if—

Because you may have heard they're here.

Not really. I just wanted to—

Guardians, I mean.

...

Well, we're not. So there.

Do you know a guy named Johnny, by any chance?

You mean Johnny Notagiant? Yeah, he's our best customer down at Pants Shack.

I wish I could say I was surprised, buuuuut...

I don't feel anyth—

GAH

See?

You totally caused that!

Man, if I had that kind of power, I wouldn't be in here sipping lattes all day.

Why not? That's what we do.

Pretty much 80% of our week, actually.

Put a shot of hazelnut in mine!

No sunscreen for me. I'm trying to eat healthier.

Okie doke. A round of iced coffees for everyone, please!

The heck? That's like a billion times more than the other shops!

I've done the math and have to concur.

You know you're holding that upside down, right?

Heh. "80085."

Look, it's supply and demand. You know how hard it is to get coffee this far down the Nexus?

Bull! Giant town has, like, single beans that last for years.

Hey, complain to acquisitions, not me. You want this coffee or not?

Ugh. This is so lame.

We've got the money, Heather. Besides, maybe he'll be nice enough to give us some intel!

Sure.

See? Okay, here's the money!

And here's your drinks. Now, c'mere. I don't want just anyone to hear this.

That's our tip?

I got another one if that doesn't work for you.

Lay it on us!

"No refunds."

...

I'll see you guys in a bit.

Sure. We'll catch up at the weapons store.

Does anyone else feel vaguely guilty?

Ehn, I'm sure Heather'll show restraint.

Did you just use "Heather" and "restraint" in the same sentence?

Yup.

Your sense of humor's getting subtler, dude.

Gotta keep mixin' it up, yo.

We do some restocking here to keep our inventory up to snuff. Most of the fourth tier (11k gold) gear is widely available, including Gold swords, Laser swords, and Stone spellbooks. Stone is an group instakill—not quite as lethal as in FFL1, but still nothing to sneeze at. We're dealing out an appropriate amount of homicide the old fashioned way, though, so we'll abstain. (For now.) We do pick up a Hermes shoe for Zero, since faster spell delivery means faster fights, and faster fights mean less damage opportunities for opponents. We also buy him a Gold Bow and swap Zero's laser sword over to Roy to bump his agility. Sara will take the other laser sword. I originally wanted her loadout to be themed around katanas, but katanas are apparently strength-based in FFL2. The inaccuracy of this offends me, both as an RPG player and a martial artist. <

>

Also putzing around in our inventory is a Thunder and Cure book. We've gotten pretty lucky with mutant abilities so far, and we haven't had to equip those books very often. Sara's Cure and Touch abilities are already super useful—doubly so, since her loadout theme is "agility." (Heather's is, of course, "strength," Zero's is "magic," and Roy's is "awesome.")

Hey, everybody!

Hi, Heather. I hope you didn't hurt him too bad.

Psh, as if. I just threatened him a little. He'll be way nicer to the next people that come in.

Hey, you are learning restraint!

I mean, once he wakes up and changes his pants.

...well. It's progress, kind of.

Psst. C'mere.

I'm new around here. You four seem like you know the low-down.

Nah, I suck at limbo.

Relax. You don't gotta play stupid with me.

Sorry, that's the only setting he's got. Anyway, what's up?

I'm lookin' for the Guardians. You know where their base is at?

The pub.

Really?

Totally. They're worse at being subtle than we are.

Huh. I didn't really pick up on that...

I wonder if they have anything to do with each other?

I got a sudden hankerin' for a jam session, dude.

Me too.

BAH DAH DAHT-DAH DAH, BAH—

Zero, that's not going to open the secret entrance!

...secret entrance?

Ugh. Fine, I'll do it.

Oh. Well, that works too.

I kind of like this song, actually. It's peppy!

What the jukebox plays

It is! That's why we make it our theme.

Neat! ... Wait, who are you?

Well, that could've gone better.

Good news, everyone! We found the Guardians' base! Whoever they are, they're running shop out of this pocket world. Being the curious young adventurers we are, we immediately poke our nose into their business, get arrested, and are thrown in the brig. Now, how are we going to get out?

Hey, this is all a misunderstanding! Can I talk to a lawyer or something?

_{He doesn't know they threw us in here with our gear, does he?}

_{Seriously, who does that? Why does that seem like a good idea? I will never understand guards.}

_{Lemme see if I can get a bead on him...}

Got 'em!

...

Well, you did kinda get in the way.

So, like, we're free to go?

Sure are!

Run along now! *pat pat*

...

Kicking him in the groin was kind of unnecessary, Heather.

Totally gonna disagree with you on that.

*whistles*

This place is the bomb, dude. Look at all this stuff!

Look, there's one of the guards. Now that we're out of jail, maybe they'll tell us what's going on.

Hi! What's with the secret base?

Oh, hi, Roy! Sorry about the fuss. The New Aeons are...

How do you know my name?

We all do! Well, except for the moron newbies guarding the entrance. You're Captain Butte's son, after all!

...Captain?

Dude! Your dad's a spy!

doo dee-doo, dee-doo, dooooo dee-doo~

There's a dad who lives a life of danger

To every joke he meets, he's not a stranger

With every move he makes, another chance he takes

Odds are he'll forget to mow the lawn

Secret... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGENT Dad

Secret... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGENT Dad

He's wearing a fedora

I wanna meet that dad~

Well, it still doesn't excuse anything.

No, but at least it explains it.

Kinda-sorta.

Besides, if you're his kid, that means we get full run of the place!

That's not really how that—

Stand down, agent! Don't argue with your superiors!

_{Just wait a bit, he'll forget the whole thing ever happened}

_Gotcha

Well now!

...you when you're grown up!

Okay, wow. I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Tactics and Intelligence

I bet these guys know what's up.

Hey, Roy!

Guess everyone around here knows whose kid I am.

It's kinda hard to miss. I mean, you look just like him.

...

What's with all the gadgets and junk? Are you guys magi hunters?

It's a little more complicated than that.

Hey, we got nowhere to be right now.

Well... The Guardians were founded as a clandestine agency to counter the rise of the New Aeons.

Didn't understand a single word of that, dude. Up to and including "the."

The first magi was unearthed about seven hundred years ago. Death and destruction soon followed. Discovery of a single piece was enough to spark global wars. As more and more were found, the whole Nexus was reduced to a big ball of chaos and bloodshed.

That's awful!

More like awesome.

Eventually, four major players emerged---local warlords with the brains, resources, and gumption to seek out and retain large swaths of magi. By the time we realized what was going on, they'd already collected enough that an army of mortals couldn't stop them, let alone one. We didn't have the power to undo their gains, so the best and brightest across all of reality came together to form the Guardians.

...out for them. We keep an eye on them and warn other worlds of impending danger. We also do whatever we can to keep the rest of the magi out of their hands---spying, negotiation, skullduggery, whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes, huh? No wonder my dad's your captain.

Hey, don't be like that. I know you two have had your differences lately, but I've known him a long time. Roy's a good man.

Roy?

The Captain, I mean.

Captain Butte's first name is Roy.

Yup!

...

You're Roy Butte, Jr.?

I don't like to talk about it, okay?